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My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:33

There's no proceeds of the crime (as there's no proceeds!) But anyways financially this isn't tangled in that way . Yes, he did retire to a farm.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/02/2021 16:34

@Fressia123

We (my family) need to do a proper risk assessment of this isolation area heat being held, that's the crux at the moment.
But even if you do get information about where he is being held what can you do with it?
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:36

I think we'd just try to figure out the chances of him catching it. Death rate is 67% in that prison so it really isn't great.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 16:36

He might have contracted it already, in which case you won’t be able to see him by the time you get there.

I still maintain it would be perilous to visit a high-incidence covid facility. You have to think of your own health and it’s impact on your family.

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:37

Exactly, I think if it he catches it or has caught it might be too late already.

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 21/02/2021 16:37

You don’t get collared after 20 years for doing a runner from a restaurant or pinching a pushbike.

Judging what the rozzers have been like in Derbyshire over the lockdowns, they might.

RaspberryCoulis · 21/02/2021 16:37

@TomHardyAndMe

But there will be temps/agency staff who could do your job.

Now I work as a content moderator at an online music publisher

I'm fluent in Spanish and would be able to do your job starting tomorrow. You are not irreplaceable.

If you can work from anywhere in the world then it might not be an issue.

Mrgrinch · 21/02/2021 16:38

We're on a travel ban. It's essential travel only. The fact that you've magically predicted your father's death is not a reason to fly. You don't even know if it will happen.

Perhaps you'll share the lottery numbers next?

Nancydrawn · 21/02/2021 16:38

Well yes prisoners are humans too, drug dealers/lords. Mexico and its population is well known for not following any advice. (they think that hospitals/doctors kill them) but that's a completely different conversation.

OP, I think this is the response that was confusing people--I think some misinterpreted it to mean that you were referring to your father as a drug lord.

(FTR, I didn't! I just don't want you to think that people are pulling this from thin air as a way to be horrid--I think that some of them were confused.)

Can I say, over and above the ramifications for your work, that I'm really sorry about the situation. I obviously don't know what the crime was, nor is it any of my business, but the rocketing of COVID through prisons in both the US and Mexico is appalling, turning minor sentences into death sentences, and I'm so sorry to hear that your father's caught up in it. I hope very much for you that he doesn't catch COVID, or that if he does, he recovers quickly.

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:40

Yes, I think that one was half edited! I was saying that maybe your average prisoner is a human (like my dad!) But certainly I wouldn't say the same of the people linked to drug crimes/violence.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 21/02/2021 16:42

I don't think you can fly for personal reasons ATM.

freezedriedromance · 21/02/2021 16:43

Can you afford to pay to quarantine in a hotel when you come back? Afaik it's compulsory now.

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:44

Regardless of what people say, I've been in touch with the consulate who have assured me I definitely can fly for this reasons. That's not really in question.

My main concern is my job and that maybe I'm jumping into conclusions. But I'm pretty sure they'll think I'm taking the piss if I ask for some sort of flexibility for a 4th week.

OP posts:
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:44

No it's not compulsory, it's just if you're flying for certain countries. MX bizarrely isn't included.

OP posts:
thewinkingprawn · 21/02/2021 16:54

I really would wait and see. Your company are far more likely to say yes for an emergency trip IF he gets covid and IF he is extremely unwell with it. Both big IF’s. Off the back of already being out and now going back to see someone who does not have covid I would take a very dim view. He could have got it going into the local supermarket but you haven’t been dashing back every 5 mins to see him.

thewinkingprawn · 21/02/2021 16:54

And crikey how long are you going to sit out there for? Until he is released?!

oakleaffy · 21/02/2021 16:56

@Fressia123

Well it's kind of embarrassing to say that my dad is in jail, so I'd have to say he's for Covid, which I'm sure he will catch it anyways.
Tell your employers the truth.

Please don't lie to them.

Truth has a way of coming out..... Surely if it is to say ''Goodbye'' they will understand?

AndPatraWillNeverSayNever · 21/02/2021 16:57

Gosh Mumsnetters sometimes! OP has asked a question and a few have answered accordingly but OP is busy fielding "gotcha" questions from nosy posters who want her to spill every detail, and some have trawled through her account as well to find details. I think it's obvious OP is holding some details back and knows something we don't. Added to that, it's a different country so things apparently run differently. Why all the unnecessary bits trying to poke holes in OP's story and the details she's willing to share? Jeez!

Nancydrawn · 21/02/2021 16:59

I do agree that they might balk at you asking for indefinite flexible leave following three weeks of flexible leave for your son.

(Again, not that it's my business, but are you planning to take him with you? Leave him in the UK? If the former, it might even extend the need for flexibility further.)

I think you need to separate out the desire to see your father one more time and the need to be there for probate. For the former, even assuming he does get COVID, does your father want to see you while he's in prison? For the latter, are you sure that you have to be there?

If you can solve one of the issues, you won't be dealing with indefinite. Let's imagine that you're right, and he's going to get ill. (It's not a given.) But if it's only about seeing him and someone else can get POA for probate, then you just need two weeks of leave; if you think he'd rather not see you, or if you can talk with him on the phone/some sort of video link, then it's just about going over for probate.

In either case, I think clarity with your work is what you have to do: here's the situation (my father has taken ill with COVID, although only once that's true), here's how long I'll be gone, here's how I'll make things up.

Alternately, and I hate to say this, but if you could live off family money, you might decide that seeing your father and being there is more important than your job. So you can go in and say, look, I need X months off to deal with family matters due to Covid. I'll take them unpaid, but I'd like to come back to my job if I can. If that means you have to replace me permanently, I understand.

But I don't think there are any jobs that would just offer you indefinite flexible paid leave.

purpledagger · 21/02/2021 17:01

Going back to your original question about your job, nobody except your employer can answer the question about whether they will grant you time off work.

But, I would be as honest as you can, with your line manager, because if you need more time in the future, you could end up tying yourself in knots with trying to come up with a story. As a previous poster said, you could say something like you have a family emergency involving your father and need to travel.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 21/02/2021 17:01

@Fressia123

Regardless of what people say, I've been in touch with the consulate who have assured me I definitely can fly for this reasons. That's not really in question.

My main concern is my job and that maybe I'm jumping into conclusions. But I'm pretty sure they'll think I'm taking the piss if I ask for some sort of flexibility for a 4th week.

Maybe it’s fine for entry to Mexico but it actually doesn’t meet the UK rules. There are a very narrow range of circumstances currently under which you are legally allowed to travel to/from/within UK. Not that you’re likely to get stopped, but your work might take a dim view of you wanting to take time off for an illegal and inessential trip, especially if you are hoping for compassionate leave for something that hasn’t happened.
VodselForDinner · 21/02/2021 17:02

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AndPatraWillNeverSayNever · 21/02/2021 17:04

OP do you know you can namechange on mumsnet? You may want to try that if you wish to change details in posts or else mumsnetters will skin you alive.

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 17:05

Yes, I'm head of a division/department and still get paid peanuts! That has never been denied.

OP posts:
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 17:06

I know it possible to name change, but actually my whole story/timeline makes sense thus why I didn't.

OP posts: