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Original poster

Refusing home learning = school welfare

317 replies

Myworldyourworld · 25/02/2021 00:09

My son is coming up 14 all through lock down he has refused to do any home learning. I contacted the school and told them it was hard for him to follow the time table. As I have a child with special needs who does not sleep well. So it means we sometimes sleep later in the mornings. They said it could be more flexible as long as its done. Son still did not do it.

They did say its possible he could go into school under being vulnerable due to his sibling having special needs and it being difficult... but nothing became of this.

My son was also questioned how it would be better for him and he said if he had all his work on paper.. so they did that for him still nothing from him.

I contacted the school on a few occasions for help. As I did not know what to do. They have tried to support. But I guess there's only so much they can do.

He also got emails from the school. Some were positive encouragement. Others were more firm and spoke about how let down they felt and how hard they have tried. He also had a phone call from head of year.

Head of year called Me several days back and told me school welfare are going to pay us a visit. She said it was not a reflection on me. But to try and push my son into doing something. I told him what was happening and he still did nothing.

So tonight welfare officer knocks on the door. They have said I could get fined because hes not been doing work. And have given him till Friday to get a decent amount of work done. They are coming back on Friday. If there's no improvement they may refere to social services.

He is excellent in school his attendance is good. He's top set for everything.

At the moment he's not allowed his playstation. I can't turn of Internet as his older brother is doing A levels so he needs it.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 25/02/2021 16:51

Op I am also motoring on very little sleep. Brew
Will keep my fingers crossed that March brings better things for all of us.

BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 17:41

Lifeturn
If i had a pound for every time I heard that routines and common sense would work for my child who was school refusing from so called professionals, I'd be a very rich woman.

We all speak from experience.
Yes, I am a teacher but I am also a mother and you do not know me , my family or my DC’s situation as I do not know yours.
This thread isn’t about my family or children but In MY experience routine is what has saved us.
Don’t assume that people who hold a different opinion to you have no personal experience.

lifeturnsonadime · 25/02/2021 17:44

Bettys it is you and Red who are assuming that the OPs problems are down to the lack of a routine and common sense, that is what you said.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Home educating
RampantIvy · 25/02/2021 18:41

How do you make a child with special needs go to sleep sleep or stay asleep without giving them drugs @RedToothBrush and @BettysButtons? You both seem to have all the answers so please do share them.

FredaFlintstone · 25/02/2021 18:54

Yes some kids are really struggling. There's also some kids and their parents who really are on a massive piss take and have a bad attitude. And its being led / enabled by the parents.We need to acknowledge BOTH exist in order to deal with the issues this situation throws up

Yes, this plus all of @RedToothBrush 's other posts. Total common sense. Clearly not enough 'hun' s used to be popular though.

RampantIvy · 25/02/2021 19:01

This is supposed to be a supportive website. Telling the OP that she is lacking as a parent is not very nice @FredaFlintstone Hmm

FredaFlintstone · 25/02/2021 19:12

Sometimes the best support you can receive is a bit of honesty.

There are plenty of practical approaches for what appears to be nothing more than poor behaviour from her teen that have been mentioned - actual consequences for him, routine, pursuing school for a place etc.

Should these things not be mentioned because they're not in the form of unconditional cheerleading?

BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 19:58

@lifeturnsonadime

Bettys it is you and Red who are assuming that the OPs problems are down to the lack of a routine and common sense, that is what you said.
Assuming that lack of routine is the cause of all her problems or suggesting that routine is a really good thing? I am so sick of people jumping in for an argument. I care as much for your opinion as you do for mine.
BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 20:23

RampantIvy

You don’t make anyone do anything.

Routine reduces anxiety, stress and confusion. In my experience it creates a sense of order, structure and predictability. It is just as important at home as it is in school. Without it, life would be hell here. The world is too confusing & frightening.

When the structure and order of say school is taken away it is really hard to establish a new routine (minus school) but it can be done. That’s why the start of long holidays can be a real challenge.

The ‘routine’ will be changed again on 8 March and so the cycle begins again.
It is exhausting.

Theunamedcat · 25/02/2021 21:03

@RampantIvy

How do you make a child with special needs go to sleep sleep or stay asleep without giving them drugs *@RedToothBrush and @BettysButtons*? You both seem to have all the answers so please do share them.
Even when my son goes to sleep he sleep walks looking for me he literally sleeps in my bed with me but gets up several times a night to find me im exhausted
PumpkinPie2 · 25/02/2021 21:49

My 12 and 9 year old found it difficult last time. That's because me and my husband caught Covid last March and weren't capable of ensuring that they were sticking to the work. Our only laptop bust and we had to get it rebuilt as we couldn't buy another one anywhere for love nor money. Then the printer bust. Then my 12 yr old had frequent meltdowns because the work just kept piling and piling and piling in. It was awful. This time, I've managed to borrow a couple of reliable computers and my kids have been working hard. My 12 yr old's school have also changed the way they deliver work to kids, so it's more manageable. Would your son be willing to go into school to work? Can't the school insist on him going in? Working at home is not the same as working at school, despite what anyone says.

Cheeeeislifenow · 25/02/2021 21:53

Cannot believe bthe comments on this thread. I have an almost 16 year old with asd and pda (pathological demand avoidance). Lol at the thought of just telling him to sit and do his work. Some seriously smug shits on here tonight.

BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 21:56

@Cheeeeislifenow

Cannot believe bthe comments on this thread. I have an almost 16 year old with asd and pda (pathological demand avoidance). Lol at the thought of just telling him to sit and do his work. Some seriously smug shits on here tonight.
The OP’s DS (the one refusing to work) does not have any SEN. He works at school and is in top sets she says. She has another child who has SEN which is why she is so exhausted.
Original poster
Myworldyourworld · 25/02/2021 22:01

And you don't think having a SN child has an effect on the whole family.

OP posts:
chocoholic2021 · 25/02/2021 22:06

@AmberItsACertainty

Can you tell him you'd have to sell the PlayStation to pay the fine if he doesn't do his work?
Remove the play station now and let him know he can “earn” it back. Tell him If you get fined, you are selling it to cover costs.
BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 22:17

@Myworldyourworld

And you don't think having a SN child has an effect on the whole family.
I know from experience it does.
magicfarawayme · 25/02/2021 22:18

Hi OP. I am an education welfare officer and have been dealing with this stuff throughout the lockdown. Your situation sounds tough and I am sorry you felt bullied by the welfare officer (was that school staff or local authority ewo?) but as a service we should be aiming to support where possible. Having said that it does just seem an impossible situation all round. If I can answer any questions, please feel free - however please don't jump on me because you had a bad experience with the other welfare officer!

BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 22:18

Cheese was talking about her child with SEN not doing work.
Cannot believe bthe comments on this thread. I have an almost 16 year old with asd and pda (pathological demand avoidance). Lol at the thought of just telling him to sit and do his work. Some seriously smug shits on here tonight.

Notonthestairs · 25/02/2021 22:23

Betty the Op has been described as a soft, dimissive, can't be arsed, lazy enabler.

Posts that make no mention of a) the impact of having a SN sibling - it is documented b) impact of living with a SN sibling/child in lockdown, c) doing it in Lockdown 3 d) Op seemingly not having any support from a partner e) the Op staying up most of the night placating SN child f) potentially the sleep deprivation the Op and all her children are coping with and g) the cummulative effect of all of the above on the family.

We also have the fabulous quote that "some kids are really struggling" but! "some kids and their parents are on a massive pisstake" - the inference being that the Op and her middle child being the latter.

The Op's son has done well at school previously. This is obviously not his first lockdown. Something has been different for him this time. I hope he has turned a corner.

But what I really hope that an exhausted parent juggling a multitude of needs has managed to find something more useful on this thread than being dismissed and derided by some who I suspect are posting from a far easier parenting position.

chaosrabbitland · 25/02/2021 22:33

um so sorry you are under this stress op and i know its bloody easier than done to actually try to force a child to do home learning , im fortunate enough to be a key worker so my 12 yr old is in which is just as well or id be in the same boat as you , when pandemic first started she was off isolating for 6 wls with me and she did fuck all in that time even tho she had the work on paper , and yes its just endless crap excuse after another , i was so glad to get her back in . honestly i dont know what you can do if they refuse , its not like we can put pens in their hands and force them to write .. some children apply themselves in school because they are there and they know thats what they are there to do .. but when they are home its just a switch off to it and they just dont wanna know anything to do with school .... i think its not long now till they all go back anyway , but before then the school should i think make an effort to get him back in if they are that concerned .

bluedillydillys · 25/02/2021 22:43

Change the WiFi password and only give it to your child doing A levels.

I would insist he goes back to school, does his mental health seem ok?

Original poster
Myworldyourworld · 25/02/2021 22:46

@magicfarawayme

Hi OP. I am an education welfare officer and have been dealing with this stuff throughout the lockdown. Your situation sounds tough and I am sorry you felt bullied by the welfare officer (was that school staff or local authority ewo?) but as a service we should be aiming to support where possible. Having said that it does just seem an impossible situation all round. If I can answer any questions, please feel free - however please don't jump on me because you had a bad experience with the other welfare officer!
Hi. I have not said I felt bullied by welfare officer. That's just what's been said in the thread. They were not rude or horrible. It's just the situation it worrying and stressful. I don't really have any questions. They said ds has to try and proove himself by Friday. He's done quite a bit of work. Think I just have take it as it comes really.
OP posts:
magicfarawayme · 25/02/2021 22:49

Well that's good. If it helps, they can't fine you- the law has been suspended. And it wouldn't be very helpful anyway. But you can't be fined.

OhWhyNot · 25/02/2021 22:50

I’m having similar problem op I can’t wait for the 8th

And ds goes into school a few days a week (not that it makes any difference he just listens to the class but doesn’t do any of the work)

I’m working full time and have absolutely no support. They school have been very good but we just getting nowhere. He has mild learning difficulties but he just isn’t applying himself

It’s so frustrating and so much is expected from parents. I need a break too so have a very stressful job that I can’t do at home but this weekend again will be sitting there for hours trying to get the work done and that will be after a screaming match and tears form us both

And yes I do limit screen time but I to take it away completely is taking away his social life completely and now isn’t the time to do that

Original poster
Myworldyourworld · 25/02/2021 22:54

@magicfarawayme

Well that's good. If it helps, they can't fine you- the law has been suspended. And it wouldn't be very helpful anyway. But you can't be fined.
So why have they told me that? (I know you can't answer) it's just a bit sneaky it was actually me who messaged the school as I was worried about his education. Half wish I had not now. Anyway hopefully now that ds has done some work it might be ok. Just have to see.
OP posts: