Intrusive thoughts

[Mumtotwoxo]

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

@Mumtotwoxo it’s so very hard when you’re in the depths to see a way out of it, but it will happen. The reason we all keep coming back to reassure you is because we really have felt exactly as you feel now. It takes time. Don’t feel you’re not working hard enough, don’t feel that you’re missing out or not doing as you should. Just think oh fuck off, every time you have one of ‘those’ thoughts. We’ll get you there. 💐

I'm really sorry to read this, I can relate to your situation strongly.
I know how horrendous the whole thing is and feeling it is your life now.

I have just posted this on another thread.
I found a book called 'Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts'.

This book is written by experts who can explain why the thoughts occur and how to deal with them.

They speak about a lack of knowledge in mental health professionals of how to deal with intrusive thoughts. Often the things recommended such as breathing exercises or ignoring thoughts make everything worse.

This book took me from a place of terror, sleeping only 4 hours at a time and not being able to eat to very quickly being calm, not being ruled by thoughts, not even reacting to them.

I cant recommend it highly enough, I am sharing in the hope it will help more people

written by Sally M. Winston, PsyD & Martin N. SEIF, PhD

@Gilead did you start noticing yourself get better once medication started working? X

@Blackopal I've just ordered to book from amazon, thank you very much! Did you suffer this along time before feeling better or did you get help straight away with this? X

I truly hope it helps you like it helped me.

I have suffered with thoughts I didn't understand, didn't want and that made me feel like I might be 'bad'. I couldn't understand it because I believe myself to be a good person but the thoughts were not good.

I have dealt with this as long as I can remember.
But it all got worse when I had my first child who I adored but these thoughts were utterly terrifying.

I got through that and then recently had to take medication that altered hormone levels. This is when I suffered a huge panic attack and the thoughts overtook my control of them. I was in an agitated state, scared of being alone, scared of being with my children, not sleeping not eating.

Please be aware that pregnancy and birth and hormonal changes make all of this much worse.

Only at this point did I call doctor, I have never done so before as I could not imagine telling anyone about these thoughts.

The doctor put me on beta blockers which did help calm my body allowing me to sleep etc and turning off the fight or flight adrenaline.

The book is what helped my mind and makes me live without fear of going back into that state again.
I am not on any medication now and if I ever feel unsettled or worried I read a bit of the book again and I am totally ok.

I wish I had been more educated on this subject when I was young and not spent alot of my life mistrusting my own mind.

Sorry my reply is so long, I just want to repeat what the other posters are telling you. You are really, really not alone and it will get better.

[quote Gilead]@Mumtotwoxo it’s so very hard when you’re in the depths to see a way out of it, but it will happen. The reason we all keep coming back to reassure you is because we really have felt exactly as you feel now. It takes time. Don’t feel you’re not working hard enough, don’t feel that you’re missing out or not doing as you should. Just think oh fuck off, every time you have one of ‘those’ thoughts. We’ll get you there. 💐[/quote]
This is so true. @Mumtotwoxo I had cbt therapy in the end - I discovered I was a perfectionist and also in fear of a future I couldn't control - I had to learn to live with the panic before it went. This will not be your life forever, just right now, but it also won't settle overnight.

@Blackopal was it just beta blockers they put you on or antidepressants too? I'm on fluxotine but it takes weeks for it to build up in your system. I was offered diazepam to keep me calm during the day but it didn't agree with me so left with nothing until medication kicks in. On the waiting list for primary mental health care x

@BCBG how did you find the cbt therapy? Was it face to face or did you use YouTube yourself? X

I had face to face counselling. I went privately which may not be an option for you. It was the best money I ever spent because thirty years on I still feel the benefit in the way I think through certain problems or stresses.

@BCBG I would happily look in to this but I don't know what type of therapist I'm looking for as I have not been diagnosed with anything as of yet

I wasn't diagnosed with anything specific. I was referred by my GP because of my low mood and OCD. Your GP surgery may be able to give you a list of trained counsellors in your area?

@BCBG I might ask him then, thank you. I've been advised to try YouTube cbt but I fear it may trigger me instead of making things better x

I was on a very low dose of anti depressant to treat migraines. We tried upping that dose which made no difference.

The beta blockers helped because they block adrenaline signals. Makes no difference to your mind but your body can't panic in reaction to your thoughts if that makes sense?
This helped me to get some space, some sleep.
I then went looking for answers to help calm my mind.

Hi ladies - could any of you give me advice on how to control triggers? Almost anything is triggering me right now. Did any of you suffer this? X

Hi - distraction works best but of course it isn't easy. Do you have other adults with you? For some people exercise works because it stimulates endorphins, and also natural sleep. For others it might be tv etc. For me, it was absolute basic rom com tv and books. Nothing more serious than that. I couldn't read a newspaper or concentrate on anything that required attention, but comedy - especially sitcoms - were gold for my recovery.

@BCBG my mother is here just now looking after the kids because I feel I literally can't focus on anything. I can't watch tv anymore, have a bath, hardly eating, most things are triggers. X

Darling you are not very well, that's why. But you will get better. I promise you, you will get better and it will be hard to remember what it felt like. But that's why I am here and others are here - to prove to you what we say - which is that you will get through this, even if it feels a bit rough right now.

@BCBG thank you, it's the thought of fear of never getting better and things just spiral from there x

You WILL get better. There are so many of us just on this thread that can testify to that. However bad your imagination/ nightmare is, it is as ephemeral as that. There is, honestly, a disconnect between what your brain is doing to you right now and what is actually happening. Your brain is exploring the worst it can. My counsellor said something very helpful that I have never forgotten. After twenty minutes of me finally admitting, aloud, to someone else, my worst and most terrible and awful intrusive or sticky thoughts, she looked at me and said 'there are lots of people like you in America. They are called screenwriters!' believe it or not, I laughed. It made me realise that what was happening was the extraordinary power of my mind. I started writing not long after that. It helps!

@BCBG that made me laugh, thank you lol. I've always been a fixated person on my thoughts so I always got stuck in them (in a good way) until now. It's so hard to train my mind that what it's thinking is not what I want. X

Yay! That's such a breakthrough! But if you stop trying to train your brain to stop doing what it's doing, it will stop quicker. Meanwhile, realise that all this is because you HAVE a brain and it's gone into spasm, in a manner of speaking. You are spitting out cogs and whirring springs all over the place. This is you, just like my nightmare imaginings are me. As my counsellor went on to say, 'the difference between you and them , my dear, is that they make money out of it!'

@BCBG you're funny! Lol. How do you stop it spasming out of control it's so hard to distract myself or have any motivation to do anything x

It will never spasm out of control. Your brain won't let that happen. It's just about taking you to the edge of your imagination!! Weirdly, eventually, I just kind of bored myself with all my drama. Honestly, I just bored myself. It was like 'oh yeah, here I go again🙄'. It sounds flippant, but it's not. The path to cure - and a counsellor will help - is kind of to get out of your own way, to see that all that is happening is that your brain is running around in a hormone fuelled and sleep deprived crazy meltdown shouting 'listen to meeeee!!! Look what I can think!!' But It's Not Real. And deep down, you know that. Which is why we are talking. 💐

@BCBG I wish I could bore myself, I'm so wrapped up in it I can't find the way out right now. Did you suffer panic attacks alongside the thoughts? X