Refusing home learning = school welfare

[Myworldyourworld]

My son is coming up 14 all through lock down he has refused to do any home learning. I contacted the school and told them it was hard for him to follow the time table. As I have a child with special needs who does not sleep well. So it means we sometimes sleep later in the mornings. They said it could be more flexible as long as its done. Son still did not do it.

They did say its possible he could go into school under being vulnerable due to his sibling having special needs and it being difficult... but nothing became of this.

My son was also questioned how it would be better for him and he said if he had all his work on paper.. so they did that for him still nothing from him.

I contacted the school on a few occasions for help. As I did not know what to do. They have tried to support. But I guess there's only so much they can do.

He also got emails from the school. Some were positive encouragement. Others were more firm and spoke about how let down they felt and how hard they have tried. He also had a phone call from head of year.

Head of year called Me several days back and told me school welfare are going to pay us a visit. She said it was not a reflection on me. But to try and push my son into doing something. I told him what was happening and he still did nothing.

So tonight welfare officer knocks on the door. They have said I could get fined because hes not been doing work. And have given him till Friday to get a decent amount of work done. They are coming back on Friday. If there's no improvement they may refere to social services.

He is excellent in school his attendance is good. He's top set for everything.

At the moment he's not allowed his playstation. I can't turn of Internet as his older brother is doing A levels so he needs it.

So we've established that routine is important. I don't think many would argue with that.

You put child to bed at designated time. How do you make them sleep?

You wake them at designated time.
How do you make them get up?

You put child to bed at designated time. How do you make them sleep?

Supernanny has yet to answer that question!

@SakuraEdenSwan1

Well he would be at school if the teachers did their job properly. Tell them you are sending him back to school and they can do the job they get paid for, and as for the education officer tell them to get every kid back at the same time. I have lost any respect I have for teachers, my sons school have done no marking or online lessons in a year.

Fu*k Off!

From a teacher who’s sick of hearing moaning parents like yourself who think teachers don't give a damn about what’s happened in schools. Believe you me, we’re all frustrated at this whole mess.

OP, dont get too anxious - he’ll be back in school in a little over a week.

Could you start a bonus system? Something like 20p for each worksheet completed to a reasonable standard and then an extra £1 if he does all the worksheets in the week. 20p fines for minor infractions..you know swearing, playing PS in the day. (Apologies if that is not the sort of money yiu can afford, I know it wouldn’t work for everyone )

[quote Wotsitsarecheesy]@FredaFlintstone your methods sound great if you have a compliant child who will do what he is told, and if your sanctions mean anything to him personally. It's not like that for all of us. As I said in my earlier post, DD will lie in bed all day, in the dark, doing absolutley nothing. No books, no devices. Just nothing. So what can I take away as a 'punishment' for not doing her school work? What can I 'threaten' her with? What 'treats' can I bribe her with when the only things she wants to do are prevented by lockdown? And when she decides to actually do something that isn't 'nothing', like draw a picture, how can I then ask her to stop and do work instead? If I do she will then go back to absolutely nothing. If I ask her to do something like log on for a lesson, she says, 'yes I will' and then ignores. If I ask again, she will get angry that I am harassing her, shouting at me to 'go away' (like she just did, in fact). She is bigger than me, and stronger. She has hit me before. It hurt. She has thrown a knife at me. She has destroyed her room in meltdowns, hammering large objects into the wall (eg a ladder), shattering about 2m squared area of plasterboard. But at the end of the day, she is a child with ASD, depression, anxiety and self esteem that is so low it is 'off the scale'. She has gone through stages of self harming. There is little help. She has been under CAMHS on and off but what they offered didn't help her at all. She is getting support from school, but generally rejects this because she 'doesn't need it'. She is a master at telling the professionals what they want to hear, then leaving the meeting and refusing to comply with any of it. So parents like me come here for advice and support because there is precious little anywhere else that actually works. And we hang around threads like this in the hope that some other parent whose DC have similar difficulties can suggest something that works for them, and which I can then try myself. And we try not to get too upset by all the comments from those who simply don't understand what it's like trying to parent a teenager for who standard parenting techniques simply don't work.

I would particularly love to hear - and this is genuine - how do you 'enforce' a bedtime to try ensure that a child gets enough sleep? After I have gone to bed, I have no idea what my children (all teens), are doing because I am asleep. So if they are shattered next morning, how do I know if they were really trying to sleep, or if they decided to get up again/stay up all night doing something or other? Particularly if they don't leave their rooms.

For me, I am just hanging on till 8 March, hoping I can get her back into school, which she attends about 45% of the time, and where she is impecably behaved. My sympathies to OP and all the other parents who have posted here who are struggling with lockdown education.[/quote]
Wow all my sympathies goes out to you! all you can do is be there I guess, hope it gets better for her when she goes back to school

Re why the told you they would fine you - I don't know, maybe they aren't aware, an element of wanting to strongly encourage you? Not great though, I grant you

If the Education Welfare officer overreached and told you you will be fined when you cannot be then i would put a complaint in about them.

i think sometimes people in these positions quite like the power it gives them over parents, (not everyone of them of course). Either they don't know the position or they have overreached and they have definitely caused you unnecessary stress.

Regarding your SEN child's sleep have you considered asking for a prescription of slow release melatonin, this can be really helpful. Have you applied for DLA for the child as you should be entitled to high rate care if you are tending to the child all through the night. You have my absolute sympathy.

It won't be long now till the kids are back at school. Take some deep breaths. You are not alone in this situation, loads of children are struggling .

Update school welfare just left. Just left they were only here 5 mins. Ds showed the work he's been doing they said well done asked him if he feels better for doing sone. Said to make sure he submits it. And hopefully we won't see them again. Oh and told ds just to keep going as it saves stress etc

@Notonthestairs has summed it up absolutely perfectly. A lot don't seem to understand at all.

@lifeturnsonadime

If the Education Welfare officer overreached and told you you will be fined when you cannot be then i would put a complaint in about them.

i think sometimes people in these positions quite like the power it gives them over parents, (not everyone of them of course). Either they don't know the position or they have overreached and they have definitely caused you unnecessary stress.

Regarding your SEN child's sleep have you considered asking for a prescription of slow release melatonin, this can be really helpful. Have you applied for DLA for the child as you should be entitled to high rate care if you are tending to the child all through the night. You have my absolute sympathy.

It won't be long now till the kids are back at school. Take some deep breaths. You are not alone in this situation, loads of children are struggling .

Hi thank you for your message. I'm hoping we are on the right track with ds now. But I do have a horrible feeling but just have to keep fingers crossed and hope he keeps doing a reasonable amount. Also because of the covid testing they might not actually be in school till the 12.

The sn child is not on meds I don't really want to put him on Any. He's always been unsettled in the night etc but not as bad as recently. So I'm hoping once they are back at school it might resettle him into his normal.

I have had the same battle here with one of mine and I have another child with additional support needs too.

I'm glad that the welfare officer was satisfied. The school have to be seen to be following procedure even though in some cases they can choose to make allowances as long as there is constant communication and they feel comfortable in doing so.

The fact that you have contacted the school many times and your son attending school was suggested they should have gone through with that when the paper work didn't do the trick.

Please don't be hard on yourself

Melatonin doesn't have the same effect as sleeping tablets and is non addictive.

Children with additional support needs, such as autism, don't produce enough of the sleep hormone which is why paediatricians commonly prescribe melatonin for them to take before bedtime.

It can be liquid or capsule form but they prefer capsule due to cost but if there are any eating issues or issues with swallowing you have a case for liquid.

It makes them feel sleepy gently and not away with it in any way.

It is your decision so go with what you feel comfortable with. I went without sleep for so very long with mine I had to as she was surviving on hardly any at all and wouldn't even sleep during the day and I was completely beyond exhausted with the full night needs and her being wide aware and being loud and very disruptive

@DinosaurDigestive

Melatonin doesn't have the same effect as sleeping tablets and is non addictive.

Children with additional support needs, such as autism, don't produce enough of the sleep hormone which is why paediatricians commonly prescribe melatonin for them to take before bedtime.

It can be liquid or capsule form but they prefer capsule due to cost but if there are any eating issues or issues with swallowing you have a case for liquid.

It makes them feel sleepy gently and not away with it in any way.

It is your decision so go with what you feel comfortable with. I went without sleep for so very long with mine I had to as she was surviving on hardly any at all and wouldn't even sleep during the day and I was completely beyond exhausted with the full night needs and her being wide aware and being loud and very disruptive

I was reluctant to use medication too, but as dinosaur says it is a hormone replacement.

It has been life changing for my daughter.

So pleased to read that the meeting with the welfare officer was positive. Well done to your son for picking things back up again.

We are also not back until the 12th but I hope that the idea of being back in a classroom and facing classmates and teachers will motivate.

This third lockdown has been awful all round.

Very interesting about melatonin.

We have also had good results with melatonin.

@Notonthestairs

So pleased to read that the meeting with the welfare officer was positive. Well done to your son for picking things back up again.

We are also not back until the 12th but I hope that the idea of being back in a classroom and facing classmates and teachers will motivate.

This third lockdown has been awful all round.

Very interesting about melatonin.

Thank you. Yes the end is near. So hopefully can all get back to normal. Think it will really help ds as well.

Great news OP 🌺