Hi Witches
Yes I'm sure I'm the person you think I am. I've had a few threads on MN over the past year talking about various issues, predominantly ones that stem from our relationship.
I do believe that he contributed to me having PND at least once, I won't derail the thread and go over old ground but he did things when I was postnatal that caused me alot of stress and heartache, not violence or anything like that but he was incredibly selfish.
The fact he was very hands on doesn't take away from the problems he caused and the stress it brung me.
If I think back to how I was after DS was born, before things went tits up, I was doing just fine. The PND came later after alot of additional stress.
Before DD was born I was doing just fine again and I may not have gone on to develop PND that time if weren't for the fact her birth was traumatic and I nearly lost my life, I think unfortunately it was inevitable at that point given the circumstances of the birth.
Statistically that's very unlikely to happen again.
Despite what OH is saying right now, I have zero faith that I would be able to rely on him long term so any decision I make will be made as though I'm alone. I simply don't trust him enough to base any significant decision on anything he says or promises.
If I was to be completely honest here, I don't want a termination. It's something I'm considering because it seems like the only viable option. The relationship isn't secure, the housing situation is shit, I feel overwhelmed whenever there are 5 kids in the flat (although I know 3 wouldn't be quite as bad esp if the third is a tiny baby) and I'm scared of full blown PND / crippling postnatal anxiety again because it isn't fair on the children.
However,
If I was on my own I would have less stress in certain areas, like fitting so many people into one small space. It's easier to slot a new baby into here than it is a grown man and his 3 kids.
I could take steps to look after my MH and ask for support in advance (I had a great counsellor when I was postnatal with DD and she said I'm welcome to re refer myself in the future if I ever needed to, and can ask for her specifically)
I wouldn't have the added stress of feeling obliged to have sex that I don't want.
Cons being I would be doing everything single handedly, barring a degree of support from my DM (she would sit with the children whilst I did housework, had a bath, popped to the shop etc) - so not totally alone really..
Less household money and I'd need to claim more in benefits. I only work weekends at the minute, but haven't been in work since November because it has been closed under restrictions.
Lack of sleep and exhaustion during the first few months would be testing, especially with DS additional needs. I need a certain amount of sleep to function, for my existing children's sake if not my own.
I've been talking to an old friend tonight who has 4 children on her own, her eldest has ADHD and she has a young baby, she's coping just fine. I didn't mention the pregnancy but a part of me did want/need to hear that it's doable.
I'm definitely not going to take any tablets unless I'm %100 sure.
I can't be any more than 4 weeks (clear blue said 3+ but my last period was 25th jan) so I have time.