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Original poster

My DF is in jail, I need to go back to my home country, can't I take compassionate leave?

286 replies

Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 13:23

It's for something that happened 20 years ago. He's under quarantine with other inmates under terrible conditions, I'm pretty sure he'll catch COVID and that will be the end of it. I need to go back home for an indefinite length of time, what's the best to handle this with work? (I also had to take time off for my DS in the past 3 weeks which worries me they'll think I'm taking the Mick).

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 15:38

I don’t understand why you’re planning for the man to be dead and buried and the will read.... and he’s not even ill!

BungleandGeorge · 21/02/2021 15:38

I think you’re being pessimistic about his chances. You generally don’t get paid leave to even visit a dying relative, it’s holiday or unpaid leave. Compassionate level is generally a few days paid after a bereavement. It’s not a generous system at all! He’s not even unwell at the moment... you could certainly request unpaid leave

user18467425798532 · 21/02/2021 15:39

He doesn't have covid. He's not dying.

I get that you're frightened, feeling out of control, your family is distressed and panicking, and that there is a lot of uncertainty, but you're massively catastrophising to be deciding you need to walk out of your job to go and say goodbye to a not-dying person.

(Also, he is a convict/inmate too - if he is following covid precautions why do you think none of his fellow convicts/inmates would? Prisoners are still as human as your dad.)

There are a lot of risks to an employer in agreeing for you to work remotely from another country because it means that they have to comply with the employment and tax laws in the other country - redundancy, health and safety, taxes, etc. It could also mean they end up being treated as trading in that country. I would be surprised if they agreed.

In your head he already has covid and is dying so you will only be gone for a matter of weeks.

In reality he does not have covid and is not dying. So how long would you stay there waiting for him to catch covid and die? Weeks? Months? Until the pandemic is "over"? Until he's released?

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. I really think you need to stop and take a breath before you do anything though. You're not being rational right now (understandably).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Crime
LIZS · 21/02/2021 15:40

Compassionate leave is normally limited to death of immediate family, and even then is days rather than weeks. It is discretionary not statutory so may not even be an option or paid. Any paperwork could be dealt with later, via consul or delegated to your sister/mother - assuming it even comes to that. If you have only one trip you need to decide at what point you would choose to go and to what end. Could your family be laying it on thick in the hope you come running? If it weren't a pandemic would you go now? Indefinite stay and keeping your job seems unlikely.

IrmaFayLear · 21/02/2021 15:40

If he’s planning an appeal it doesn’t sound as if he intends to die quite yet!

Gazelda · 21/02/2021 15:41

What do you want to get out of the visit?
Is it to support your family?
Is it to visit DF and say your goodbyes?
Is it to attend the trial?
Is it to wait until he either gets out of jail or succumbs to covid and then wait for the will to be read?
Are you taking your DC with you?
Are there any practical obstacles to you working overseas, eg confidential work that requires you to be working off a UK server?

I think you need to get your thoughts in order, to decide what you're asking for. Then you can approach your manager and ask for their support.

I feel for you, it must be a very stressful time. But I also feel for your employer. From the way you say that no one else can do your job. And a temp would be too expensive, your absence might have a serious impact on their business.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/02/2021 15:41

I’m confused. Has he been convicted and sentenced? if so, what can your sister do? Surely the case is now closed?

In the US (don't know about Mexico), 'jail' means being held on remand, as opposed to prison which is post-conviction. The two are often used interchangeably informally, but I suspect the OP means that her DF has not yet been convicted.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:42

Well yes prisoners are humans too, drug dealers/lords. Mexico and its population is well known for not following any advice. (they think that hospitals/doctors kill them) but that's a completely different conversation.

OP posts:
HelloThereMeHearties · 21/02/2021 15:42

I don't know what your sister means by "once he's showing symptoms it's too late". Surely you can get everything set up - talk to your employer, say you might need compassionate/unpaid leave, have a conversation with them about how/if you could work remotely, etc etc.

Then if he becomes ill, you could get on the first plane, with everything in order.

Unless you just want to go and visit him anyway, which is a different issue.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:44

Yes, he hasn't been convicted, he's awaiting trial.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:45

Once they become ill, they are put into further isolation and nobody can see them. That's until they either recover or die. This is as soon as they show symptoms which is what my sister means

OP posts:
SilverBirchWithout · 21/02/2021 15:46

@rawalpindithelabrador

OP has mentioned twice she is travelling ‘over the pond’ - the Atlantic Ocean - usually means to the US.

All of N. America is 'over the pond' Hmm - and C. America, S. America, two entire continents.

Yes I have already said that earlier RTWT🙄

As a colloquial expression ‘over the pond’ means to the US. I was explaining ‘the pond’ in question is the Atlantic.
People don’t tend to use it when travelling to Central or South America.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2021 15:47

Aren't COVID rates in Mexico better than the UK?

And he may get it and be fine. My elderly relation got it in hospital while she was having very serious surgery, no symptoms at all. Positive test though.

You need to breathe, stop catastophising and make sensible plans for if something happens. At the moment it's worrying, but not something you need to jump on a plane immediately for.

Anne1958 · 21/02/2021 15:48

I don’t understand why you’re planning for the man to be dead and buried and the will read.... and he’s not even ill!

Yesterday a thread about Prince Phillip was deleted at the Op’s request due to other posters saying it was distasteful and now we have this poor man dead and buried as well

Op, stay put here until there’s something real to go home for. Now isn’t the time though I can understand people being in a panic and making rash decisions right now.

Motnight · 21/02/2021 15:48

You seem ever so certain that your father is going to die of COVID, Op, which is strange as he hasn't even been diagnosed with it 🤔

LIZS · 21/02/2021 15:50

Why not wait for the outcome of the court hearing? If released on bail he is in no worse a position than before. I suspect you would be more likely to contract covid there than here.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:52

Rates are only better because there's s high suspicion they're not the real ones, there's plenty of articles about it. However, rates in the penitentiary system are far worse than the general population.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:54

And there's no bail.he could get an appeal approved for old age and pre-existing conditions but that takes a while.

OP posts:
nestlestealswater · 21/02/2021 15:55

I think you need to take a breath. In a difficult situation it's no wonder that you want to go to help your family, and no wonder that your sister is desperate to have you back. But honestly you're really getting ahead of yourself. He's not ill, he's not dead, you don't need to attend the reading of his will. He's not even convicted of a crime yet. He is probably going to be okay. You probably won't be able to do anything to help if you go over right now in a panic. You'd be better off waiting a few weeks to get a better idea of what is happening.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 21/02/2021 15:57

Yes, I know I'm no help. My Dsis on the other hand can certainly help as she's a criminal lawyer but me? I can't do much apart from moral support. My DM definitely doesn't want me there.

OP posts:
RaveOnThisCrazyFeeling · 21/02/2021 15:59

As others have said, you are catastrophising and getting really far ahead of yourself here.

But if you do end up needing to go (if all the variable outcomes along the way end up going the way you're assuming they will), and you need to explain to the boss why you're requesting 2 weeks remote working from Mexico, or 2 week unpaid leave or whatever, why don't you say that your dad is in a residential facility? Prison is one type of residential facility and you're not responsible for the conclusion your boss jumps to if he assumes you mean a care home.

acrossthebrooklynbridge · 21/02/2021 16:02

I am a little shocked that visits to prisons are allowed, but visits to care homes and hospitals aren't. We cannot visit friends and relatives in their homes or welcome friends or relatives into ours. Grandparents can not see their grandchildren, or adult children, or parents, yet if I was in prison my children or grandchildren could visit me? Is that right? Surely not? I am sorry if I have missed the explanation for the above but it's all a bit strange somehow. But I wish the OP well.

Pickles89 · 21/02/2021 16:04

I'm confused as to why a prison visit is allowed? If law abiding citizens can't see their family at a friends why should criminals be a special case? That doesn't seem right to me!

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 21/02/2021 16:04

Best of luck, OP. This is a dreadful time for you.

LIZS · 21/02/2021 16:04

@acrossthebrooklynbridge

I am a little shocked that visits to prisons are allowed, but visits to care homes and hospitals aren't. We cannot visit friends and relatives in their homes or welcome friends or relatives into ours. Grandparents can not see their grandchildren, or adult children, or parents, yet if I was in prison my children or grandchildren could visit me? Is that right? Surely not? I am sorry if I have missed the explanation for the above but it's all a bit strange somehow. But I wish the OP well.
Op is not talking about UK prison though.