Can somebody hold my hand whilst I take a pregnancy test, I'm terrified

[Plzholdmyhandforamin]

My period is 6 days late, I have a certain type of discharge, period like cramps but different to actual period pains (I had this with DS before I tested positive) my boobs are so sore and I'm ridiculously thirsty.

I didn't connect the dots until I checked the calender and realised how late I am.

I can't have another baby for so many reasons.

Lack of space
My mental health is shit
My eldest is disabled and wouldn't cope with another baby
I almost died giving birth to my youngest and have PTSD from that.

I would have to abort but doing so would just about finish me off, I've always been against abortions where my body is concerned (but fully support other women's rights to make decisions about their own)

I was taking precautions but clearly not enough.

OH has gone to the small Tesco extra down the road to buy a test.

Please hold my hand I'm terrified

I don't have anything to add to this I just wanted to give you every ounce of sympathy I have.

It probably doesn't help to read this from strangers on the internet but if you do go ahead with the termination please please please don't feel like a bad person or like you don't deserve kindness.

You're being kinder to your future self by doing this, although it might not feel like it now.

Whatever you choose, please be kind to yourself. You deserve all the love, kindness & happiness in the world regardless of what path you choose

Op a termination is only as harrowing/painful as you let it be. It can be quick and easy and will be painless. You don't want another baby and you can have an easy safe medical procedure to not be. Many women do it every day, and later that day or the next day get on with their lives exactly as before feeling perfectly fine. You have a chemical reaction happening in your body - that's it.
There is no need to torture yourself. Call Marie Stopes and get it booked. They're brilliant.
I have never once for a second regretted my termination.

It's still early days which does really help, mentally and physically. Move fast and I hope you get an appointment quickly. I had an early medical termination when I was 21, and when it's really the wrong circumstances, you can get over it. And you know it's really the wrong circumstances when you just can't contemplate the alternative. It will be ok

I'm so sorry
Just a thought, but if the relationship is on it's way out anyway, might it be an idea to have counselling about your choices and put yourself first.
Why does it matter what he thinks if he's not going to be in your life? Your body, your baby.
FYI I was threatened by an ex to get a termination. I terminated the relationship with him and kept the baby. Best thing I ever did. Sending you so much love and just take your time to make the right decision for you.

@Plzholdmyhandforamin

I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight. I have some nytol in the cupboard I'll try one of those.

I'm going to look at phone numbers tomorrow, I couldn't bring myself to do it tonight.

They offer counselling? That would be wonderful. I would definitely need that.

Am I going to be in alot of pain? My son is severely autistic and runs me ragged, he has violent meltdowns and I'm wondering how I'm going to handle both things at once.

Could your husband take leave to look after the children or at least the one with additional needs while you go through this? Perhaps you move to your mums temporarily?

Sorry but I said that without taking into account the needs of your disabled child and mental health. I still think counselling would be good, whichever decision you make. The more support, the better even if it can't be from your partner. I'm so sorry things are so shit.

Be kind to yourself, OP.

I'm so sorry it wasn't the result you were hoping for.

When I had a surprise pregnancy I really benefited from taking up the counselling offered by Marie Stopes (now called MSI Reproductive Choices) before considering abortion. They are totally non-judgemental and non-directive. In the end I went ahead with the pregnancy. What helped me to feel confident in my decision was the sense of relief that I felt when I talked about my decision with the counsellor towards the end of the session. (For what it's worth, although I went ahead with that pregnancy, I am 100% sure that if I got accidentally pregnant now - as a single parent of two DC - I would definitely get an abortion and I am so thankful the option exists.)

Best of luck to you, whatever you choose to do, I hope you find good support.

Re your son with the violent autistic meltdowns, could it be a help to engage with Social services to see if there is respite care and support? Family services?
It does sound like your job is exceedingly hard, even without a pregnancy or termination in the mix.

I have supported two friends through medical abortions at 8 and 12 weeks and neither was too tough physically. A third friend had one and did find it painful and draining but my guess is that - like with having an IUD fitted - it is not so bad if you have had children previously.

With that said, it might be that emotional support from somebody who cares about you is just as important as practical support. Remember that the Covid rules allow people to leave home to provide emergency assistance, and for child care or to provide respite care.

Is your husband no use with any of this?

We've spoken, it was me crying and ranting more than anything.

I told him I didn't want to have sex in the first place and explained what I have here, he replied "ok well now i know how you feel it will never, ever happen again"

Imagine being him and being fucking offended at a time like this.

He showed me his phone and said he has just sent an email request to his GP to discuss a vasectomy.

Bit late for that isn't it. Like that is supposed to make me feel any better.

He won't have one. It's all BS.

There's a big back story with him as is usually the case. The relationship has been doomed for a long time. Part of the reason I stayed with him is because DS has high care needs and I would really struggle by myself. I should have got rid of him a long time ago.

Knowing my history as I do, I predict with absolute certainty that this is going to set my MH back big time.

I said that before I left the hospital with DD after a traumatic time and it took me a very long time to feel anywhere near normal again.

Maybe I'm catastrophising. I hope I am. I'm taking strength from you ladies here who have said you got through it because you knew it was the right decision to make.

It is, it's the only decision.

No sleep for me any time soon and I have to be up at 7 to get DS ready. I also have the dentist at noon. No idea how I'm going to function with all of this in my mind

Massive virtual hug, Plzhold - you sound so desperately sad and I honestly wish I could give you a good squeeze.

I hope you get some rest - I really wish you the very best

I'll be totally alone in terms of emotional support. He doesn't do it (he's on the ASD spectrum) and is virtually incapable of being there for me how I need him to.

@Plzholdmyhandforamin You deserve better. x

I don't even like sex. I haven't wanted it since everything happened with DD. My sex drive well and truly went. I only relented from time to time for his sake because he says he feels unloved and unwanted and that I don't find him attractive anymore.

So, he's manipulative.

Knowing my history as I do, I predict with absolute certainty that this is going to set my MH back big time.

Reach out for medical help if you see any early signs and you will be ok I promise you. I have bipolar and a severe MH disability and I just reach out to my consultant/team when I need to. If they intervene early you'll avoid the worst of it. x

This is true about MH. I just asked my GP for more Psychotherapy last friday and they arranged it for tuesday (phone therapy) It suits me as I don't have to leave the house and I was amazed how quick they slotted me in. Please ask for help and support You're worth it!
Do you have any family that can help?

Sending strength and hugs to you OP, I had to make a similar decsion many years ago, I was 21 and fell pregnant while on the pill and when I told my DP I was pregnant, his response was I dont think I love you anymore. I went back to my DP, my DF told me I couldnt have the baby there, I went to the council and they told me as I had a mortgage/home with my BF even though he wanted me out, I wasnt elgible for a house.

I bought clothes for the baby but after a visit to the hospital I was advised to terminate for health reasons, I was 14 weeks (thought I was 10) It was the hardest thing I have done and I did need counselling afterwards, but at the age of 56 I have come to terms with it, and to be honest I think of it like this, life is hard and then we die, in sometimes painful circumstances, at least my baby didnt know anything about it, that may sound negative, but sometimes their is no easy solution and you will get through this I promise.

I understand your stance on abortion. I do want you to think about this from another angle though. This isn't about you terminating a pregnancy. This is about ensuring you are alive to care for the children you already have. Do you have access to mental health care? That would give you someone to talk to. I wish you the best through this difficult time.

Thank you all.

I'm still here, not able to sleep yet.

I don't have access to any MH support no. I'm on beta blockers for panic attacks but that's all. I had bad experiences with SSRI's so I'm reluctant to go back on them. 15 months ago I had psychotherapy and EMDR for my PTSD, I was fast tracked (via IAPT) as I had a small baby. I think if I referred myself back to them now I would have a much longer wait - months at least.

I will refer myself anyway as it will help me later on down the line. I'll just need to muddle through this next few weeks however I can.

I'm definitely going to ask for counselling that others have said will be available through Marie stopes / BPAS.

I'm touched that some of you felt able to share your own personal stories with me. Reading them and hearing from people who have come out the other side and been ok is very encouraging and I needed that tonight.

I like to think I'm a strong person but I'm not really. I've been through alot but feel as though this will be the thing that finishes me off so to speak.

I probably sound quite pathetic.

this is going to set my MH back...

no, no it isn't. You can do this, you just need to breath, drink water and keep talking, even if it is on here for the moment...

You've come through previous mh challenges, you can and will find a way through this

stay strong, keep talking

best wishes

This isn't about you terminating a pregnancy. This is about ensuring you are alive to care for the children you already have

Thank you for this comment. I'm going to log it and remind myself of that whenever I feel wobbly.

@Whyareblokesonhere

this is going to set my MH back...

no, no it isn't. You can do this, you just need to breath, drink water and keep talking, even if it is on here for the moment...

You've come through previous mh challenges, you can and will find a way through this

stay strong, keep talking

best wishes

Thank you, I'm going to do my best. I have to for the sake of the two children I have here. DS relies on me so much, I need to be strong for his sake if not my own.

you have to and you will do..for you.

Being strong for yourself, being kind to yourself will also mean you are the best mum you can be for your children

try and get some sleep now

I just wanted to say that I had to have a medical abortion of a dead foetus that was 9 weeks and didn't miscarry naturally and because I'd already had 3 children, I felt no pain whatsoever.
My cervix is already slightly open and even the largest clots didn't hurt and I had no cramps.
I just didn't want you to think you are guaranteed pain, because you might not.
Good luck with everything 💐

I've been where you are OP. It was completely unexpected and just blindsided me.

Like you I was around 6 days late and just didn't connect the dots until I tuned into the symptoms.

The day before I found out, I'd been offered a great new job after being a SAHM for 4 yrs. I was absolutely devastated.

Anyway I opted for termination. It was my second which made me feel even more shit. I still have days where I feel a twinge of sadness and what might have been. But, it was absolutely the right decision as is the case for you. You will be ok, honestly. Try not to torture yourself.

@ofwarren

I just wanted to say that I had to have a medical abortion of a dead foetus that was 9 weeks and didn't miscarry naturally and because I'd already had 3 children, I felt no pain whatsoever. My cervix is already slightly open and even the largest clots didn't hurt and I had no cramps. I just didn't want you to think you are guaranteed pain, because you might not. Good luck with everything 💐

Hi ofwarren,

I recognise you from around the boards. We've spoken before (I've NC'd for this)

I'm truly very sorry for your loss. Thank you for reassuring me x

@imsoinmyhead

I've been where you are OP. It was completely unexpected and just blindsided me.

Like you I was around 6 days late and just didn't connect the dots until I tuned into the symptoms.

The day before I found out, I'd been offered a great new job after being a SAHM for 4 yrs. I was absolutely devastated.

Anyway I opted for termination. It was my second which made me feel even more shit. I still have days where I feel a twinge of sadness and what might have been. But, it was absolutely the right decision as is the case for you. You will be ok, honestly. Try not to torture yourself.

Thank you x

I think the sadness is to be expected isn't it, I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through with the procedure, even though I know I'm going to, it must take immense strength to actually do. Strength I have to pull from somewhere.

Thank you for being kind

@hotclothbuns your post mirrored pretty much everything I wanted to say, so please don't be made to feel guilty for posting it