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Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:10

I've asked the consulate and they say that's a good enough reason.

OP posts:
FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 15:12

My DSis says it would be too late by the time he shows symptoms

He hasn’t got covid, he might not get covid and if he does he won’t necessarily die.

Melonportal · 21/02/2021 15:16

Could you ask your work about the possibility of a career break?

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Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:16

Yes I know all of this, but in unsanitary conditions, being obese, with hypertension and above 70 doesn't really look very promising.

OP posts:
HuggedTheRedwoods · 21/02/2021 15:18

Not a good idea to go off sick to cover your trip as its possible/likely your employer will have processes to keep in touch while you're off.

ShalomToYouJackie · 21/02/2021 15:18

You keep saying he's in quarantine, surely if he's in quarantine then he can't see anyone?

Toorapid · 21/02/2021 15:19

So is it your sister putting pressure on you to go?

What do you want and what will you be able to do if you do go?.

  • Visit father. Is this something you want to do? If conditions are as you describe, who does it help for you see him like that? Presumably you can speak to him by phone/online. Lots of people, even those who live close to family are unable to see loved ones, who do actually have life limiting illness atm.
  • Exactly what "paperwork" will be needed that can't be dealt with by your sister and mother or by post/email?
  • Presumably, as a former DA, your sister is not in need of a close to NMW job, but it seems you are. Or if, as you say, money isn't an issue, why are you worried about your job?
  • Why so confident that boss wouldn't pay a temp, if he isn't paying you?

I think you need to take some time and stop panicking. Stop treating this like an urgent situation, it isn't. Even if he did become seriously ill (the odds are in his favour, even with the health conditions) you'd likely know that several days before the end.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:19

They can, they out them all in an open space yard and people get a chance to shout through an acrylic screen, there's at least 4-5ms between them. At least that's how it has been explained to me.

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AngelDelightUK · 21/02/2021 15:20

Is he likely to be released? If the crime happened 20 years ago is he really looking at getting a sentence?

I wonder if you should resign work, and tell them that you really don’t want to but you’ve got a family emergency etc. I think they’d be more likely to help than if you went in asking for xyz

Toorapid · 21/02/2021 15:21

@Fressia123

They can, they out them all in an open space yard and people get a chance to shout through an acrylic screen, there's at least 4-5ms between them. At least that's how it has been explained to me.
Is that better than a "farewell" letter or phone call?
Toddlerteaplease · 21/02/2021 15:22

Not everyone who gets Covid gets it badly. Even those with underlying issues. Treatments have moved on massively and as a PP said he's more likely to survive it than die from it.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:23

There's a will with all his bank accounts, wills etc.. I'm the sole beneficiary as far as we know this I need to be there.

I'm worried about my job because it isn't so easy to get one, yes money isn't an issue in some ways but I like to have my own income and not live at my parent's expense.

Temps are expensive, I'm not on the other hand and what I do could be put on hold.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:24

In prison they get not treatment that's the worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:25

Also I haven't been able to get in touch with him, he can only get a phone card for domestic calls. I've already asked the consulate for a way to speak to him and they're looking into it.

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MrsRockAndRoll · 21/02/2021 15:26

@Pinkdelight3

I also don't understand why it's indefinite if it's 'to say goodbye'. Sounds like the most you could do was one socially distanced prison visit. Equally, that might not be how he wants you to remember him anyway. Not that his fate is necessarily as inevitable as you're fearing.
This.

If I was your employer I would try to support if you were being honest. So agree a time period for you to go over and visit then return.

However I don't agree it's necessary you need to stay for reading of wills.

IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 15:26

You’re the sole beneficiary? What about his wife (presumably your mother) ? Or your sister?

Toorapid · 21/02/2021 15:27

Things must be very different there if you need to be there just because you're a beneficiary.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:30

I could do it via a power of attorney, granted by the consulate bit they're not doing that sort of paperwork at the moment as it's not seen as an emergency, but I'm int touch with them so I'll see how much more they can help.

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Toorapid · 21/02/2021 15:31

Besides which there is no active will atm. If that did become necessary, it's not urgent to do it straightaway and certianly not to go now.

mootymoo · 21/02/2021 15:31

Can you work remotely? You could offer to work from overseas

MechantGourmet · 21/02/2021 15:32

You're talking about being sole beneficiary, but the man is not even dead! Or even contracted a disease...

Is the crime tax evasion? Do people not get bail for that in Mexico?

Hawse · 21/02/2021 15:34

@Justanotherworkingmom

Ignore idiots like *@rawalpindithelabrador*

As of last month, there are further restrictions on when you can lawfully leave the country. The regulations are all available online. Unless OP wants to find herself in prison too, she should probably take a look and get advice on whether she falls within one of the exemptions.

Just reading this, I have to wonder again - if people are reading the EXACT same rules posted online at Gov.uk as the rest of us. @rawalpindithelabrador is in the right (through repatriation may or may not be an acceptable reason for international travel as its up to the airline on the day - but as the OP says, she has checked with the consulate who state it is). The guidelines are extremely clear 'You must not leave or be outside of your home except where you have a ‘reasonable excuse’.' and 'There are further reasonable excuses.' This is exactly the same for international travel - it is incredibly vague, though Gov.uk keeps using business and education as sole examples to try and discourage people from going to the airports. And prison is ridiculous, again the guidelines are clear - 'You can be given a Fixed Penalty Notice of £200 for the first offence, doubling for further offences up to a maximum of £6,400.'. But again - this doesn't apply to the OP. She is well within her rights to travel, as she has a reasonable excuse to leave home.
Soontobe60 · 21/02/2021 15:36

@Fressia123

My DSis says it would be too late by the time he shows symptoms, so we have to get there before it happens. She's going to take over the case as far as I'm aware, but she's a criminal lawyer who used to be a DA, she definitely should!
I’m confused. Has he been convicted and sentenced? if so, what can your sister do? Surely the case is now closed? Who will look after your ds whilst you're away?
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 15:38

Have you spoken to a probate solicitor in Mexico? I know your sister's a DA, but presumably that makes her a criminal lawyer, so she may not know much about your options. I certainly wouldn't expect a CPS barrister in the UK (nearest equivalent) to be able to advise on probate issues here.

Does the prison allow video calls at all? I know some US prisons now do. They have to be pre-booked and are monitored, of course, but might be a more practical option.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:38

No, he hasn't been convicted. The first audience is in a couple of days, the main things is to get an appeal ASAP and he's have to work on that. The legal systems are very different and quite frankly I don't understand the whole thing, but no, he hasn't had a sentence or a trial.

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