Intrusive thoughts

[Mumtotwoxo]

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

Yes but that's just the physical side effects. Cortisol, fight/flight etc. Ghastly to feel and go through, but just biochemistry. The meds should help with that. X

@BCBG could you notice yourself getting better as days went on or was it a prolonged process for yourself? X

I would say that while you anxiously measure one day against preceding days that you can't or aren't making progress. What will happen is that you get chinks, and then longer chinks, and then whole hours when you feel a bit better, and those add up and stuck together and so on. The thing to remember is - when you are hung up on one day measuring as somehow better than the last, that if you have a bad day it will knock you back hard, whereas if you don't have an expectation of steady progress it will remain just that, a bad day that can be followed by a better one. Does that make sense? Reading your messages I can see that you are still fighting for a road map out of here, for measurable progress that you can cling to - but you will be having bits of recovery even now, stuck in amongst all the spinning cogs and whirring springs. Give yourself time to heal. If you had broken your leg you would be accepting of the need for the bone to knit and the scar to heal over and the bruises to fade. It's just like that. Five minutes of being ok today, even just five minutes - for example while cleaning your teeth or having a nap when you have exhausted yourself with panic - those times will add up. Trust yourself. X

These are really really common, most people get them . Please don’t suffer in silence, I had years and years of feeling panicky about why did I think that etc ? My teenage daughter told me just the other day she’s getting them

@BCBG it's just the same reoccurring thoughts that I wish would go away. It's so hard to turn my mind to something different. Feel at breaking point. Forcing myself to feel ok x

@Emeraldeyes20 I'm on fluxotine right now waiting for it to take affect, also seeing crisis team every day. I wish it would get better for my children's sake.

Following for advice for my teen DD.

@Littlefiendsusan how is your teen what are they experiencing? X

@Blackopal it has arrived. I'm going to focus reading some today to see how it helps. Thanks for your advice x

So glad you have the book, truly hope it helps to give you some peace back.

@Blackopal did you get peace from it?

Keep staying strong you are doing amazingly
All my panic attacks come in in the evening night time it's v common
In bed listen to light cheery podcasts and focus on their words I recommend fortunately or Brian cox does one called infinite monkey cage unlikely to hear anything triggering as it's lighthearted and interesting
I called the Samaritans as well as I didn't want to burden/ frighten family or friends as it was a stranger I could say what was really on my mind with no fear of unsettling anyone - it's really important to not hold it in and share

Also lots of exercise Joe wicks is good as he struggles with mental health

200% you will recover and be better than before , I am! I promise this is just s terrible phase

@Mum she won't say. She has been under the local psyc services following an overdose last year and she talked with them about it, but to me, it's a shut door.
I do know her intrusive thoughts contribute hugely to her insomnia though. I wish so much I could help her.

@nitsandwormsdodger thank you. I'll try some of them. I just can't seem to focus on anything right now. I see no way out of getting better. The thoughts get stronger every day and the more I try ignore them the more they are there and I fixate on them. How bad was your intrusive thoughts? X

@Littlefiendsusan that's awful I'm so sorry to hear. Does she get angry when you try talk about things?

Yes, it helped bring me some peace back.

You realise how common this is and that the intrusive thoughts are not you, they are not what you want. You are not mad or bad.
They are just noise that brains make. Most people take no notice of but some people react to it in fear and it turns the thoughts sticky.

The book gives very clear advice on how to handle the thoughts, this worked straight away for me.

Every one is different and I'm glad you have support from your local team, it will get better.

@Blackopal was your intrusive thoughts very strong and in regards to yourself and kids?

Hi OP.
I'm sorry you're going through this -
It's really, really awful & debilitating.

I had anxiety & depression after my 2nd child and had the most awful, terrible, hideous intrusive thoughts about hurting both children.

I'm glad to say that I got help, have been on Citalopram for 6 years and those times are now a distant memory.

@TheLumpySofaCushion how long did it take you to overcome these thoughts? I have disgusting terrible thoughts about myself and both children and then I ask myself, do I want to do this? (I know deep down I don't) did you have this? Thanks for sharing x

It's the most awful thing isn't it, @Mumtotwoxo.

I think it took quite a few months of therapy and medication to fully start feeling 'normal', but I started to feel better every day from being able to talk about it and realising from the counsellor that I wasn't a monster and I wasn't about to hurt my kids.

When I looked back, I'd had anxiety and intrusive thoughts all my life.
"What if I pull the hand brake on when driving" "what if I threw something over the railing"..

Intrusive thoughts just pick your weak spot at the time and spike the terror around that,

@Mumtotwoxo she used to get really angry but I've learnt to raise sensitive subjects when she's in a good frame of mind and feeling up to chatting.
I really feel for you OP, being a mother is hard enough at the best of times. I hope things get better for you soon. Strength to you ❤️

@TheLumpySofaCushion did you feel you were scared to be with your kids incase you acted on these thoughts? I just wish these thoughts would go away x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@Gilead thank you for sharing. Did you feel like you were going crazy and questioning your sanity? X[/quote]
Just wanted to respond to this. I remember it well and it was utterly horrid. It does get better. It will get better

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@TheLumpySofaCushion did you feel you were scared to be with your kids incase you acted on these thoughts? I just wish these thoughts would go away x[/quote]
Absolutely, I couldn't be on my own with them.

I was scared I would kill them.

When my husband had to go out, my friend or mother in law would have to come and stay with me. I was scared I would kill them too.

My overwhelming, paralysing fear was "what if".

The psychiatrist I saw made me cry with relief when he told me I wouldn't harm anyone.

Sorry if I'm being too open x