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Does anyone NOT have an inner critic?

215 replies

HorseGallopingOnATomato · 14/02/2021 20:48

Is it possible?

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 17/02/2021 19:31

I suppose that's something Inastatus. There is a down side to having a tiny critical voice, I have no real work ethic to speak of, if it weren't for things needing to get done I'd just lie in a sun beam all day and do nothing, forever.

Echobelly · 17/02/2021 19:34

Not really TBH. Occasionally I have an acute outburst if something specific has happened that made me feel bad or guilty, but not on a day-to-day basis. I don't really have imposter syndrome, but then I don't have a very senior or responsible job, so it'd be a bit over the top to have imposter syndrome about it. I'm pretty confident about my parenting - it's good enough and that's what matters - so I don't think I've ever experience 'mum guilt' about my parenting choices.

Riojasmoothy · 17/02/2021 19:50

If my husband asks what I am thinking about, I often say nothing. It's so much easier than unravelling the bizarre train of thought that led to me thinking about whether garden worms fall in love or similarly weird stuff. My brain is never a quiet place.
My inner voice is loud and unfortunately negative, so will definitely be trying some of the ideas to change it.

JanuaryJonez · 17/02/2021 20:16

I have a big ego but a big inner critic too - I thought that was normal and everyone was like that.

When things are going well, I'm sort of like "Aren't you just amazing!", but when things aren't going so well I'm overly harsh on myself I think.

JanuaryJonez · 17/02/2021 20:19

@BarbarasStripedHands that's got to be impossible! I think he's just explaining it in a weird way.

Riojasmoothy · 17/02/2021 20:34

[quote JanuaryJonez]@BarbarasStripedHands that's got to be impossible! I think he's just explaining it in a weird way. [/quote]
My daughter said when she reads, she hears her voice saying the words but doesn't visualise the story.

Riojasmoothy · 17/02/2021 20:35

Hears her voice in her head, like a narrator that is. Not actually reading out loud.

Lookingforwardto2021 · 17/02/2021 20:38

@HorseGallopingOnATomato

This is incredible! I’m so grateful for everyone’s answers! I had no idea that it was possible to live without this voice. I thought it was always a question of moderating and ignoring it, and that’s what therapy was for...
I think everyone has a chattering mind. Whether it criticises, praises or prattles on about mundane stuff.

It you can just observe it, without trying to shut it or reason with it. Then you will gain peace.

It is like an itch or a scab. Engaging with it will just up the crescendo (parson the mixed metaphors 😃)

I am super obsessive. And my mind would criticise and I found CBT and reasoning with my mind.all exhausting and I felt bad that I could t control my mind.

Now I accept it does its own thing, builds its own narratives. It seems to impact me less.

And I also do regular exercise, breathing and have a healthish diet as a way to stay even

AubergineDream · 17/02/2021 20:44

My inner voice used to be so loud and so critical as I child I was baffled that nobody else could hear it!

These days I go whole hours without a moment of inner criticism. I get a whole day of nothing but my inner critic once a month when I have PMT, and occasionally I get little bits of it, but it's not often. At one point that inner critic ruled everything I did. I had terrible anxiety, and the bully in my head would just not let me rest.

Now I sleep at night. I can do yoga and meditate (I couldn't sit quietly at all before), and enjoy activities throughout the day. I enjoy most of my work. I enjoy spending time with my children. It's still sometimes, but it's like a dripping tap in the background, not the great flood of endless criticism I used to live with.

AubergineDream · 17/02/2021 20:49

Some people do have no internal monologue at all! It is a thing! And some people can't see images in their mind (aphantasia)

FourTeaFallOut · 17/02/2021 20:54

Some people do have no internal monologue at all!

How do they decide to do anything?

AubergineDream · 17/02/2021 21:22

I have absolutely no idea. And there lockdown must have been boring as hell!

MistleTOEboughski · 17/02/2021 21:46

It's hard to imagine not having that inner monologue I must say, if you have it. I certainly like having it if I can keep it under control and stay positive.

AubergineDream · 17/02/2021 23:10

Yes it's great when there's a cheerleader not a critic in there!

EvieBoo2 · 17/02/2021 23:24

My inner critic is so bad that some days it literally wants to kill me.

sugarcherry · 18/02/2021 02:37

My inner voice mocks, shames and criticizes. I never realized so many people have one. This thread is a revelation.

TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 18/02/2021 08:39

@FourTeaFallOut

Some people do have no internal monologue at all!

How do they decide to do anything?

Lol

Quite successfully - because we're not distracted by a monologue 😉.

Seriously though, having talked about this for years with those friends and family that do have it, I know how hard it is for you to accept some of us just don't. It took me a while to accept that it was perfectly normal for many people to have it.

I can't imagine living with a noisy mind, how exhausting it must be.

When I need to make a decision I think through options. Sometimes I will have a thought, or realisation, out of blue, the classic "in the shower" moment - but for a lot of the time it's just quiet in my head. My thoughts, most of the time, are experienced as things that are under my control. I can choose to think about things or not. If I walk the dog I might take it as thinking time, or I might just enjoy the view with no conscious thoughts.

One night last week I was worried about something family related, woke in the early hours and was unable to sleep, I kept thinking about the problem. That's really unusual for me, not to be able to turn off the thoughts, it was horrible, I don't know how people cope with it.

TheGratefulWitchCried · 18/02/2021 15:44

This thread is really interesting. I've always had a strong inner critic, though I don't feel it came from my mum who always told me how loved I was etc, possibly a bit from my dad who whilst he was loving also had a short temper. However I think school experiences involving being bullied greatly added to it.

Over the past year I've been seeing the Eating Disorders Team with a diagnosis of anorexia. When I first went to them, they spoke about 'the voice of anorexia' and how important it was to recognise when it was anorexia talking in my brain. I found that really hard to accept, and didn't really believe the diagnosis - I didn't have this 'voice' in my head, I wasn't ill, it was just me being stupid.

It's taken many months,and a lot of reading, talking, CBT but I think I understand it kind of now. It is 'me', 'my ' inner voice, but it's massively exacerbated by anorexia.

The revelation came when I read someone's blog, she spoke about how, if someone was in an abusive relationship, with a partner who constantly criticised them, called them lazy, greedy, fat, said 'why did you eat that biscuit, it'll just make you fatter!', 'you need to do more exercise!', 'look at you, your stomach looks huge!', then they will start to believe it. How anyone would feel pretty rubbish if someone constantly spoke to them like that.

But what if that's your own inner voice constantly telling you that? I'd like to think if I was in a relationship like that I'd leave them, but you can't leave your own inner voice. Now I'm trying to use some of the CBT techniques to try to deal with it, but it's not easy.

SpudsandGravy · 18/02/2021 19:34

I don't think Donald Trump showed any sign of having an inner critic :-)

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 18/02/2021 19:40

TheGratefulWitchCried - it sounds like you're doing all the right things, and you're obviously working hard at it. I think that inner voice can come from places other than your parents. Mine is quite often my mother-in-law's voice or my sister-in-law's voice. My sister definitely hears her MIL and SIL.

A counsellor I saw described me as 'beating myself up' when I allowed my inner voice to bully me. I'd express what I was thinking, and she'd say 'You're beating yourself up again.'

I still think about that phrase a lot when I find myself being overly critical of myself.

Bogoroditse · 18/02/2021 19:51

I have been working hard at my (constant) inner critic. I'm doing a wonderful mental health for mums course right now. One of the techniques is giving a persona to the inner critic. Mine has a double chin, a moustache, ugly glasses and BO. Alongside my inner critic I have now also got a wise elder, who is kind of a fusion of my mum, grandmas and myself when old, and a bouncy cheerleader. When inner critic gets going, I am trying to look her in her ugly eyes, tell her I hear her but I'm in charge, she is welcome to come along for the ride but I'm driving. My wise elder gently encourages me and is proud of me, and my cheerleader gets her pom poms out and does a dance when I shut my ugly inner critic up. It makes me laugh when I go through this little scenario and usually gets me out of whatever slump I'm descending into. I might extend this to gagging her and shoving her in the boot next. She really is horrible.

Mindlesspuzzles · 18/02/2021 19:56

I definitely have an inner critic. Sometimes worse than other times. Recently there's been chanting in my head , v negative thoughts - everyone hates you , that sort of thing. Maybe it's lockdown, not enough to distract me.
Mum was very non stop critism of me as a child.

Backtobacktheyfacedeachother · 18/02/2021 20:40

I can't imagine living with a noisy mind, how exhausting it must be

It really, really is Sad how I would love a bit of quiet.

Theeffectofthevaccine · 18/02/2021 21:41

I suppose that's something Inastatus. There is a down side to having a tiny critical voice, I have no real work ethic to speak of, if it weren't for things needing to get done I'd just lie in a sun beam all day and do nothing, forever.

I love this, I suspect I'm the same..

Bigsighall · 18/02/2021 21:48

No I don’t. I’m pretty confident and am ok with myself which probably isn’t popular but it is what it is. I have an internal monologue tho!

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