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Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 21:01

Because he's called me repeatedly to tell me that if he catches it he'll die. Same as my DM but at least she doesn't call just to tell me that.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/02/2021 21:21

But you know that is irrational. And you could not change it anyway. What would racing across now with your young child really achieve?

FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 21:24

I thought he could only make domestic calls

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Crime
rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 21:26

@Fressia123

Because he's called me repeatedly to tell me that if he catches it he'll die. Same as my DM but at least she doesn't call just to tell me that.
Then you need to reassure him that that's this is not always true and you are doing all you can just now but you have a job and a child and need to tie up some loose ends before you can travel - as it is airlines are making sure you have a negative Covid test to board anyhow. I understand, my husband's family are abroad, too, but even so he had to have a negative Covid test (he is now vaccinated) and several of the flights were cancelled due to lack of passengers before he was even able to get one to travel.

Please try not to give in to panic.

callmeadoctor · 21/02/2021 21:29

Cant believe that you would risk taking your child with you too?

callmeadoctor · 21/02/2021 21:30

Also what happens if you catch covid out there and you have your child to look after?

nimbuscloud · 21/02/2021 21:33

Because he's called me repeatedly

How? Has he a mobile phone in prison with him?

typicalvalues · 21/02/2021 21:36

@nimbuscloud

Because he's called me repeatedly

How? Has he a mobile phone in prison with him?

Prisoners are allowed personal phonecalls on a limited basis.
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2021 21:39

@nimbuscloud

Because he's called me repeatedly

How? Has he a mobile phone in prison with him?

Presumably this was before he was arrested.
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 21:42

Yes, before he was arrested. He also called me last Sunday and I didn't pick up. I feel terrible about it now.

My DM has 2 FT housekeeping employees plus an extra one that comes and help when needed. I'm sure if cope of we both caught it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 21:43

My DF has no way to be contacted by us ATM. It's only my aunt who'd been able to be in touch.

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 21/02/2021 21:47

Ok so what happens if you go out there and he doesn't catch it and he's fine? Are you going to stay there for the duration of his sentence? You're risking your health, your job, and your child's health to travel to say goodbye to your father, whom you have no logical evidence against that he will get covid and die.
He has risk factors, so do a lot of people that get it and are totally fine.
If he was on his deathbed I'd get it but he's not.
You can't take compassionate leave to visit your dad just incase he dies. I could say that about anyone! You could be hit by a bus tomorrow. You're catastrophising to the extreme. Honestly going and potentially losing your job and getting sick is really, really risky. Please actually think through what you're doing. Also your sister isn't a medical professional so I wouldn't be taking her word as gospel. Seriously calm down.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 21:49

I'd just return within two weeks. Enjoy my DM and my home.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 21/02/2021 21:50

@ typicalvalues
The op’s dad is in Mexico

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2021 21:51

My DM has 2 FT housekeeping employees plus an extra one that comes and help when needed. I'm sure if cope of we both caught it.

Shock

By using someone else to work in the house...

imalmostthere · 21/02/2021 21:51

@Fressia123

I'd just return within two weeks. Enjoy my DM and my home.
Then it's unpaid leave. It's not compassionate leave, and you can't get sick pay or anything else. You risk not being able to fly home if flights are cancelled. There are quarantine restrictions, and a whole lot else. Are you willing to take the chance you couldn't get back home? Lose your job? Get sick? It's an absolutely huge over reaction.
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 21:53

You're allowed cleaners and nannies here, I don't think where the judgment comes from. they're like my DMs bubble so to speak as they're all the same family an slice together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 21:55

*live not slice.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 21/02/2021 22:17

I don’t know if you’re particularly bothered about this OP since you choose not to name change but you’re very identifiable. I know your name essentially by accident and so can easily stumble on your employer’s name. Obviously not an issue except that if I can identify you by accident there’s every chance that so can they.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 22:19

I doubt they read MN, but I wouldn't lie anyways. Besides I'm sure they'll say no anyways and I'm not planning to chance it. At most they'd know my DF is in prison which in itself is not a crime.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 21/02/2021 22:29

I meant because you’d pondered lying to them in the thread. But yes, your dad being in jail shouldn’t reflect on you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2021 23:11

@Fressia123

You're allowed cleaners and nannies here, I don't think where the judgment comes from. they're like my DMs bubble so to speak as they're all the same family an slice together.
If you COVID you'd not 'bubble' though. You isolate!
rawalpindithelabrador · 22/02/2021 01:31

Look, just take a step back! Stop panicking. Speak to your boss. The biggest problem is that a) if the airline requires it, you both need negative Covid tests and b) the flight might be cancelled due to low passenger numbers.

But you are allowed to leave the UK and repatriate to your country. And what they will ask for is your negative Covid test and your Mexican passports at check in. They don't care about anything other than that you are a Mexican going back to Mexico.

Once you get there, stop panicking some more! Two weeks is entirely unrealistic. Stay there and see how things go. Book an open-ended ticket and see how it goes. Go see a medico or someone and get some Ativan or Valium or whatever. Because this won't help anyone if you are all loca and keyed up.

All this scaremongering is no good, either. I've PM'd you. Once you're there, you're there, you're Mexican and you'll deal with whatever it is with your family but the two weeks thing is totally unrealistic.

rawalpindithelabrador · 22/02/2021 01:36

It's not a crime that your father is in prison, people here do not understand how prisons work in other places. You are repatriating back to your own country, so do it and don't worry about the rest. If your family wants you back then the whole isolation and such is their business and yours and you'll be in Mexico so it's no one's business here.

All this 'You're not allowed' is bollocks. You are allowed to leave this country and go back to your home country. Whatever rules they have there is their business.

If and when you do return then that's the concern of the UK and you can obey their quarantine as they see fit. If you're a UK national, you're allowed to come back, you just have to abide the rules set in place.

But you have to stop panicking.

rawalpindithelabrador · 22/02/2021 01:39

@MiddleParking

I don’t know if you’re particularly bothered about this OP since you choose not to name change but you’re very identifiable. I know your name essentially by accident and so can easily stumble on your employer’s name. Obviously not an issue except that if I can identify you by accident there’s every chance that so can they.
Probably not an issue. God, people, stop scaremongering!

Go and stay and let your sister work on the case, maybe he can be sprung. These things can happen.