Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Refusing home learning = school welfare

317 replies

Myworldyourworld · 25/02/2021 00:09

My son is coming up 14 all through lock down he has refused to do any home learning. I contacted the school and told them it was hard for him to follow the time table. As I have a child with special needs who does not sleep well. So it means we sometimes sleep later in the mornings. They said it could be more flexible as long as its done. Son still did not do it.

They did say its possible he could go into school under being vulnerable due to his sibling having special needs and it being difficult... but nothing became of this.

My son was also questioned how it would be better for him and he said if he had all his work on paper.. so they did that for him still nothing from him.

I contacted the school on a few occasions for help. As I did not know what to do. They have tried to support. But I guess there's only so much they can do.

He also got emails from the school. Some were positive encouragement. Others were more firm and spoke about how let down they felt and how hard they have tried. He also had a phone call from head of year.

Head of year called Me several days back and told me school welfare are going to pay us a visit. She said it was not a reflection on me. But to try and push my son into doing something. I told him what was happening and he still did nothing.

So tonight welfare officer knocks on the door. They have said I could get fined because hes not been doing work. And have given him till Friday to get a decent amount of work done. They are coming back on Friday. If there's no improvement they may refere to social services.

He is excellent in school his attendance is good. He's top set for everything.

At the moment he's not allowed his playstation. I can't turn of Internet as his older brother is doing A levels so he needs it.

OP posts:
Crazydoglady1980 · 25/02/2021 07:44

Contact the school and tell them you want a vulnerable child place, that home learning is not working and do not agree to anything else. If SS get involved that is all they will do as once he is back in school, the issue will be resolved. That’s if they pick the case up at all.
I would suggest removing devices for the time during the school day. There maybe lessons that he needs the internet for but there will be others that he doesn’t, such as maths. As he has his work in paper form he can complete this and then you can discuss internet access for other subjects.

Annebronte · 25/02/2021 07:47

This sounds very difficult and the school should be doing more. They should allow him to attend as a vulnerable child; he’d be much more likely to engage at school. This is what’s happening in both my school and my children’s school.

CherryRoulade · 25/02/2021 07:56

You can have some lunch and your PlayStation for an hour after you’ve finished x and y and shown me.
Let’s go through that Maths paper together.
Well done, that’s a beautiful piece of writing.
I know you think it isn’t important, but it is. Today this is your timetable. I’ll check in hourly.
Which do you want to do first Geography or Art?

Calling the school isn’t taking action, it’s assuming someone else is responsible.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Home educating
SpiderinaWingMirror · 25/02/2021 07:56

In your shoes there are several things.
Firstly I would question this whole fine /ss threat. What is the legal basis for that? My understanding is that it's your duty to get him to school. He has refused to work. You are right, you cannot physically make him do the work.
I would count down the days til he goes back and put it all behind you.
I would however contact the school and let them know that being threatened a handful of days before school returns has not helped your mental health at all.

picknmix1984 · 25/02/2021 07:58

The comments on here are shitty. I feel for you op. I think he will be back at school and then you can stop being the school replacement and the onus will be on them. Maybe the work needs to be more inspiring and interesting!

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/02/2021 08:02

Maybe the work needs to be more inspiring and interesting!

Seriously!!!

Lockdownbear · 25/02/2021 08:05

Which do you want to do first Geography or Art?

Are you having a laugh?
I fight daily with my 10 year old to get the maths and English done, I call success then they are done.
The fight starts at 9.00 ends when it ends usually between 3 & 4 its brutal. No good for me or him. Btw there's no screen time during that period either. We start calm, then have a strop, then a fight, and argument and try again. And repeat.
Not everyone has children who'll happily sit and work.

3rdNamechange · 25/02/2021 08:08

@CherryRoulade

You can have some lunch and your PlayStation for an hour after you’ve finished x and y and shown me. Let’s go through that Maths paper together. Well done, that’s a beautiful piece of writing. I know you think it isn’t important, but it is. Today this is your timetable. I’ll check in hourly. Which do you want to do first Geography or Art?

Calling the school isn’t taking action, it’s assuming someone else is responsible.

Maybe she was trying to get some help from professionals who know how to educate and engage students. Not everyone is a born teacher and teenagers can be very difficult.
Dancingwithdreams · 25/02/2021 08:11

Sounds like your son’s mental health is being effected. I don’t think school welfare is a helpful route for him. Can you take him to the GP.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/02/2021 08:12

@CherryRoulade

You can have some lunch and your PlayStation for an hour after you’ve finished x and y and shown me. Let’s go through that Maths paper together. Well done, that’s a beautiful piece of writing. I know you think it isn’t important, but it is. Today this is your timetable. I’ll check in hourly. Which do you want to do first Geography or Art?

Calling the school isn’t taking action, it’s assuming someone else is responsible.

These are the negotiating tactics with a 5yr old not a teenager in 2021 in a pandemic sorry
Toocold · 25/02/2021 08:12

Op, I really feel for you and some of these comments are ridiculous, unless you have the exact same circumstances as the Op I don’t think you have any idea of what she is going through. Have you spoken to the pastoral team Op? I’m wondering if they can help. Hang on in there, they are nearly back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2021 08:13

@Porridgeoat

Tell the welfare officer you are sending him into school Monday.

The school should have offered him a place due to disengagement and SN sibling.

Exactly. The suggestion to give your ds his work on paper has failed. You’re being bullied as someone else said.
Xerochrysum · 25/02/2021 08:19

I am so sorry this is happening. It must be so hard for you, and your dcs. The child who were happily doing work and getting good grades at school and now not even trying to do any work, there must be some reason behind it. He may not be able to articulate the reason well, but must be suffering something inside. It's heart breaking.
I think you are a great mum who is trying her best.
At least school will open soon, hope it gets better for him.

AlwaysLatte · 25/02/2021 08:20

At the moment he's not allowed his playstation

Sell it...

I don't agree with that, as it's probably his only way of engaging with friends and if his lack of enthusiasm for school is anxiety based then it may make things worse. But I would use it as a carrot rather than a stick, so rather than taking it away for not doing the work, give it to him for doing the work. My two know they can have their free time and screens once they've finished their set work each day. The 13 year old gets on with it so he can have his Xbox but the 10 year does it only with multiple tears, strikes etc etc (but he does get it done eventually!)

Also does he have one to one time with you? If not are you able to build some of that into each day where your focus is solely on him? Hopefully it will be easier in a week or so when they're back at school.

RedcurrantPuff · 25/02/2021 08:22

Tell the school to go fuck themselves. I’m pretty sure they can’t fine you because he isn’t doing work.

BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 08:25

I’m struggling to understand how such an exemplary student in school has done absolutely nothing during lockdown despite being provided with the work and resources on-line and on paper. It sounds like the school has done everything they can.
If he was eligible for a place in school he would have been invited in.
What is he doing with his time? How is he spending his day?
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink and all that.

BettysButtons · 25/02/2021 08:25

@RedcurrantPuff

Tell the school to go fuck themselves. I’m pretty sure they can’t fine you because he isn’t doing work.
That’s helpful.
RedcurrantPuff · 25/02/2021 08:26

Others were more firm and spoke about how let down they felt and how hard they have tried

That is bollocks. How dare they project onto a child like that?

Lots of children are finding this tough. I know hard many adults have found wfh and to expect children just to suck it up as if nothing has changed when their lives have been thrown into turmoil is so beyond reasonable. How on earth do you get the best out of an overwhelmed struggling child with that approach?

averythinline · 25/02/2021 08:28

Why did you leave him with devices?...and fall for the i"ll tell the school you stopped me...he had them on paper and they knew that
Honestly..I think he's taking the piss out of you...and you've let it slide..

When he didn't do them on paper you should have phoned the school and sent him in as vulnerable...
Send him in now....remove all gadgets call the school today and say he'll be in from tomorrow..

Hopefully he won't be too far behind his peers...and is yr10 so another year for gcse

Bedforme · 25/02/2021 08:28

OP - the school and welfare officer have to look at every vulnerable child. Currently your son. Sometimes children knuckle down when they know there could be financial consequences for parents if they do not engage. For the parents that actually are neglecting their children they have to be warned about consequences and given a chance to change things.

It feels like your son knows the problem even if he can’t fix it himself. He knows that he wastes time online so asked for it on paper. He knows poor sleep is a problem so wanted to start later.

It sounds like the vulnerable place might be best. I would continue with the push even when schools go back in case there are further lockdowns for example next winter.
Good luck Flowers

ineedaholidaynow · 25/02/2021 08:29

I’m surprised the welfare officer mentioned fines, I thought they had been suspended for the duration of lockdown. Coming back in force from the 8th.

Tickledtrout · 25/02/2021 08:29

Tell the welfare officer that you want to take up the offer of a place in school as a vulnerable learner. It's a bit late now but if schools close again, maybe next winter, it will be useful.
Do school have ELSAs or other programmes to support pupils who are struggling and self sabotaging? He needs a mentor the help him.
Is he happy at the prospect of a return to school soon? ( Depending on where you are in UK)

Couchbettato · 25/02/2021 08:29

OP depression doesn't always present itself as low mood as most people are good at covering it up with humour, but depression can lead to a paralysing lack of motivation, where you get sucked into the same routines that give you those little dopamine kicks (like video games).

Don't take his playstation away. But do talk to his doctor.

He might also have some level of anxiety, which accumulates as the work load in front of him gets harder which leads to avoidance tactics.

If he's missed a full year of work, I can imagine that looks like a task that's too big to start to a young person.

What might have started out as laziness and defiance can easily lead to mental health problems.

Lack of good quality sleep can and will exacerbate this.

Theunamedcat · 25/02/2021 08:30

They can't fine you for him not trying let them get social services involved lay it out for them they offered you a place at school and effectively withdrew it knowing he wasn't engaging at home

Nith · 25/02/2021 08:30

If I do that he then says well how can I do my work with no Internet. If he says to the school I tried to do some work but mum turned the Internet off

What reason does he give for not being able to do it on paper?

I think your best bet is to contact the school today to get them to allow him to go in. It's only a matter of him going back a week before he has to anyway.