I’ve got a purple fanny

[TheLostDiadem]

Due to see boyfriend for the first time this year at the weekend. We only started seeing each other in December, slept together once and then lockdown happened again.

I can’t get a bikini wax so attempted to do it myself yesterday. I half chickened out though so only a few hairs came out even though it bloody killed. Figured it didn’t matter and I’d just do a bit of a tidy up Saturday morning before I go and see him.

I’ve just had a shower and my fanny is completely purple and bruised. It looks like loads of bruises around the actual hairs so it looks like hundreds of little bulls eyes. Even though the hairs didn’t come out they got a tug and that must have bruised them somehow.

Should I be worried? Can anyone recommend a decent minge friendly concealer? There’s no way this is going to disappear in the next 48 hours is there? I’ve taken some arnica but not expecting it to do much.

Oh bless you! It'll go down quicker than you think, the bruising that is.

It happens to me, sensitive skin which bruises like a a peach, he won't notice, if he does he won't care, if he does care then fuck him.

I can't help you with your purple fanny, but if it makes you feel any better, I ripped my tit this week when I was using it to shoot DD.

@SpicyTinkle

I can't help you with your purple fanny, but if it makes you feel any better, I ripped my tit this week when I was using it to shoot DD.

You WHAT?! I have too many questions I don't know where to start

@Snowymcsnowsony

Lather on some baby oil and squat over a pile of glitter.. I feel certain a unicorn themed sparkly minge will be a fab addition to a sex fuelled evening..

HA!

@SpicyTinkle

I can't help you with your purple fanny, but if it makes you feel any better, I ripped my tit this week when I was using it to shoot DD.

Seconded....we need more info!

@Myworldyourworld

Just turn the light out

JuneauBound I shoot the DC and my DH with my tits. Pew pew kind of a thing. If it's both at the same time, it's a machine gun - pewpewpewpewpew. DD FaceTimed me when I was working (from home) the other day. My phone was in a stand on my desk. I didn't have a bra on, so I thought I would take the opportunity to shoot her. I pulled up my top and grabbed my tit, but I did it too hard and I stretched it up, so that it would be in the frame. I ripped the skin on the underside of my tit. I've put Sudocreme on and a sock which is kept in place by my tit, to keep the area dry. I did a diagram for my friend earlier. I'll see if I can post it.

The other tit has a burn on it.

oh my god

@SpicyTinkle

JuneauBound I shoot the DC and my DH with my tits. Pew pew kind of a thing. If it's both at the same time, it's a machine gun - pewpewpewpewpew. DD FaceTimed me when I was working (from home) the other day. My phone was in a stand on my desk. I didn't have a bra on, so I thought I would take the opportunity to shoot her. I pulled up my top and grabbed my tit, but I did it too hard and I stretched it up, so that it would be in the frame. I ripped the skin on the underside of my tit. I've put Sudocreme on and a sock which is kept in place by my tit, to keep the area dry. I did a diagram for my friend earlier. I'll see if I can post it.

Fuck me, that is hysterical! :o:o:o:o:o:o

So we are not even talking a 4am "I am so tired and you, my precious newborn baby, wont sleep so I am pretending to shoot you with my boob" But a grown up woman pretending to shoot another grown up woman VIA THE INTERNET?!

Because thats how I am reading this!

And the burn?!

Yes, I suppose it's just how it sounds. I can't remember how I burned the other one. I spill things on my tits a lot. They've got a hard life.

Does no one else use their tits to shoot people?! Why not?

Tip from an ex stripper- concealer totally works (I used to use Boing by Benefit)! I used it as waxing and shaving a lot did make things look a bit bumpy or uneven. I would apply concealer and then finish with a dusting of bronzer.

I get that he shouldn’t be bothered either way and I couldn’t be arsed to go to those lengths now for my long term partner but if you want to for your own peace of mind then there’s nothing wrong with a bit of additional care taken to the area, it’s still a new relationship and you want to look and feel your best. Would second aloe vera or arnica too in the interim to act as an anti inflammatory.

@SpicyTinkle thank you for the diagram

Hooting here. You've made my week with the royal icing. It's like having Victoria Wood back.
OP, I am sorry tbis has happened, but thank you for sharing this lockdown injury.

@SpicyTinkle

JuneauBound I shoot the DC and my DH with my tits. Pew pew kind of a thing. If it's both at the same time, it's a machine gun - pewpewpewpewpew. DD FaceTimed me when I was working (from home) the other day. My phone was in a stand on my desk. I didn't have a bra on, so I thought I would take the opportunity to shoot her. I pulled up my top and grabbed my tit, but I did it too hard and I stretched it up, so that it would be in the frame. I ripped the skin on the underside of my tit. I've put Sudocreme on and a sock which is kept in place by my tit, to keep the area dry. I did a diagram for my friend earlier. I'll see if I can post it.

This and the diagram are the best things I've read. Ever.

Crying.

🤣

If he dumps you for not successfully waxing he's not a keeper anyway. Wear your purple with pride, sod 'minge concealer' (does that even exist?)

Absolutely howling, hope it's not too sore lovely, what a nightmare!

I'm so sorry but I laughed so hard at this! Post waxing fanny foundation will become a thing now! Gwyneth will start selling one made of organic talc and fairies wings on Goop.....

I'm awake with a baby who didnt want to sleep. Getting quite frustrated because I'm so tired. Read this and I'm trying not to laugh because he's just dropped off!

@SpicyTinkle

JuneauBound I shoot the DC and my DH with my tits. Pew pew kind of a thing. If it's both at the same time, it's a machine gun - pewpewpewpewpew. DD FaceTimed me when I was working (from home) the other day. My phone was in a stand on my desk. I didn't have a bra on, so I thought I would take the opportunity to shoot her. I pulled up my top and grabbed my tit, but I did it too hard and I stretched it up, so that it would be in the frame. I ripped the skin on the underside of my tit. I've put Sudocreme on and a sock which is kept in place by my tit, to keep the area dry. I did a diagram for my friend earlier. I'll see if I can post it.

Oh dear

@SpicyTinkle

JuneauBound I shoot the DC and my DH with my tits. Pew pew kind of a thing. If it's both at the same time, it's a machine gun - pewpewpewpewpew. DD FaceTimed me when I was working (from home) the other day. My phone was in a stand on my desk. I didn't have a bra on, so I thought I would take the opportunity to shoot her. I pulled up my top and grabbed my tit, but I did it too hard and I stretched it up, so that it would be in the frame. I ripped the skin on the underside of my tit. I've put Sudocreme on and a sock which is kept in place by my tit, to keep the area dry. I did a diagram for my friend earlier. I'll see if I can post it.

You need your own show! Howling at the diagram! 😂😂😂😂

God don’t put make up on it. Christ can you imagine trying to explain that when it rubs off “no darling I don’t usually put make up on my fanny”.

actual lol
If he is close enough to see it up close then he is close enough for you to tell.
Also this, make a joke of it, if he's a keeper he'll see the funny side and laugh it off

I'm leaving aside the you shoot them with your boobs (one thing at a time)
but how the fk do you manage to do this lol I pulled up my top and grabbed my tit, but I did it too hard and I stretched it up, so that it would be in the frame. I ripped the skin on the underside of my tit.

Would concealer on your fanny not just sweat off making your knickers look like you shat them? I'd rather risk him seeing the bruises (because he isn't looking at your fanny like he's assessing the Mona Lisa, let's face it)