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Original poster

AIBU Mother in Law gave baby phone

275 replies

Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 22:00

Hey everyone,
Background - Our 11 month old baby visits my mother and father in law at their house twice a week so that my husband and I can have time off from childcare to work.
since he’s been born I’ve told all the family that a goal of mine is to keep him away from screens for as long as possible, so I never watch YouTube or any apps with him. We use the phone to listen to music on Spotify. But It’s 2021 , and I know he will eventually be using screens, but as he’s still a baby this is a really important for me to maintain this time before he starts to get interested in screens.
I also think it’s a slippery slope once you do introduce phones and tablets, they are designed to get babies hooked.

Today I casually asked how he was doing during his visit to their house and my mother in law replied saying me he was having his lunch and ‘watching his Shows’
I asked what she meant by shows, and she explained he watches a few cartoons. I explained that I was really surprised because we had told them I didn’t want him to watch screens, to which she said it was ‘only 20 mins of cartoons each visit.’
I feel really hurt and actually quite angry about this. I feel as the parents we should be the ones to introduce screens , or at least asked first if we are ok with them showing him screens.
My husband acts like everything is no big deal so has tried to stay out of it, which is also quite annoying.
I know times are different now, it’s the digital age, but I’m trying to keep my son protected from screens for as long as possible.
Also for context - after I asked my mother in law not to use her phone during my wedding .a she FaceTimed her sisters, during mine and my husbands wedding ceremony... so she has been known to ignore requests this before. AIBU ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 23:12

No I don’t FaceTime my family. We speak on the phone but I just don’t like using screens around him at this age.

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 25/02/2021 23:12

I’m the mother and sometimes what I ask gets ignored

what about your husband? What about his views? Seems he’s getting ignored also as he doesn’t seem bothered!

I can tell from this thread a lot of people think I’m being ridiculous so I’m going to delete it!
Why, because you’re not getting the replies you wanted?
Maybe take on view the replies, give them a break, they’re giving you one!
Your little one will be fine
With a tiny bit of screen time, it’s not going to damage them.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 25/02/2021 23:13

@Rooandrose

No I don’t FaceTime my family. We speak on the phone but I just don’t like using screens around him at this age.
WTF

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Families
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 25/02/2021 23:13

WOW

PickAChew · 25/02/2021 23:14

Baby is ruined for life. There's no hope, now. Whatever will you do?

Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 23:15

Nope we don’t have a tv at home! My husband and I use laptops in bed for movies. We don’t watch much.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2021 23:16

What’s his view on the screen ban?

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2021 23:17

@Rooandrose

Nope we don’t have a tv at home! My husband and I use laptops in bed for movies. We don’t watch much.
So you do watch screens yourself.

At what age would you let your DC watch?

Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 23:17

He doesn’t like the baby near the screens. He got really bad eye problems from looking at a screen so just isn’t keen on it.
When it comes to his parents though he doesn’t want to make a fuss when they are just doing their best and being loving grandparents; which is very true.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 25/02/2021 23:17

@Rooandrose

No I don’t FaceTime my family. We speak on the phone but I just don’t like using screens around him at this age.
So your family haven't seen him?

Harsh.

What is your actual objection? Do you think they're dangerous?

Hadjab · 25/02/2021 23:18

This sort of comment is really rude imo. The whole Mumsnet "PFB" snide. It's bitchy and unsupportive of another woman and mum. The OP had a specific rule about her own child. Just the same as if she had religious beliefs and associated dietary requirements she wished her child to follow, for example. It may not be MIL's style but it's not her place to usurp things and just do as she pleases

Then the OP needs to rehire the nanny if she doesn’t like it...

Mamamamasaurus · 25/02/2021 23:18

Is this really the hill you want to die on OP?

Jesus. You sound hard work. Everyone needs a break, especially from a 'hyper baby'. It's less than an HOUR A WEEK. Cool your jets.

SionnachGlic · 25/02/2021 23:18

I can understand why you want to ban the screens... but I think you need to accept that it is easier to set rules & enforce them with paid childcare than family. 20 mins is not too much. As long as PIL don't ever give in when time's up & baby wants more. I find it shocking to sit in restaurant (pre-covid!) & see toddlers & kids glued to phones to keep the quiet & then losing their minds when plates arrive & parents want them to eat. Yours won't become addicted if times are restricted & limited. A 20 min cartoon is fine I think & when it is over that's it, no more. Mine wouldn't have sat tho still & concentrated for 20 mins when he was 11 months so it is probably just sounds, music & colours he likes....

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2021 23:19

@Rooandrose

He doesn’t like the baby near the screens. He got really bad eye problems from looking at a screen so just isn’t keen on it. When it comes to his parents though he doesn’t want to make a fuss when they are just doing their best and being loving grandparents; which is very true.
Staring at computer screens for work is a very different matter to watching a TV (much better imo) in a well lit room.

If he's got bad eyes, why watch a screen at all?

Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 23:20

Thanks ! you sound lovely :)

OP posts:
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 25/02/2021 23:20

The fact that you won’t let your family see the baby goes way beyond PFB, if I were them I would be very upset with you. This is massively irrational and hurtful. Do you feel the need to just control everything?

Jackie2022 · 25/02/2021 23:20

Look, I think your child, your rules.

However I find your attitudes towards devices quite weird. As you say, we’re in the digital age. You’re probably placing him at a disadvantage if you long term try to “shield” him from modern life.

When he gets older he’s only going to be “exposed” to more people using them. He’ll even see your household using your devices and get curious that way

queenofthelamas · 25/02/2021 23:20

Wow... my 20 month old has watched baby sensory etc on YouTube and is yet to show any issues at all. The only issue I have is watching hey duggee episodes again and again!

You're being precious and unreasonable

MissMarks · 25/02/2021 23:22

Your baby is better with their grandparents if they are only fifty and fit and otherwise decent people, than with a nanny. Much better for baby brain development and long term consistency.
Pick your battles, and if anything like both sets of my children’s grandparents- they will just do it anyway and not tell you.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/02/2021 23:22

What will you do @Rooandrose if nursery has screens?

Will you get a TV when the baby is older?

saraclara · 25/02/2021 23:22

You seem to be overlooking the fact that your MIL was honest about it. She told you he was watching the cartoons. So either you didn't make your instructions clear, or she's at least been upfront with you.

But I think it's most likely that when you talked about no screens, she thought you meant phones/tablets etc. In her position, I wouldn't have expected you to have meant TV as well.

Notaroadrunner · 25/02/2021 23:23

My MIL and FIL said they didn’t think the baby was happy with the nanny and they offered to take him instead

You and Dh are the baby's parents. Why did you do as your inlaws said by getting rid of the nanny? Did you and Dh also think your child was unhappy with the nanny?

I couldn't get worked up about screen time. My Ds knew colours and recognised numbers before he was 2, thanks to a couple of apps we had on the iPad for him. He watched cartoons but wouldn't sit for too long before something else would catch his attention. There is a balance to be had. 20 minutes of cartoons twice a week will hardly harm your child. I'd pick my battles. If it's really going to bother you then you need to rethink your child care arrangement. Pay for childcare and at least that way a nanny is more likely to follow your rules, rather than grandparents ignoring them.

Fiona2020 · 25/02/2021 23:23

This is SUCH a Mumsnet post. Did he also not get given the correct organic vegan pouch for lunch?!

Wondermule · 25/02/2021 23:23

It makes me quite sad that some people see the toddler years as some kind of stage where their children can be purged of bad habits and primed to be superchildren by the time they reach school.

Toddlers are little people, they deserve the odd treat, to be able to relax, to have a bit more excitement than sitting in the corner with wooden blocks. That’s not to say they should eat maccy d’s in front of CBeebies every day, but if you don’t enjoy your children and have moments of fun and excitement together, what’s the point? Sad

GabsAlot · 25/02/2021 23:25

they didnt like your wtf did it have to do with them?

anyway they seem to have got their way so either go with it or get your nanny back

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