Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

AIBU Mother in Law gave baby phone

275 replies

Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 22:00

Hey everyone,
Background - Our 11 month old baby visits my mother and father in law at their house twice a week so that my husband and I can have time off from childcare to work.
since he’s been born I’ve told all the family that a goal of mine is to keep him away from screens for as long as possible, so I never watch YouTube or any apps with him. We use the phone to listen to music on Spotify. But It’s 2021 , and I know he will eventually be using screens, but as he’s still a baby this is a really important for me to maintain this time before he starts to get interested in screens.
I also think it’s a slippery slope once you do introduce phones and tablets, they are designed to get babies hooked.

Today I casually asked how he was doing during his visit to their house and my mother in law replied saying me he was having his lunch and ‘watching his Shows’
I asked what she meant by shows, and she explained he watches a few cartoons. I explained that I was really surprised because we had told them I didn’t want him to watch screens, to which she said it was ‘only 20 mins of cartoons each visit.’
I feel really hurt and actually quite angry about this. I feel as the parents we should be the ones to introduce screens , or at least asked first if we are ok with them showing him screens.
My husband acts like everything is no big deal so has tried to stay out of it, which is also quite annoying.
I know times are different now, it’s the digital age, but I’m trying to keep my son protected from screens for as long as possible.
Also for context - after I asked my mother in law not to use her phone during my wedding .a she FaceTimed her sisters, during mine and my husbands wedding ceremony... so she has been known to ignore requests this before. AIBU ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 22:32

He is in nursery for the other 3 days - they haven’t got space for him for 2 more so we had a nanny for those 2 days.
My MIL and FIL said they didn’t think the baby was happy with the nanny and they offered to take him instead. I probably made a mistake being so quick to change to them taking him twice a week because it does now feel that was their reason for introducing screens because they are tired ! I just wish they’d asked us first.
I’m guessing PFB means precious first born?!
Damn right he’s precious ! aren’t they all? This world is crazy sometimes and we all are doing our best to keep our children’s minds protected.

I’m also grateful for the different perspectives you’ve all shared , maybe I’ll change my mind as he gets a bit older. For now I like that he’s happy playing with books and toys and want to wait for screens

OP posts:
endlesswicker · 25/02/2021 22:35

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill, quite honestly. 20 minutes twice a week is going to do no harm at all. In any case, if you spoke to your IL's about not giving your dc any screen time, it is unlikely that they would have realised you meant the television. They probably thought you meant phones, tablets etc. As I did, from what you wrote in your OP.

Sassysally12 · 25/02/2021 22:38

Your husband must be mortified. Imagine your parents giving you two FREE days of childcare and your wife moaning they put cartoons on for 20 minutes?? Seriously, it's toe curling.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Nith · 25/02/2021 22:41

I'm with your husband, it really is no big deal Your child isn't going to get hooked on screens because he watches for 20 minutes twice a week as a baby, and actually it could be quite good for him. My DS absolutely loved Thomas the Tank Engine as a baby and some of his first words came from that. He's not addicted to screens, has a great vocabulary, a wide range of interests, is very sociable, and is in no way damaged.

On the other hand, I know older people who are completely addicted, despite the fact that either they had no screens at all when they were little or only had very limited exposure to TV.

VodselForDinner · 25/02/2021 22:42

YABU, and ridiculous.

Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 22:42

People keep on reminding me that I’m getting free childcare, as if the grandparents don’t want to look after him.
We have not asked them to take him at all, they’ve asked us if they can be involved and take care of him.
They are both 50 years old and not
Working full time.
They want to be very involved, and at times it’s overwhelming
I’m the mother and sometimes what I ask gets ignored. This screen time thing is just one example
Please don’t make assumptions !

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 25/02/2021 22:43

Why did you listen to them about the nanny? Were you happy with the nanny?

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/02/2021 22:43

YABU and actually a little screen time can be really beneficial for fine motor and basic skills like counting etc.

Mmn654123 · 25/02/2021 22:43

Yes. Yabu.

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2021 22:43

I’m the mother and sometimes what I ask gets ignored.

Have you checked if they’ve had a conversation with their son about it? He has a valid opinion too...

VashtaNerada · 25/02/2021 22:43

I think it’s really important to be able to let go when someone else is looking after your DC. Aside from very obvious no-nos (like swapping the formula for gin or leaving a box of matches in the cot) you need to let them make some decisions themselves. It’s much better for your sanity that way, because you simply can’t control what happens when you’re not there.

littlemisslozza · 25/02/2021 22:44

There are actually some.excellent educational programmes - could you suggest some that you'd be ok with perhaps? Mr Tumble (Something Special) was always lovely when mine were little. They also enjoyed In the Night Garden and things like Alphablocks and Numberblocks by the age of two. Personally I don't see the problem with that sort of thing a few times a week. No to YouTube videos though!

Mrsdoubtfireswig · 25/02/2021 22:45

Wait till you’re freely offering peppa pig so you can cook the tea / do the washing / go for a wee in peace Grin

Supmama · 25/02/2021 22:46

Perhaps you should put him in nursery if it bothers you that much. Free childcare always comes at a price and I think you have to pick your battles.

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/02/2021 22:46

NumberBlocks is amazing.

Original poster
Rooandrose · 25/02/2021 22:46

That’s a very good point.
It’s hard for me that my parents haven’t seen my son in 6 Months and the only ‘rule’ I’ve put in place with my MIL and FIL relates to screens, which has been ignored.
I can tell from this thread a lot of people think I’m being ridiculous so I’m going to delete it !

OP posts:
ItsSnowJokes · 25/02/2021 22:46

@Wondermule

Slippery slope to what? Coronation Street? Deal or No Deal?

I think your demands are wayyy too precious given your mother in law is doing you a favour twice a week.

🤣🤣🤣🤣
4amWitchingHour · 25/02/2021 22:47

Ugh, I'd hate this OP at 11 months old. My son is 6 months old, and is not screen free - he sees me and his Dad using our phones and has sometimes been on our laps while watching some tv, but I absolutely would not sit him in front of cartoons at 11 months old.

However... it is only 40mins a week. Consider whether it's worth the battle in your individual case. In your shoes I would definitely ask my MIL or mum to get rid of the cartoons, but that's specific to our relationship, only you know if you can do that in your case.

GinWithLime · 25/02/2021 22:47

My 1 year old and I FaceTime my mum every night after dinner. I think your baby will be just fine.

user1471604848 · 25/02/2021 22:47

I'd be annoyed too, OP, since they went against your wishes. Babies don't need to watch TV.

I've one-year old twins, and aim to limit screens as much as possible till they're two, as per recommended guidelines. I never turn on the TV for them. The only screen-time they have is about 15 mins of "Super Simple Songs" on YouTube twice a week, while I have a shower. (I do shower every day! :))
When I want to get something done, I give them a favorite toy/book which I know absorbs them.

partyatthepalace · 25/02/2021 22:48

I understand it’s not ideally want you want - but she is not your paid Nanny. It’s not unreasonable for her to put him in front of a few cartoons while she gets on with whatever.

If you want the childcare this is not the hill to die on

Mrsdoubtfireswig · 25/02/2021 22:48

Seriously though - I think a bit pfb, and you’ve not really got a leg to stand on if they’re giving you free childcare.

At that age we watched in the night garden and mr tumble and telly tubbies and baby club but if I recall he didn’t really ‘watch’ intently as such, just half looked at it / around at everything else

BalancedIndividual · 25/02/2021 22:49

Bigger fish to fry imo

LittleOverwhelmed · 25/02/2021 22:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

9toenails · 25/02/2021 22:52

I am a grandparent who does regular childcare. If either of the parents of my grandchildren were to ask me to not allow screens (or anything else), I would feel it really wrong of me to ignore that request.

OK, talk to them if you like to try to get them to change the rule. Discussion, always good; and you have useful advice to impart for sure. But parents have the right to make rules for their children that other carers of these children have to follow. That was true when I was a parent and equally true of my children and their partners.

It is known as parental responsibility .