Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
MechantGourmet · 21/02/2021 16:05

Are your parents not divorced? How does your mother get a say?

Anne1958 · 21/02/2021 16:05

@acrossthebrooklynbridge

I am a little shocked that visits to prisons are allowed, but visits to care homes and hospitals aren't. We cannot visit friends and relatives in their homes or welcome friends or relatives into ours. Grandparents can not see their grandchildren, or adult children, or parents, yet if I was in prison my children or grandchildren could visit me? Is that right? Surely not? I am sorry if I have missed the explanation for the above but it's all a bit strange somehow. But I wish the OP well.
The OP is referring to a situation in Mexico
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2021 16:05

@acrossthebrooklynbridge

I am a little shocked that visits to prisons are allowed, but visits to care homes and hospitals aren't. We cannot visit friends and relatives in their homes or welcome friends or relatives into ours. Grandparents can not see their grandchildren, or adult children, or parents, yet if I was in prison my children or grandchildren could visit me? Is that right? Surely not? I am sorry if I have missed the explanation for the above but it's all a bit strange somehow. But I wish the OP well.
I don't know how it is in Mexico, but we're not visiting hospitals and care homes to keep people safe. Presumably the prison population is much younger and people care less about their welfare if prison conditions are anything to go by.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Crime
sunflowersandbuttercups · 21/02/2021 16:05

@Pickles89

I'm confused as to why a prison visit is allowed? If law abiding citizens can't see their family at a friends why should criminals be a special case? That doesn't seem right to me!
This is in Mexico.
IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 16:06

If covid is rampant in Mexico and particularly in prisons, I don’t think it would be wise to visit; you are at high risk of catching it yourself and being ill or being stuck there for much longer than you had planned.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:08

They're not divorced but have been separated for the past 15 years. Yes, my DM is concerned I'll catch it and bring it to her.

OP posts:
shessofunny · 21/02/2021 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:11

He's not a drug lord FFS!

OP posts:
IceGrass · 21/02/2021 16:12

I would really have to balance up rooting my family and losing my job against the risk of travelling to see him etc. Is this America? Do you need to be there for a reading of the will, you don’t need that in the U.K., is it country specific?
I would be open and honest with your employer, you’re more likely to able to work from home abroad then. The fact that’s he’s already behind bars pending a hearing/sentencing means it’s something awful he did 20 years ago or not.
Do you have kids?

IceGrass · 21/02/2021 16:12

Sorry I have seen people have said Mexico.

IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 21/02/2021 16:15

This sounds like an awful situation for you but you’re being a bit ridiculous. He doesn’t have Covid. Even if he got it, he would almost certainly be fine. You can’t get compassionate leave on the grounds that someone MIGHT get ill and MIGHT then be on their deathbed and MIGHT then die.

You’re massively catastrophising. There is no sign that the man is going to die so to get hysterical about will preparations is ridiculous.

Deep breaths, work out what actually needs to be done here and whether you being there is actually helpful. You won’t get to take the time off to spend months waiting to see if he gets ill, basically everyone in the world is in this situation.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 16:15

Wow, that is astonishingly racist, @shessofunny. Yes, all Mexican criminals are drug lords and no one is a burglar or fiddles a tax return Hmm

If you think the OP is making this up, report her to MN, don't throw nasty stereotypes at her.

shessofunny · 21/02/2021 16:20

She intimated he's a Mexican drug lord. As you very well know.
Oh look.........I can do the arsehole face too Hmm

FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 16:21

Are the prisons even allowing visitors ? They weren’t last year.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2021 16:22

@shessofunny

She intimated he's a Mexican drug lord. As you very well know. Oh look.........I can do the arsehole face too Hmm
Has she, where? Nosy, me.
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 16:24

@shessofunny

She intimated he's a Mexican drug lord. As you very well know. Oh look.........I can do the arsehole face too Hmm
No she didn't, you numpty. She was replying to a poster asking why prisoners wouldn't follow Covid restrictions by saying that some of them are drug lords, not that her DF is.

You may be able to do a Hmm face, but you need to brush up on your basic reading skills.

LIZS · 21/02/2021 16:24

If an estate includes potential proceeds of the alleged crime you may find it takes a lot longer to resolve, in the event of his death, whenever that may be.

IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 16:26

I suppose we’re naturally all a bit nosey. Presumably he’s not the Mexican Ripper as the OP still appears fond of him.... so I expect it is a financial misdemeanour. You don’t get collared after 20 years for doing a runner from a restaurant or pinching a pushbike.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 16:27

We (my family) need to do a proper risk assessment of this isolation area heat being held, that's the crux at the moment.

OP posts:
FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 16:28

All this talk of wills and estates - poor bloke’s not even ill let alone dead !

MechantGourmet · 21/02/2021 16:29

Um, the OP has had numerous threads under this and other names... never once have I been given the impression that her father was a drug lord! Maybe farmer means something else where you're from?

MechantGourmet · 21/02/2021 16:30

@LIZS

If an estate includes potential proceeds of the alleged crime you may find it takes a lot longer to resolve, in the event of his death, whenever that may be.
This was my thinking too.
PhilCornwall1 · 21/02/2021 16:31

@Fressia123

None of the current employees can do my job, I mean that's a fact, as it's all in Spanish!
Nobody is irreplaceable. Don't lie to your employer as to why you need the time off. If you are found to be doing that, the chances are you'd be up the road rapidly.
C8H10N4O2 · 21/02/2021 16:33

So this man is a rich Mexican drug lord in the nick

Gods is this thread trying to create a record number of entries from the hard of thinking?