Page 3 | Can somebody hold my hand whilst I take a pregnancy test, I'm terrified

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 2021-03-01T21:41:16+00:00

My period is 6 days late, I have a certain type of discharge, period like cramps but different to actual period pains (I had this with DS before I tested positive) my boobs are so sore and I'm ridiculously thirsty. I didn't connect the dots until I checked the calender and realised how late I am. I can't have another baby for so many reasons. Lack of space My mental health is shit My eldest is disabled and wouldn't cope with another baby I almost died giving birth to my youngest and have PTSD from that. I would have to abort but doing so would just about finish me off, I've always been against abortions where *my* body is concerned (but fully support other women's rights to make decisions about their own) I was taking precautions but clearly not enough. OH has gone to the small Tesco extra down the road to buy a test. Please hold my hand I'm terrified

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 22:45

@PyongyangKipperbang

Not nice.....but ...I dont know. I hope YKWIM

I do. And it is nice. Not everything 'not nice' is horrid forever and sometimes the best of a bad job is still a relief when it's a way out.

Thanks PyongyangKipperbang, a clever man that Terry Pratchett and I will buy that book.

Sadrightnow · 01/03/2021 22:45

No, I don’t think there is a heartbeat technically. I had an abortion at 5 weeks and the nurse struggled to find it during a scan beforehand because the embryo - and that’s what it is (not even a fetus) - is so tiny. It’s the size of a pea.

I had a surgical abortion, I was sedated during the procedure so felt and remember nothing. Honestly it felt worse going to the dentist. A medical abortion will be more painful - you’ll feel it more.

You have options. Call BPAS or your GP.

You’ll be ok OP

Sadrightnow · 01/03/2021 22:47

You are 100% doing the right thing for you and your family. Please don’t feel guilty. You are early and you will get through this just fine

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 22:49

OP, can you make an appointment to see your GP if they're seeing people? You really do need somebody to talk this through with, I'm sorry that you don't RL support, it's very shit for you.

Whatever decison you come to will be the right one, for you, only you matter for this and it's entirely up to you. You sound incredibly sad and lost and if I could give you a hug, I would.

hotclothbuns · 01/03/2021 22:49

Please don't take that the wrong way although clearly it's not come across what I meant at all. You have every right to post about your situation, and despite not living your experience I can completely understand why you feel this way and am so so sorry you didn't get the result you want. my issue is with life in general and how we can be in completely opposite situations but united in frustration and grief, although point taken I will remove myself from your thread now.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 22:51

@Sadrightnow

No, I don’t think there is a heartbeat technically. I had an abortion at 5 weeks and the nurse struggled to find it during a scan beforehand because the embryo - and that’s what it is (not even a fetus) - is so tiny. It’s the size of a pea.

I had a surgical abortion, I was sedated during the procedure so felt and remember nothing. Honestly it felt worse going to the dentist. A medical abortion will be more painful - you’ll feel it more.

You have options. Call BPAS or your GP.

You’ll be ok OP

I disagree. I have had three terminations in my life, two I was on board with, the third I described above. The surgical ones took longer to recover from physically, but the medical one, whilst less painful over all, can be harder emotionally. Only the OP can decide, and any decent clinic will talk her through her options.

I dont think its for us to tell her which is the best way to go.

OP I am happy to talk if you want to PM me, or I am in the East Mids if you want to meet for a chat.

Original poster

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:53

@Sadrightnow

No, I don’t think there is a heartbeat technically. I had an abortion at 5 weeks and the nurse struggled to find it during a scan beforehand because the embryo - and that’s what it is (not even a fetus) - is so tiny. It’s the size of a pea.

I had a surgical abortion, I was sedated during the procedure so felt and remember nothing. Honestly it felt worse going to the dentist. A medical abortion will be more painful - you’ll feel it more.

You have options. Call BPAS or your GP.

You’ll be ok OP

Thank you ❤

I would go to pieces if I saw a heartbeat.

I don't think I could cope with a surgical because being sedated is a trigger for my PTSD. I had sepsis after having DD two years ago and had to have emergency surgery to remove retained placenta. I was in ICU for a week and then HDU for a further week and it traumatised me. I wasn't right in myself for almost a year afterwards and had a total breakdown.

If I go ahead with a termination it'll have to be medical I think

There's no better option for me really. Whatever happens it's going to fuck me up.

I feel so much resentment towards OH at the minute. I don't even like sex. I haven't wanted it since everything happened with DD. My sex drive well and truly went. I only relented from time to time for his sake because he says he feels unloved and unwanted and that I don't find him attractive anymore.

OP posts:

Original poster

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:55

Crossed posts

I'm reading everything Thank you for talking to me

I'm happy to pm and receive pm's

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 22:56

I would go to pieces if I saw a heartbeat.

When I had the termination I spoke about above they did scan to make sure that there was something to terminate, but they dont show you the screen. Its purely so that they are sure that they are not prescribing an un-needed treatment. You wont see anything you dont want to.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 22:56

Please don't keep having sex with him, you don't want it. How he feels is completely irrelevant because what is HE doing to make YOU feel loved and wanted?

You don't need this man in your life, he brings nothing good for you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 22:58

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Please don't keep having sex with him, you don't want it. How he feels is completely irrelevant because what is HE doing to make YOU feel loved and wanted?

You don't need this man in your life, he brings nothing good for you.

Yes yes YES to this.

He doesnt seem to care about you feeling unloved and unwanted does he?

Joiningthegossip · 01/03/2021 22:59

Hi OP,
Sorry it's not the news you wanted.
I decided to terminate recently, I was around the same as you. I called up and was booked in pretty quickly, I didn't have a scan, the consultation was done over the phone & I picked up the pills needed straight away (or they can post, but I wanted to do it straight away before I got any further along)

It's heartbreaking but if you know deep down you can't go ahead then it's the only option.
I'm sure the helpline is open 24/7 and they offer counselling if would like it.

Hope you manage to get some sleep

Original poster

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 22:59

I'm not sure if my GP is seeing people unless it's an emergency but I will give the surgery a ring in the morning and ask that somebody calls me back.

I think I need to have a sit down with a medical professional as I just feel so out of my depth.

You are all so kind and I don't quite feel I deserve that, but I'm very thankful.

I wish I didn't have sex with him. I get nothing from it. It's all entirely for his benefit, yet I felt defective for not wanting it, like a bad partner and less of a woman.

If I could turn back time I wouldn't have gone along with it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 23:02

I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight. I have some nytol in the cupboard I'll try one of those.

I'm going to look at phone numbers tomorrow, I couldn't bring myself to do it tonight.

They offer counselling? That would be wonderful. I would definitely need that.

Am I going to be in alot of pain? My son is severely autistic and runs me ragged, he has violent meltdowns and I'm wondering how I'm going to handle both things at once.

OP posts:

Original poster

Plzholdmyhandforamin · 01/03/2021 23:04

@Joiningthegossip

Hi OP, Sorry it's not the news you wanted. I decided to terminate recently, I was around the same as you. I called up and was booked in pretty quickly, I didn't have a scan, the consultation was done over the phone & I picked up the pills needed straight away (or they can post, but I wanted to do it straight away before I got any further along)

It's heartbreaking but if you know deep down you can't go ahead then it's the only option.
I'm sure the helpline is open 24/7 and they offer counselling if would like it.

Hope you manage to get some sleep

Sending love to you and others who have been in this position, thank you for being here and talking to me tonight. I am taking comfort from your replies.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 23:05

OP... Yesterday was another country. You don't need to explain or apologise or feel guilty - or bloody defective! You are worthwhile in your own right and you will be alright again, it's just going to take a bit of sorting and some healing time.

You do not need this man in your life though... aside from coercing you to have sex you don't want, he does nothing to support you and I get a very strong feeling that he would be the one pushing for termination. That's not his call, nothing is his call. Not any more.

I'm glad you will be ringing your surgery tomorrow; that is a good place to start.

Calmate · 01/03/2021 23:06

@Plzholdmyhandforamin
and also
@hotclothbuns
I hear you both. One of you desperately doesn't want a baby, one desperately does want a baby.
I didn't want my third baby, but now I thank God for her, 30+ years later. It is not easy, especially when there are money worries, but I have many happy memories of when my DC were little, they have all brought more joy to my life than tears. I recently spoke to a work colleague who is the same age as me, and she now bitterly regrets not having children, although I 'm not sure whether she would feel like this if it were not for Lockdown. Lockdown has highlighted so many issues which would otherwise not seemed important.
Thinking of you both

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2021 23:08

Yes, clinics have to offer counselling. They will let you talk as much or as little as you want. I am an internalizer so I dont talk at all, but it was offered at every stage.

My medical termination was like a bad period and the pain ended as soon as it was over. About 24 hours all told and managed with paracetamol, I was in more pain after the surgicals but its all personal so I wouldnt like to say more than that.

I would suggest that you lay it down in black and white to your husband that "this is happening on X Y and Z dates" (you have to take two lots of pills on different days) and "you will HAVE to be in charge of the kids for those days. I will not be around. This is on you."

Do not take no for an answer.

adeleh · 01/03/2021 23:12

I’ve been where you are now, OP. It’s a horrible, horrible place to be. I’m so sorry. You do deserve all the kindness in the world. Take care of yourself, give yourself space and try not to eat yourself up for the decision you make. In the end I was OK and I hope you will be too xxx

Joiningthegossip · 01/03/2021 23:15

@Plzholdmyhandforamin

I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight. I have some nytol in the cupboard I'll try one of those.

I'm going to look at phone numbers tomorrow, I couldn't bring myself to do it tonight.

They offer counselling? That would be wonderful. I would definitely need that.

Am I going to be in alot of pain? My son is severely autistic and runs me ragged, he has violent meltdowns and I'm wondering how I'm going to handle both things at once.

I had mine through the Marie stopes clinics, I called them directly. They take your details then someone else calls you back a day or so later then your consultation (they talk through options) they are very kind and gentle on the phone, they aren't judging you. They will offer counselling each time you speak to them. I think everyone is different but from my experience, it started a few hours after I done the pill and it was a little uncomfortable but was just a heavy period. It was all done within a couple of days. I had a cry when it was happening but I was also relieved as I knew deep down I'm not in a position to have another child.

Doingitaloneandproud · 01/03/2021 23:16

I've been there, when I was a teenager. It was hard, but it honestly was the right decision for me and I've never regretted it. It's not a pleasant procedure, it was slightly painful and after it felt like cramps. I could walk and behave like normal, no one knew or guessed anything bad happened. I'm really sorry you're in this situation

HowManyToes · 01/03/2021 23:18

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Mammyloveswine · 01/03/2021 23:18

Op I had an unexpected pregnancy just over a year ago that I didn't continue with..I was 5 weeks 5 days when I had my termination.

I'll never forget it and I do often light a candle and say sorry that I couldn't keep my baby however it was totally the right decision.

I do wish I had sought counselling though.. when my due date came around I was very messed up and it's only now I'm starting to feel more like me again.

Sending and feel free to pm me xx

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 23:21

HowmanyToes that poster has apologised and left the thread though... and you're bringing it up again to castigate her, why? OP has to read it again as well, not great, is it?

ScatteredMama82 · 01/03/2021 23:21

@Plzholdmyhandforamin I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like your mind is made up, know that there is loads of support for you on here. Your current situation, even without another baby in the mix, sounds really bloody hard work and I take my hat off to you for all you've been through and kept going. You must not feel guilty for how you are feeling and don't apologise for it.