AIBU Mother in Law gave baby phone

[Rooandrose]

Hey everyone,
Background - Our 11 month old baby visits my mother and father in law at their house twice a week so that my husband and I can have time off from childcare to work.
since he’s been born I’ve told all the family that a goal of mine is to keep him away from screens for as long as possible, so I never watch YouTube or any apps with him. We use the phone to listen to music on Spotify. But It’s 2021 , and I know he will eventually be using screens, but as he’s still a baby this is a really important for me to maintain this time before he starts to get interested in screens.
I also think it’s a slippery slope once you do introduce phones and tablets, they are designed to get babies hooked.

Today I casually asked how he was doing during his visit to their house and my mother in law replied saying me he was having his lunch and ‘watching his Shows’
I asked what she meant by shows, and she explained he watches a few cartoons. I explained that I was really surprised because we had told them I didn’t want him to watch screens, to which she said it was ‘only 20 mins of cartoons each visit.’
I feel really hurt and actually quite angry about this. I feel as the parents we should be the ones to introduce screens , or at least asked first if we are ok with them showing him screens.
My husband acts like everything is no big deal so has tried to stay out of it, which is also quite annoying.
I know times are different now, it’s the digital age, but I’m trying to keep my son protected from screens for as long as possible.
Also for context - after I asked my mother in law not to use her phone during my wedding .a she FaceTimed her sisters, during mine and my husbands wedding ceremony... so she has been known to ignore requests this before. AIBU ?

I’m with you - mine is almost 2 and doesn’t watch any kind of TV prog. I don’t want her to so she doesn’t. But she is either with me or at nursery so I can ensure it doesn’t happen.

It is harder if you let other people look after them. I see it as you have 2 choices:

1. Take the free childcare & accept they will use screens
2. Alternative childcare

Personally I would do number 2 because if I couldn’t trust them to follow my wishes with screens I couldn’t trust them to follow anything else I wanted.

The 20 min screen time wouldn't bother me.
Going against my wishes would.
Your child- your rules.I'd make this very clear before she starts over-stepping and making other decisions that aren't hers to make.
Giving-in to their demands to get rid of the nanny on their say-so was a mistake.
They now think they can call the shots.

I completely understand. I used to say u would limit screen time but I do use TV shows to keep him still while I do the housework.
But I fully understand. Just because you're getting free childcare doesn't mean they can go against what you've asked, I mean they offered right?
See im vegan and rasing my child that way and I remember my SIL saying well when he comes to our house he'll get 'proper' food. I told her if thats the case he won't be coming over. So yeah, I see your concern. You raise your children how you see fit and if they can't respect that then a nanny sounds like a good choice!

Regarding them helping us twice a week, they told us they don’t like our nanny and asked us to get rid of her so they could take him twice a week.

What nonsense. You had a nanny & they asked you to fire her? So they could mind your baby instead?

Riiigght.

YABU. He's 11 months old. 20 mins won't matter & at that age they won't sit & watch a screen even if you wanted them to.

OP you are free to be hurt but really if you are not there 24/7 (and you don't need to be) then let those who care for your DC do it to the best of their ability.

All DC now are surrounded by IT from a very early age and you can't shield them from it

TV, iPhones and the like seem to be the new "sweets n treats" to hang anyone who looks after your kids by

@shhsecretsquirrel

PFB syndrome - the second baby will come out iPhone in hand

This sort of comment is really rude imo. The whole Mumsnet "PFB" snide. It's bitchy and unsupportive of another woman and mum.

The OP had a specific rule about her own child. Just the same as if she had religious beliefs and associated dietary requirements she wished her child to follow, for example. It may not be MIL's style but it's not her place to usurp things and just do as she pleases.

Way too precious over 20 minutes of cartoons imo

Plus it's very convenient you let your MIL tell you what to do (ie sacking the Nanny) when it saves you money.

I wouldn’t be happy either but at the end of the day your dumping your child off two days a week for a break. If your not happy with there use of screens then stop dropping your DC off. Quite simple

I think you're being a bit over the top. I remember my first DS not really watching screens as a small baby but by the time he was 1 CBeebies started to creek in a little bit. In the Night Garden before a story at bedtime, that was a lovely routine. When DS2 and subsequently DS3 came along, it was pretty handy to the odd CBeebies or film to watch. They still played independently and did lots of other things too. It's not all or nothing where screens are involved. Ultimately you have control!

PLEASE don’t compare religion with fucking cartoons for crying out loud - that is madness 😂

Phones weren't designed to hook babies

creep

YANBU OP. Like someone further up said, it doesn't matter what your parenting decision is - if you've made one and asked someone to respect it, they should.
FWIW I completely agree that kids that young shouldn't be in front of screens and have made a similar effort with my DS.

This is clearly your PFB and you will be mortified when you look back on this.

I think you should pay for a nursery to look after your child. You have a lot more control over what happens there. I expect you’ll also be a lot more grateful for free childcare.

Does he watch tv at home?

I missed the nanny part/ so you sacked off your nanny because the outlaws didn’t like her. Perhaps it’s time for you and your DH to remind yourself your adults now and parents and you can make your own choices

@Ostryga

PLEASE don’t compare religion with fucking cartoons for crying out loud - that is madness 😂

Er, I wasn't comparing religion with cartoons? I was comparing everyday examples of a parent's right to raise their child as they choose and to restrict or allow experiences as they see fit as parent.

Sorry OP, you’re getting a lot of stick here for admitting the reason behind you being upset. Stepping away from what it’s actually about - if you had specifically banned something and explained why it was incredibly important to you, they ARE being unreasonable not to let you know they’re going against your explicit wishes. It doesn’t matter what I think about YOUR parenting decisions, you have a right to raise YOUR child how you see fit.

Blah blah free childcare. Sounds like OP had a perfectly good solution and they asked her to break it. To then also not agree with her parenting to the point of going against her, no, just no. I’d be really pissed off and hurt.

Having said the above, I do need to add that it’s not the actual crime is obviously not the end of the world. But yes, I quite agree. Your kid, your rules. I’d arrange for different childcare to be honest. These kinds of people don’t change.

😂😂😂😂

But it's not a visit.......it's free childcare. They're doing you a massive favour. And if Grandma wants to let him watch TV for 20 minutes whilst she no doubt takes a breather from looking after your child and concentrate on making lunch. Then so be it.

Grandparents need a break. Op, you need to chill.

OP my DS is same age as your DC and we don't usually let him watch screens either. The one exception is F1 because we are big fans and he loves watching the cars go round I did try to let him watch a Christmas film but he just wasn't interested. However, as much as he watches absolutely no cartoons or anything like that, if grandparents were babysitting for free I wouldn't be upset if they let him (unless it wasn't age appropriate). I feel strongly re screens but I agree with PPs to pick your battles.

Get a Nanny again. If you want to dictate what happens with your child during childcare then you have to pay for that childcare.

Your choice of Nanny is not up to your in laws. Is there a back story as to why you let them convince you to get rid of your Nanny?

We all worry about screens when they're older but 20 minutes a day wouldn't phase me at all, they are doing you a favour and maybe needed a break?? Christ I know I use YouTube (7m old DS) when I need a break! And I have a 16 year old with a healthy attitude towards screen time and would rather be out in the fresh air, I did the same with him when he was a baby.

20 mins a day is not going to get your baby hooked on screens.

Stop bring so critical and ungrateful.