Refusing home learning = school welfare

[Myworldyourworld]

My son is coming up 14 all through lock down he has refused to do any home learning. I contacted the school and told them it was hard for him to follow the time table. As I have a child with special needs who does not sleep well. So it means we sometimes sleep later in the mornings. They said it could be more flexible as long as its done. Son still did not do it.

They did say its possible he could go into school under being vulnerable due to his sibling having special needs and it being difficult... but nothing became of this.

My son was also questioned how it would be better for him and he said if he had all his work on paper.. so they did that for him still nothing from him.

I contacted the school on a few occasions for help. As I did not know what to do. They have tried to support. But I guess there's only so much they can do.

He also got emails from the school. Some were positive encouragement. Others were more firm and spoke about how let down they felt and how hard they have tried. He also had a phone call from head of year.

Head of year called Me several days back and told me school welfare are going to pay us a visit. She said it was not a reflection on me. But to try and push my son into doing something. I told him what was happening and he still did nothing.

So tonight welfare officer knocks on the door. They have said I could get fined because hes not been doing work. And have given him till Friday to get a decent amount of work done. They are coming back on Friday. If there's no improvement they may refere to social services.

He is excellent in school his attendance is good. He's top set for everything.

At the moment he's not allowed his playstation. I can't turn of Internet as his older brother is doing A levels so he needs it.

Just to add OP, rest assured your son is not on his own. Whilst plenty of students have engaged fully with online learning many have not.
We have students who have been given school laptops, had household wifi packages paid for by the school, had visits from the pastoral team and regular contact with tutors and have still not done a scrap of work.

”Well he would be at school if the teachers did their job properly”
The teachers are providing work, both digitally and on paper. The op has said the school has tried numerous times to engage him with phone calls and emails and he still refuses.
What more do you want them to do?

Children are classed as vulnerable if they are at risk of harm or if they have no way of working at home - no quiet space or laptop or support at home. The op’s son does not fall under any if these categories.
It’s a pandemic - the idea is to keep the numbers of children physically at school as low as possible. He should not be offered a place just on the basis he is ‘refusing’ to engage. He is 14 ffs.

He sounds depressed and in need of some serious mental health support. This is not a job for the school - teachers are not qualified mental health practitioners. He needs professional help from a trained councillor.

Does your son actually care about his work or is he apathetic? Is it causing him stress not having done any work or could he not care less?

Yes fairly obvious the smug on here don’t have the first clue about parenting a teenager. My son is also 14 and extremely clever and he’s not doing nothing, but he’s struggling with motivation, missing his friends, his grandparents, his old life and the freedom he used to have. They’re still children ffs. Online education is poor and not an acceptable substitute for school. My son waits 3 days sometimes for replies from teachers. It’s hard to feel motivated in those kind of circumstances and I can’t help him as it’s subjects I’ve never done.

OP honestly for the sake of a week I really wouldn’t sweat it much more. I’m sure social services have got more to do dealing with arsehole parents than the family of a teen struggling with school work.

Children are classed as vulnerable if they are at risk of harm or if they have no way of working at home - no quiet space or laptop or support at home. The op’s son does not fall under any if these categories.

This. If the OP drops him off at school he would be sent home.

You can't just send him to school because they will refuse to accept him, but I would call the school back and ask what has happened to the offer of a school place?

Hopefully they can offer him a place or a few days in school next week, which may help?

Will he be going back to school in two weeks?

If all of his work is on paper does he need the internet? It sounds like he's messing about on there. I agree I would put parent controls on all fun sites such as you tube, tick tock etc if you feel you must give him internet access.

Not having a go at the OP here - I'm sure you are your wits end.

But to the vocal few on MN who think that teachers are lazy and the job is so very easy, please read this thread. This is a parent who cannot get her one teenager to do his school work. Her own child. With numerous sanctions available for her to use.

Now think about how challenging it is to get 30 plus teenagers, all in a room together where they have the potential support of their peers if they choose, to do their work.

Think teaching is an easy life? Try it!

Maybe not @BettysButtons but parents have got more to worry about than kids not engaging with woefully inadequate online learning that is a pale substitute for school. As usual the engaged and caring parents are easy targets. I bet the arsehole families haven’t had all this crap to deal with.

I agree teaching isn't easy, I left after my NQT year, but it is different 'teaching' your own at home, during a pandemic, with other stuff to balance still. Let's not turn it into a competition or commentary.

@Cloudbeeb no intention of turning it into a competition - and I'm not having a go at the OP. But just read back through comments on this post and others about teachers. It seems that the view of a very vocal few MNetters is that teachers are lazy, overpaid, and that it is a job anyone could do. Posters on this thread telling the OP just to send her son into school on Monday (where there will be no place for him) because of all of the lazy teachers who are sat at home doing nothing.

Again, if teaching is such a cushy life my advice is - try it.

As usual the engaged and caring parents are easy targets. I bet the arsehole families haven’t had all this crap to deal with.

Genuinely don’t know what this means.

I agree that on-line learning is absolutely no substitute for school though.

@14down

Step up and parent him. It's not difficult..

Wanker of the week!

I can't believe some of the lacking in empathy dickheads on here who are having a go and think that taking away a few privileges and a virtual kick up the arse are some sort of magic bullet for every child. The OP has said he does well and is in the top set when he's at school, so there is clearly something more going on here - perhaps depression or anxiety or stress, or all three. We are all individuals and react differently to situations.

Also, let’s remember that it is not the teachers fault children are not at school!!

In every profession you will get a few who do the bare minimum and I don’t doubt that some schools have not provided adequate online learning or support. These schools should be reported to Ofsted via the formal complaints process.

But I believe the majority of schools and teachers are trying their best and truly care about the children.

This is an eye opener I’m sure for some parents, who are getting just a glimpse of what teachers have to cope with at school. They get a number of children who refuse to work in class, in a class of 30. I appreciate you say he works at school, but that’s probably credit to the teachers, who it sounds might not get the support from you so manage to get him to do the work needed. There are some really good suggestions on here about how this can be managed by you with making sure he has nothing to do apart from logging on to work. But predictably, there’s an excuse for you not doing so. There are things you can do, but they require a lot of effort from you, and it sounds like it’s not something you want to do.

It sounds like they backtracked on the school offer. I think it is unfair to expect a child to know what is best for them in this situation.

Companies that offer home working contracts have their employees fill in structured risk assessment forms FFS. Penalising you or the child is ridiculous.

A child cannot be expected to put their hand up and say I need to go in, when they know that its not because their parent is a key worker and its because they are in the vulnerable group which puts them at risk of being stigmatised and bullied.

If you ask the school to let him go back ASAP, make sure you confirm it in writing. Then if the welfare officer comes back, you can show her that you've taken reasonable steps to remedy the situation and, if they won't allow it, it's not your fault.

If he is in top set and normally academic/hard working I would assume he has struggled with the lockdown and not try to punish him too harshly.

I would instead discuss the future with him in a positive way, back to school on March the 8th - suggest to him that he does not want to put down in sets and to focus on some revision/completing work before going back to get on with his GCSEs. I think you need to make him see the end is near (of the pandemic ha ha) and to try and make him a bit more optimistic.

@SakuraEdenSwan1

Well he would be at school if the teachers did their job properly. Tell them you are sending him back to school and they can do the job they get paid for, and as for the education officer tell them to get every kid back at the same time. I have lost any respect I have for teachers, my sons school have done no marking or online lessons in a year.

Do you mean that he should be able to go in ? At my school we started out with having keyworkers' children and Vulnerable children in, then opened up to other SEN children and now non- engaged children

I really feel for you. My friend had a "refuser" who never did any schoolwork. He failed all his GCSEs, so could not continue school for A levels, and ended up sitting around at home being useless and blaming the whole world for his lot.

Years later he realised he'd been a complete twat and said it was the biggest regret of his life.

The tiredness thing doesn’t ring true as how is that different to normal school times? Presumably he has to get up, go to school and work after a broken night of sleep and you say his school attendance is fine? If anything he should be less tired without a commute and any additional activities.

He’s still young enough that you can take control of this.

His school will also be offering a programme of live lessons. He doesn’t need paper copies or to trawl through set tasks to attend these. He literally has to log in at a given time and watch.
It sounds like he has decided he is not working from home.
I could sit here and speculate as others have done and give excuses ranging from depression/anxiety on one hand to laziness/stubbornness on the other but none of us know this child.
The OP herself said he has no excuse for not doing the work so even his mother doesn’t know.

OP unfortunately some 14 year olds (and older) are lazy and immature. Unfortunately it takes sitting with him while he does it and for him to show you he is actually producing the work. I know this is time consuming, and it may not be practical given your workload with other parts of life, but it is the only way he will do it.

Pick 2 subjects and make him do it in front of you and show you the answers he is giving and explain. Then say he has 1hr internet time, then remove the device from him. I wish you all the best. It sounds v stressful.

You're not alone.I'm having so many problems with my 13yr old ds and it doesn't help things that he was put into bottom set for maths last term. He has been so put off maths now that he refuses to do his heggarty maths at all. I'm trying to go through BBC bitesize with him which is causing arguments.
I'm relieved at the end of the day if he has completed one or two other lessons set. If your son can do the quizzes set,they are short and quick. I think the thought of getting motivated to do essays when they feel so far behind makes them think what is the point.
Taking games consoles away are not the way and would just make him feel more wretched and angry.
One more week at home and then things should get back to some kind of normality for them.