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Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 13:40

@Fressia123

that would be a good option and even if only SSP, better than nothing.
You are likely to get sacked for gross misconduct if your boss finds out. It's one thing to take planned holiday while co-incidentally signed off for mental illness- that is fine. It's different entirely to abuse sick leave by pretending to need it when you're not sick. You are going to have to lie at your back to work interview and that will give them another reason to sack you if they later find out.
TomHardyAndMe · 21/02/2021 13:40

But there will be temps/agency staff who could do your job.

Now I work as a content moderator at an online music publisher

Didiusfalco · 21/02/2021 13:41

I think I would just level with your boss. It sounds like a really difficult situation you are in. Your boss may have suggestions for what is feasible. Please don’t feel embarrassed though - this is not your doing.

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LIZS · 21/02/2021 13:43

You'd have to be honest or not ask. There is no given he would get covid and even then no certainty he would be ill or even die. Would he want you to visit?

I doubt you can be paid or take unpaid leave indefinitely. What about your dc? Last week you were struggling with self isolating and childcare are you sure your mh is resilient enough to go and potentially struggle to return to UK?

2bazookas · 21/02/2021 13:44

@Fressia123

It's more to say goodbye as we're sure he'll be exposed to COVID and he's over 70, obese and with a heart condition so I at least have the certainty that he wouldn't be able to make it.
If the prisoners are in quarantine then surely you won't be allowed to visit him.
LIZS · 21/02/2021 13:44

And there would be others who speak Spanish who could do the job temporarily or permanently. It is not that niche.

SmudgeButt · 21/02/2021 13:44

Can you afford to travel? Not just the cost of flights/travel but staying there and 2 weeks quarantine when you return? And is there quarantine when you go there?

that's one of the things that stops me trying to visit my mom - I can't afford 4 weeks total in hotels (2 weeks going and 2 again coming back - much as i might love the peace and quiet...)

Chimoia · 21/02/2021 13:46

You're getting ahead of yourself with the risk of dying

  • yes he might be exposed
  • not everyone exposed gets symptoms and lots get mild to moderate symptoms
  • his age and conditions and the likely poor health care he would hypothetically receive would increase his risk but they do not make death inevitable. Don't go if it's just to say goodbye. Take your time deciding and getting the facts. Make sure that you are safe and protected abroad or at home, including financially (insurance, back up funds, medical equipment). Flowers
Violetroselily · 21/02/2021 13:47

Why does it need to be indefinite? Are you wanting to be there until he is released? Out of quarantine? If you're going there to say goodbye (which hopefully won't be the case) then why can't you return once you've been to visit him?

Chimoia · 21/02/2021 13:48

There is not a cat in hells chance a caring father would want his daughter to do this trip I don't think. Think carefully.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:48

Not where we live, and most certainly he wouldn't pay for a temp.

They're allowed visitors as my aunt has been there, he's seen him and spoken to him (although at a distance).

As I WFH I would be able to isolate on my return. Also, statistics are not on his side. Depending on the prison mortality rates are as high as 67%

OP posts:
Gotheeunicorns · 21/02/2021 13:49

Fressia123
Is your DF in the UK? I'm not really sure what you would achieve by flying back. Prisons in the UK are doing pretty well on the Covid front now. He will be required to isolate for 2 weeks on entry. I don't think he would be at any greater risk than if he were in the community.

The prison I work in still has no visits as we had a large outbreak and although it is now under control the regime is still locked down. He will have access to a phone and you can potentially email him. Is he on remand or has he been sentenced?

The website "unlocked" is a good source of information for things prison related and will give you an understanding of services you and he can access for support.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 13:49

@Didiusfalco

I think I would just level with your boss. It sounds like a really difficult situation you are in. Your boss may have suggestions for what is feasible. Please don’t feel embarrassed though - this is not your doing.
Or just say that your DF has been exposed to Covid (true) and that you fear the worst. Most employers will be sympathetic about family emergencies if you work with them to come up with a solution that minimises the impact on the business, especially if your role is as pivotal as you say. Ask if you can use a combination of annual leave/unpaid leave/and WFH.

I really would not lie about being sick. I'm not talking about the ethics but the practicality. Employers are struggling to manage employees needing to quarantine/shield, while trying to avoid overloading their colleagues. Your boss is likely to be absolutely furious if s/he finds out that someone has lied to take 3 weeks' sick leave. How are you going to get away with - for example - someone ringing you and realising from the different ring that your mobile is abroad? It's not going to work.

majesticallyawkward · 21/02/2021 13:50

Can you actually get there? I thought most travel was off?
Can you afford the travel, accommodation while there and then quarantine on return?
Do you know you'd be able to visit your dad? Or even granted entry to the country he's in?
If it's just to say goodbye why do you need indefinite leave?
Why are you planning on such risky travel and loosing a job to say goodbye to your dad when he doesn't actually have Covid, may not get it and if he does that is more likely to recover?

All seems needlessly dramatic and OTT.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:51

No, he's not. I'd have to fly across the pond to visit him. My DSis who as a DA used to visit prisons says conditions are horrific and again none of the stats play in his favour.

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 21/02/2021 13:52

I think I remember you, OP. Is this the old job or did you go with the new, higher paying one? I ask as you might take a different approach depending.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:54

Yes we can travel, we're on blacklisted. We do t have to come back and quarantine at a hotel we can just do it at home. My parents have enough money to pay everything (money isn't the issue). But if the worst were to happen we'd have to stay for wills and such that isn't immediate anyways.

I'm more of the idea of going when my AL resets, but if he's in a very enclosed room with no ventilation and they're all convicted criminals I doubt any of them followed any of the COVID precautions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 14:01

@nancy still old workplace but got promoted. I'm charge of a whole section/division .

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 21/02/2021 14:02

i dont understand why it has to be indefinite leave-you can only visit once a month isnt it and then only certain amount of visitors

dapsdaps · 21/02/2021 14:03

We do t have to come back and quarantine at a hotel we can just do it at home.

I don't think you get a choice about doing it at a hotel or at home.

GabsAlot · 21/02/2021 14:03

and even then can you ask to do it remotely

rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 14:04

He hasn't even got Covid. He's in prison for a crime and you're considering lying to commit fraud to get SSP? Hmm

Tell your boss the truth but accept you might not get paid or them hold your job indefinitely (why should they?).

LIZS · 21/02/2021 14:06

But if you could do your job remotely so could another. If you have used all your al for this year when does it reset? How often is he allowed visitors anyway? Could your dsis go and you time a trip to be there just before your appointment? Is he likely to be a long term inmate or awaiting trial? Presumably serious if he not granted bail but has the means.

killickthere · 21/02/2021 14:07

ask to temporarily wfh abroad.

compassionate leave is not there to get paid while family are struggling abroad, to be frank. If - IF - you DF died then you'd get c leave. But you're vvvvvv unlikely to get it in the circumstances you outline here. Your DF has his wife and at least one daughter there.

notapizzaeater · 21/02/2021 14:08

I can't imagine this will be covered in your contract. Is he not likely to get bail ?

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