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Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
themoneypolice · 21/02/2021 18:03

@BettyBoomerang

I mean this kindly but this sounds far more like your family is having a crisis and just wants you there, and that you want to be there, than that you need to be there.

Even with his age and health, he's far, far more likely to be fine IF (and big big if) he catches Covid) than to die.

Also (speaking as a family member of someone in prison) he brought this on himself. 20 years ago just means he got away with it for too long. Don't let your family and job become more victims of his criminal behaviour.

Brought it on himself Hmm ridiculous comment....
TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/02/2021 18:05

I would be totally honest with my employer, and hope for the best. Your DF is not unwell and he may not become unwell. He may have already had Covid without symptoms and now be immune.

Being honest, if I were your employer I wouldn't give you leave. Certainly not for weeks on end, when it is not at all clear you can really achieve anything by going.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 18:07

I think I'd ask to work PT if possible . It's not like I'll be there all day. although I might I don't know the system at all.

OP posts:

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themoneypolice · 21/02/2021 18:12

@Mrgrinch

We're on a travel ban. It's essential travel only. The fact that you've magically predicted your father's death is not a reason to fly. You don't even know if it will happen.

Perhaps you'll share the lottery numbers next?

Oh do bugger off
ragged · 21/02/2021 18:17

Sorry you're going thru this, Fressia. Sea valiente

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 18:32

Gracias @ragged

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 21/02/2021 19:06

@themoneypolice you bugger off.

It's ridiculous. You can't just decide you need to fly because you've whipped your crystal ball out and seen the death of a family member.

HalzTangz · 21/02/2021 19:17

@Fressia123

No it's not compulsory, it's just if you're flying for certain countries. MX bizarrely isn't included.
Yet.... It won't be long before UK adds every country to keep out new strains..have you got 1750 to pay for that if Mexico becomes redlisted
rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 19:19

She's a Mexican national. Countries are allowing their citizens to repatriate. They may need to quarantine, but they are not kept out. Hmm

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 19:20

@HalzTangz I do have that type of money. My family is of the idea that I should go regardless of the cost.

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 21/02/2021 19:20

@Fressia123

It's about how many are kept in confinement. It's not the same if it's 10, 20 or 50. The more people the higher the chances of contracting Covid
Surely this can be found out by you, your sister or mother asking him on the phone. I don't see how flying out to Mexico achieves anything
rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 19:22

[quote Fressia123]@HalzTangz I do have that type of money. My family is of the idea that I should go regardless of the cost.[/quote]
Yes, they are very panicked. Please speak to your boss first. Something might be able to be worked out.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 19:23

Nobody apart from my aunt has been able to talk to him. Why he hasn't called my DM I don't know. I'm waiting to hear from my DM after she's called my aunt.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/02/2021 19:23

OP do you and your partner have a solid childcare plan in place for when you're planning to be away? If he's working away frequently and both sets of grandparents won't help then that's the priority planning wise I guess?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/02/2021 19:25

Sorry my post just now was on the wrong thread!

Though I guess relevant here too re childcare planning for your trip?

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 19:26

I'm taking the baby with me.

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 21/02/2021 19:26

Well if your family has so much spare money then I'm sure you won't be struggling without your job.

LIZS · 21/02/2021 19:28

[quote Fressia123]@HalzTangz I do have that type of money. My family is of the idea that I should go regardless of the cost.[/quote]
Well that's lovely of them, but it does not take into account the global pandemic, your family responsibilities or your job. Does your sister have such commitments? You going is not going to wave a magic wand and solve anything that could not be done at a distance.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 19:31

No, my sister has a toddler too but ATM she's a SAHM, so she can easily travel over there and stay as long as needed.

OP posts:
rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 19:35

@Fressia123

None of the current employees can do my job, I mean that's a fact, as it's all in Spanish!
There are other people here who can speak Spanish, that's by the by. Your contract is what matters. You may not be permitted to go suddenly like this without leaving. It's pointless to speculate just now. Read your employment contract and speak to your boss. Your family needs to calm the fuck down. There's no way of telling what will happen to your father with regards to Covid only that he's going to jail.
OverCCCs · 21/02/2021 20:03

If you’re holding your dad’s financial assets in your name, OP, I’d suggested being 100% certain you aren’t at risk of any legal reprisal yourself if you return to Mexico.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 20:14

Everything is pretty sound in financial terms. In the end it's about giving moral support to my DSis and potentially saying our last goodbyes. If I hadn't to take some flexibility from work the past few weeks I wouldn't even be questioning.

OP posts:
FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 20:30

Why are you so fixated on your father dying?

AlisonParker1 · 21/02/2021 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 21:00

@Fressia123

Everything is pretty sound in financial terms. In the end it's about giving moral support to my DSis and potentially saying our last goodbyes. If I hadn't to take some flexibility from work the past few weeks I wouldn't even be questioning.
I get that, but Fressia, I say this as someone whose parent did die from Covid. He didn't just drop dead. And it may not happen! Again, my mother was only mildly ill and recovered completely. It's really unhealthy to think in this direction. As it was my father was taken to hospital and only my mother could be with him as she had recovered and tested negative. We had to say goodbye by video link.

You are replaceable. There are now many Spanish speaking people here who have lost their jobs, especially in the hospitality sector, who have signed on with agencies to get work so you need to accept that you may need to leave this job. That's all well and good but please, stop catastrophising! It's unhelpful to all of you.

Try to be calm, read your contract and speak to your boss but you may need to leave the job if you go. And you'll likely need to arrange a Covid test to travel, for both you and the child. You can't just hop on a plane anymore to most countries.

Get a plan!

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