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Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
bigbird1969 · 21/02/2021 14:10

Why do you need to go for an indefinite peroid of time? You say your saying good bye to your father as your convinced he is going to die. All sounds odd to me. You wouldn’t get compassionate leave to go to visit your father in prison which is what your doing as he isn’t dying. Why can’t you take annual leave and return?

flowery · 21/02/2021 14:12

Doing a bit of work remotely whilst you’re on holiday abroad is unlikely to be a problem, but you do realise that working in a foreign country for an ‘indefinite’ period comes with significant implications? Do you have the appropriate visa/citizenship to allow you to work there? Is your employer fully apprised of the tax and employment law implications and in a position to comply with them?

CoffeeRunner · 21/02/2021 14:13

I would be utterly honest with your employer. See what they suggest.

You will always have the option of being signed off with stress as this is a stressful situation for you.

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Crime
Ch3rish · 21/02/2021 14:14

@dapsdaps

We do t have to come back and quarantine at a hotel we can just do it at home.

I don't think you get a choice about doing it at a hotel or at home.

It sounds like the OP is going to the US, that's not on the English red list is it? Hotel quarantine is only for the specified countries
nestlestealswater · 21/02/2021 14:14

What are you going there to do? Why do you need to go indefinitely? By indefinitely, do you mean for a few weeks, or for the duration of his sentence? Do you just want to visit him once to check he's okay, or do you want to wait over there for some reason?

CandyLeBonBon · 21/02/2021 14:15

Is this the same DF who advised you not to get married recently?

Pinkdelight3 · 21/02/2021 14:15

I also don't understand why it's indefinite if it's 'to say goodbye'. Sounds like the most you could do was one socially distanced prison visit. Equally, that might not be how he wants you to remember him anyway. Not that his fate is necessarily as inevitable as you're fearing.

Ch3rish · 21/02/2021 14:16

@notapizzaeater

I can't imagine this will be covered in your contract. Is he not likely to get bail ?
I know this is serious but that made me smile - a “parent in jail overseas in a pandemic” clause Smile
LIZS · 21/02/2021 14:16

Central America?

SilverBirchWithout · 21/02/2021 14:21

I think you need to think about this in a considered way. Yes there is a risk DF will catch Covid, and a risk he might die - but you are panicking at the moment - it might not happen - presumably as a Spanish speaker it’s somewhere in South America? Have they a vaccine program, and is Infection prevalence reducing or increasing?
Have you a life here that you wish to come back to? Do you want to be with your family to offer support? Can you come back to UK without a job in the future? What about your DS’s life in UK? Have you a partner here?
If it’s a job you love and want/need to keep, it is probably better to ask for a short period of emergency leave - say 1 to 2 weeks. If you don’t want to be open about DF’s prison sentence call it a family emergency. Very few employers would consider indefinite compassionate leave unless a partner had a terminal illness.

Sit and weigh-up the pros and cons. Other than saying goodbye to your DF what can you actually achieve? To be harsh your situation is really no different to the thousands of people who cannot say goodbye to family members because of Covid restrictions impacting hospital visits or travel - you are fortunate to have a choice, but it would be kinder to your peace of mind if you didn’t have this option.
It is something we all need to consider when moving a long way from our parents - in an emergency we might not be able to get there in time.

lightyearsahead · 21/02/2021 14:21

I don't think you need to go into detail. Say there is a family emergency and you need to go home, it is concerning your father.
Say you wish to take 2 weeks holiday, then work from home/remotely for a while. I wouldn't specify a time limit if you can help it.
Work your normal work hours if you can or adjust if you can

DeepFakeQueen · 21/02/2021 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeddaGarbled · 21/02/2021 14:22

I think you’re panicking. Don’t make any rash decisions in a panic. Maybe you can wait and see whether he actually does get COVID before you make a proper plan to visit.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 21/02/2021 14:22

I don't think any employer will let you just take indefinite leave from work.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 14:22

@LIZS

Central America?
South-west US or Florida, I would guess.
Cameleongirl · 21/02/2021 14:24

I wouldn’t just up and leave, OP. I’m in the reverse situation as a close relative ing the UK has terminal cancer. Much as I want to jump on a plane, I can’t realistically stay indefinitely as I’ll lose my job, plus family commitments here, so I’m waiting until the end is close.

Your Dad isn’t going even ill and there’s nothing you can actually do for him right now. I’d wait as travel restrictions might even ease in the coming months.

typicalvalues · 21/02/2021 14:27

South-west US or Florida, I would guess.

I believe they speak Spanish a lot in Spain also.

rawalpindithelabrador · 21/02/2021 14:27

How many managers would seriously take 'family emergency' with no detail? Hmm

sadie9 · 21/02/2021 14:28

I think as other posters says, you are panicking.
It's not pleasant thinking of him in there, but he may not get Covid at all.
He's more likely not to die soon than he is to die soon.
There's not much anyone can do about his circumstance.
Take time to get used to the changed situation. Don't make decisions on impulse.
In two weeks time things will be the same, it seems very urgent now but you have time to make considered decisions over a number of weeks.
Make a decision on what's best for yourself, not based on what your sister is telling you to do.

typicalvalues · 21/02/2021 14:28

Is there a chance that he will get out of prison OP?

TomHardyAndMe · 21/02/2021 14:33

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow The OP would be going to Mexico.

FossilisedFanny · 21/02/2021 14:33

How long is he going to be in prison for? If you’re going to fly there to say goodbye in case he dies , why not wait until you’re sure he is actually going to die ?

Shrivelled · 21/02/2021 14:33

@typicalvalues they speak Spanish in Spain, but you wouldn’t have to go “across the pond” as the OP said, in order to get there.

TomHardyAndMe · 21/02/2021 14:36

@typicalvalues

South-west US or Florida, I would guess.

I believe they speak Spanish a lot in Spain also.

The OP is Mexican. She would be going to Mexico.
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 14:36

He will get out for old age (in two years). The "indefinite" is that I'd hope it would be for a couple of weeks, but if it the worst were to happen I'd definitely have to stay to sort out some paperwork.

Quite frankly given I've already had a mental (or was very close to) this week I doubt I'd be able to work as normal but I get in being unreasonable about it being "indefinite". I'm a dual citizen and was able to work remotely for up to 5 weeks at a time in my previous job, but this is a different employer anyways.

OP posts: