I’ve got a purple fanny

[TheLostDiadem]

Due to see boyfriend for the first time this year at the weekend. We only started seeing each other in December, slept together once and then lockdown happened again.

I can’t get a bikini wax so attempted to do it myself yesterday. I half chickened out though so only a few hairs came out even though it bloody killed. Figured it didn’t matter and I’d just do a bit of a tidy up Saturday morning before I go and see him.

I’ve just had a shower and my fanny is completely purple and bruised. It looks like loads of bruises around the actual hairs so it looks like hundreds of little bulls eyes. Even though the hairs didn’t come out they got a tug and that must have bruised them somehow.

Should I be worried? Can anyone recommend a decent minge friendly concealer? There’s no way this is going to disappear in the next 48 hours is there? I’ve taken some arnica but not expecting it to do much.

I have never shot anyone with my tits, but it sounds quite fun.

Though my tits are so saggy I could probably hold them more like a sniper rifle.

Can you not just paint your whole body in a matching colour and tell him you are an Avatar now?

It still looks fucking livid this morning. I did actually try and put some concealer on there but the surrounding skin must be darker than the skin on my face so it makes it look haunted instead. There’s also the issue that there’s still a load of hairs there which don’t exactly look great caked in concealer either.

I sent a photo to my sister asking for advice which she then showed to her fucking husband because he wanted to know why she was laughing so much. He then sent me this photo which is actually pretty close (apart from the face and hand. My fanny doesn’t have that).

Your bil will be thinking up a nickname he can call you at family gatherings now.. Be glad Covid is delaying that.

Ok....

Can I be the first to nominate this for Classics, please?

Unless your planning on shining a spotlight on your bits interrogation style I’m sure it will be fine.

'haunted' 🤣🤣

Just leave the poor creature alone and keep the lights low!

Your sister showed the photo to her husband

Is it tomorrow you're seeing him? It'll go down loads by then.
If it's still prickly and you've done a bit of a shit job, I'd shave. Not ideal but I'd want it to be tidy at least!

Other than a quick tidy up though, stop messing with it! Leave it to calm down!
Definitely don't put concealer on it

In hysterics and absolutely, this needs to go in classics

Poor you. If you have any aloe vera gel or some arnica cream, use that as it will calm it down a little.

woodlandbelle it was a relatively flattering photo, taken from above rather than a close up shot so not too much of an issue.

You can apparently have a matching face mask @Ps Men don’t have this angst as tbh a penis is not pretty

This thread. People shooting their grown children with their naked tits. People showing their husbands a photo of their sister's bruised fanny.

What. the. fuck. has. happened.

If it's any consolation, I've recently had surgery on the inside of my thigh, and a nurse showed my DP how to clean the wound/do the dressing so I didn't need to come into the surgery every day.

Last night, he essentially tried to wax me taking his last adhesive dressing off. It was both hilarious and squeal inducing. How he can still find me attractive after all this is anyone's guess He's a good egg...

Long and short of it is, if he's the one for you he really won't care, and it'll end up being a brilliant anecdote further down the line

"this photo which is actually pretty close (apart from the face and hand. My fanny doesn’t have that)" 😂😂

Sweet Jesus, I haven't laughed so much in ages.
Thank you @TheLostDiadem and @SpicyTinkle you have completely made my day/week/month

@SpicyTinkle I do the exact same thing to my partner and daughter! he obviously plays dead. My daughter is 5 months so doesn't respond

There's a lockdown on, no?

@SpicyTinkle

Does no one else use their tits to shoot people?! Why not?

Yes!!

Not me personally, but anyone remember an 80s Japanese manga-type cartoon where a gigantic female robot shot her boobs out as her main weapon?

I've never forgotten. It was a weekly thing too!

Haunted

I'm suffering really badly with both urge and stress incontinence. This thread has not helped.
Online tit guns.
Minge concealer.
Your BIL being shown a picture of said minge.
Look at what lockdown has done to us

I think you should find a reason not to visit this weekend, and visit at a later date. Your boyfriend may not be able to DTD out of laughing, possibly.

I’m definitely going this weekend, it’s been bloody ages since I’ve seen him, it’s difficult due to him having his dc EOW then my exDh having my dc on the weekend he doesn’t have his dc iyswim.

I think I’ll just tell him, I don’t want him thinking I’ve got the plague. I’ve currently got my knickers full of arnica so it will hopefully look a bit better tomorrow. Knowing my luck it will fade to green though which is probably even worse than purple.

moonmelodies what’s a lockdown? Not heard anything about that somehow . Joking, btw, I’m not going to break any rules so you can hold off calling the police.

OP I'm sorry this happened but your post had me in stitches! Keep the lights off xx