I’ve got a purple fanny

[TheLostDiadem]

Due to see boyfriend for the first time this year at the weekend. We only started seeing each other in December, slept together once and then lockdown happened again.

I can’t get a bikini wax so attempted to do it myself yesterday. I half chickened out though so only a few hairs came out even though it bloody killed. Figured it didn’t matter and I’d just do a bit of a tidy up Saturday morning before I go and see him.

I’ve just had a shower and my fanny is completely purple and bruised. It looks like loads of bruises around the actual hairs so it looks like hundreds of little bulls eyes. Even though the hairs didn’t come out they got a tug and that must have bruised them somehow.

Should I be worried? Can anyone recommend a decent minge friendly concealer? There’s no way this is going to disappear in the next 48 hours is there? I’ve taken some arnica but not expecting it to do much.

Just turn the light out

This^ But this thread is so funny.

I never google stuff on here after the 'munting' and 'egg fried rice' threads.

I have never fired my tits at anyone. It sounds very painful and they've been through enough in my lifetime.

I never google stuff on here after the 'munting' and 'egg fried rice' threads

I never google anything on here, far too much of a wuss lol
I don't even want to know what those mean

@VienneseWhirligig

Would concealer on your fanny not just sweat off making your knickers look like you shat them? I'd rather risk him seeing the bruises (because he isn't looking at your fanny like he's assessing the Mona Lisa, let's face it)

Tbf if it's that bruised it probably is a bit of a Moaning Lisa right now

Boring answer but try Germolene, if you have some, or can get hold of some as soon as possible. It should make it a lot less angry.

A green toned concealer takes the redness out. Not that I am recommending that for the nether regions!

What you need is tinted “ hoof and foof “ which was rolled out as a concept last week. Maybe the the development team should also add some spf in case it is sunny when one is airing one’s injuries.

Oh god, it reminds me of the time, I let my friend practice for her beautician training on me. She told me that she would be giving me a Hollywood. I ended up with a new wax hymen and it was more of a bloody Bronx!

Off to Google munting. Should I go incognito?

@spicytinkle
I haven't read your post but studying the diagram I don't think they should be parking there.

Oh goodness. What have I read. Didn't even open that urban dictionary link. I lost my innocence today. Might not recover from the shock and disgust

I'm struggling to imagine a man going through this much angst about how pretty his genitals are looking for a days.

KatesMott
(I used to use Boing by Benefit)! I used it as waxing and shaving a lot did make things look a bit bumpy or uneven. I would apply concealer and then finish with a dusting of bronzer

Bloody hell, I've not lived😁

I want a buff-top fanny too.

@GingerScallop 😳 I googled too

@VienneseWhirligig

Would concealer on your fanny not just sweat off making your knickers look like you shat them? I'd rather risk him seeing the bruises (because he isn't looking at your fanny like he's assessing the Mona Lisa, let's face it)

Lol!

Dump the bloke and hook up with Barney. He’s on Bumble and loves a purple fanny.

I. I have no words

I’m thinkin maybe go for a fake tanning home job?i mean, what could go wrong

Can you juggle? Like as a distraction technique to avert his eyes from the big purple people eater?

Can you dye your pubes purple?

[quote TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]@spicytinkle
I haven't read your post but studying the diagram I don't think they should be parking there.[/quote]

@thenewduchessofhastings

Blue waffle anyone?

If you don't know what this is;don't google it 😂

That's what I thought when I read the title! 😂😂😂

These replies are hilarious! Really set me up for the day!!! I am at work so really must stop sniggering!

Take lots of arnica and put arnica cream on it every couple of hrs

When l first saw the title l thought that you had posted on here instead of Style & Beauty by mistake 😂

I think it will settle quite quickly. Leave your knix off for a bit and try collendular (spelling?) cream. No trousers or tights!

@LunarCatAndDaffodils

Dump the bloke and hook up with Barney. He’s on Bumble and loves a purple fanny.

@Yellowspot Poor you!

Next time we see strange terms we will not Google them. Repeat after me