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Original poster

Can somebody hold my hand whilst I take a pregnancy test, I'm terrified

194 replies

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 21:41

My period is 6 days late, I have a certain type of discharge, period like cramps but different to actual period pains (I had this with DS before I tested positive) my boobs are so sore and I'm ridiculously thirsty.

I didn't connect the dots until I checked the calender and realised how late I am.

I can't have another baby for so many reasons.

Lack of space
My mental health is shit
My eldest is disabled and wouldn't cope with another baby
I almost died giving birth to my youngest and have PTSD from that.

I would have to abort but doing so would just about finish me off, I've always been against abortions where my body is concerned (but fully support other women's rights to make decisions about their own)

I was taking precautions but clearly not enough.

OH has gone to the small Tesco extra down the road to buy a test.

Please hold my hand I'm terrified

OP posts:
trunumber · 01/03/2021 22:14

And it was really obvious from your post that he was on his way for it so I'm not sure why the other poster needed to be snarky about it.

I'm so sorry OP, although I wish I had words that were more useful that that.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 01/03/2021 22:14

Ypu have options OP. That means you are about 5 or 6 weeks. Time for a think with your partner about what this means for you and what you should do. But remember at the end of the day the choice is yours x

Newnamefor2021 · 01/03/2021 22:15

So sorry OP.

Original poster
Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:19

5 or 6 weeks means there will be a heartbeat doesn't it. That makes this so much fucking harder.

Sorry for the swearing. I'm trying to get my emotions out whilst sitting in stony silence totally unsupported by him.

I should have known sooner. This is the first month in two whole years that I haven't had PMS. I thought I'd seen it off with a new vitamin regime. How naive was I.

OP posts:
hotclothbuns · 01/03/2021 22:19

I am so so sorry OP, I can't help but be reminded how utterly shit and unfair life can be sometimes. What I would give to see that on a pregnancy test, and here you are completely crushed by the result. Sad You will get through it Thanks

Missingthebridegene · 01/03/2021 22:19

So sorry OP x if you DO go ahead with a termination you can always enquire about accessing some psychological support either before or afterwards xx sending love xx

WannabeGilmoreGirl · 01/03/2021 22:20

Sorry for your result. Was really hoping for a negative

RagzReturnsRebooted · 01/03/2021 22:21

My DH was equally shit in similar situations. Didn't really talk about it and just left it all to me. My body, my choice is fine but some input even just to talk it over would have been good!
My last pregnancy was very unplanned, I knew I didn't want to keep it (previous late miscarriage/stillbirth, finance, job, existing children etc) and I did have a termination. It wasn't great, obviously, but it wasn't as terrible as I'd imagined and I had a lovely conversation with a lady in the waiting room who was in a very similar position. I had a surgical termination as I didn't want to deal with bleeding/passing lumps (which I'm sure is nowhere near as bad as I pictured in my head, I was only 7 weeks by the time I had it) but you can currently get the pills to take at home if you'd rather do that. I used BPAS and they were brilliant, so kind and supportive.

Hugs and handhold.

Original poster
Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:22

He will want me to have a termination, one hundred percent.

I'll be totally alone in terms of emotional support. He doesn't do it (he's on the ASD spectrum) and is virtually incapable of being there for me how I need him to.

He has no idea how hard this is going to be for me. I need him to understand the enormity of it but he will never get it.

The relationship is on its way out as it is, we won't survive this.

OP posts:
Wellysock · 01/03/2021 22:24

I'm so sorry it wasn't the news that you wanted. An unexpected pregnancy can be the worst kind of shock, and it throws you in to a world that no one ever wants to be a part of.

You have a bit of time. It won't hurt to take a few days to let it sink in before you move ahead.

Terminations are never fun, but that doesn't mean they're always awful and heartbreaking. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, and sometimes there are no regrets, just relief.

I wish you all the best going forwards. I hope you find peace in whichever path you choose.

sunnydaleslayer · 01/03/2021 22:25

I'm so sorry OP Thanks

Original poster
Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:25

@hotclothbuns

I am so so sorry OP, I can't help but be reminded how utterly shit and unfair life can be sometimes. What I would give to see that on a pregnancy test, and here you are completely crushed by the result. Sad You will get through it Thanks
I'm so sorry, im sure you are far more deserving of a baby than I am. If I could have us swap places then I would do it in a heartbeat Sad

I hate myself for even speaking like this on a post because there are so many women, like you, who would give anything to be a mum.

OP posts:
Teapotsandtablecloths · 01/03/2021 22:26

I'm so sorry that it wasn't the news that you wanted and that DH isn't being emotionally supportive. Whatever you choose to do, a hand hold from me is here x

needadvice54321 · 01/03/2021 22:26

@Plzholdmyhandforamin - your feelings are real, don't feel guilty for posting

PracticallyFloored · 01/03/2021 22:29

Sounds like a very lonely place to be, so sorry OP Flowers

Bringonspring · 01/03/2021 22:33

@hotclothbuns this isn’t about you

OP-oh it’s really sh*t, access the counselling services and talk it through. Do you have someone who you can talk to?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 22:34

I'm so sorry, OP. Breathe and try not to worry. No decisions need to be made tonight and when they are to be made - they're all yours. Thanks

As for your OH, he'd better bloody be supporting you - and perhaps he needs to think about using contraception himself rather than just sitting there like a stony-faced gargoyle Hmm

hotclothbuns, I'm sorry that OP's news is hard on you, it does seem unfair but this is OP's thread and a pregnancy isn't what she wants. Please don't make her feel guilty for posting, she has every right to get support.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 01/03/2021 22:35

I"m so sorry you are in this place, OP. Don't feel guilty, we're here to support whomever needs it, if we can.

I'm here to handhold whatever you decide. Sending strength to you, and Flowers

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 22:35

I have been where you are. I didnt have any support either and the termination nearly did for me. But it didnt. And it wont for you either.

As Nancy Reagan once said "Women are like tea bags. Its only when we are in hot water that you realise how strong we are". You will get through this.

Dont focus on what you are losing with a termination, but what you are giving to your other children. A mother who can give them what they need. A mother who can focus on them. Your son will not have the stress of the upheaval of change. I and thousands of other women have had to make this impossible decision and we have made it. You can do this. You really can. Flowers

Terry Pratchett called it the dreadful algebra of necessity, which is basically doing the least worst thing in order to survive right now, having faith that things will improve in the future. And they will xx

lionobserving · 01/03/2021 22:36

Huge handhold OP.

I thought it might be helpful to share my situation with you. I found myself unexpectedly pregnant last year. DP was going through a real mental breakdown - he lost his dad suddenly and it sent him off the rails. He didn't cope at all, quit his job and lost his mind. We ended up separating for a short while, during which time I found out I was pregnant (obviously by DP).

I had always felt similarly to you about terminations. I couldn't imagine going through with it. However I also couldn't imagine bringing a life into the situation with DP (and me, while I tried to hold him together) in such a terrible headspace.

I went through with the termination. DP came and it was traumatic (with DP back in the hospital for the first time since losing his dad a few months earlier), but I knew in my gut it was the right decision.

A year on, and I promise there's light at the end of the tunnel. We knew it wasn't the right time or place for us. We knew we had to heal ourselves before bringing someone else into it. A year on and DP is on the road to healing, and if I fell pregnant now it might be a different story. I'm not scarred by the termination because I know in my gut we did the right thing.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that no matter how bleak things feel right now, please try to take a deep breath and remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what you decide with this, you will be okay Thanks

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 22:37

Terry Pratchett called it the dreadful algebra of necessity, which is basically doing the least worst thing in order to survive right now, having faith that things will improve in the future. And they will.

I really like this, hadn't ever seen it before.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 22:41

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Terry Pratchett called it the dreadful algebra of necessity, which is basically doing the least worst thing in order to survive right now, having faith that things will improve in the future. And they will.

I really like this, hadn't ever seen it before.

Its in Thud if you want to read the book. Its a really nice way to describe an utterly horrible situation.
PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 22:41

Not nice.....but ...I dont know. I hope YKWIM

Bringonspring · 01/03/2021 22:41

@PyongyangKipperbang and @lionobserving what lovely posts

Original poster
Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:43

The tears have come and I fear they won't stop.

I don't have anybody irl I can talk it through with sadly. I haven't seen any of my friends in years (I moved away) and we're just not that close anymore.

My DM has a learning disability and isn't equip for giving advice on such serious matters, she'd hold my hand and give me a hug which would be lovely right now but what I need is to talk iykwim.

All I have is him and he's basically useless with serious matters.

I couldn't possibly reach a decision tonight as I'm in shock but sadly the reality is I will have to terminate, our housing situation is dire and we're already overcrowded as a family of 4 in a tiny flat. He has three older children too. Things were already bordering on unbearable without having another baby.

If he was somebody else, was supportive, and we had an adequate home, I would be able to consider pushing on and having the baby - although it would come at a cost to my other children as my MH would suffer (it did with my last 2, and I was in a better situation then)

Not that I need to justify myself but I feel I should, I hate myself tonight and don't want people thinking I'm heartless.

Thank you to those of you sharing your own experiences with me. If I could hug you through the screen I would.

I'm fragile at the best of times god knows how I'm going to handle the next week or so.

OP posts:
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