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Original poster

Does anyone NOT have an inner critic?

215 replies

HorseGallopingOnATomato · 14/02/2021 20:48

Is it possible?

OP posts:
zeddybrek · 14/02/2021 22:28

My inner critic is always telling me to stop eating when I'm not hungry and I don't listen. Then I eat something and she makes me feel bad. I hate her and wish she would shut up.

Or she tells me person X doesn't like me because I voiced my opinion and they are offended by me. So I lose my confidence.

Thank you for starting this thread OP. That felt quite cathartic.

Eckhart · 14/02/2021 22:28

@vincettenoir

I think a lot of the people who don’t seem to have an inner critic block it out by blaming others for whatever might have made them feel uncomfortable.
I'd say they're the ones with the worst inner critic. They'll do anything to defend themselves from fault, so they have to loudly blame others, rather than listen to the inner voice telling them they're responsible.
the80sweregreat · 14/02/2021 22:28

I'm not good enough. (My voice is very harsh. )
I'm not good looking , I'm not clever , I wished I stuck at a career and not given up to concentrate on the children home and dh. I wished I had tried harder at school and not been an idiot over men when younger : on and on it goes.
It's been worse since lockdown for sure! Or maybe it's an age thing too?

ThaimForTea · 14/02/2021 22:29

@HorseGallopingOnATomato nope I don’t.
It really baffles me, and makes me sad a little, that others do have this.
There is no voice in my head putting me down. No internal voice at all. I’m grateful for this.

Eckhart · 14/02/2021 22:30

I think it's an addiction and it stays, and can get worse, if you allow it to.

Confuzzlediddled · 14/02/2021 22:31

I don't have an inner voice at all, I also can't visualise in my head, I always thought things like counting sheep were metaphorical rather than actually seeing sheep ( no wonder just counting never sent me to sleep!) I don't have perfect self esteem though, just silence.

the80sweregreat · 14/02/2021 22:32

Someone once told me I was 'thick'
It's stayed with me for over twenty years!
I know it's not true , but why can't I be more Elsa and 'let it go! '
Self loathing can be really awful.

Original poster
HorseGallopingOnATomato · 14/02/2021 22:34

This is incredible! I’m so grateful for everyone’s answers! I had no idea that it was possible to live without this voice. I thought it was always a question of moderating and ignoring it, and that’s what therapy was for...

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 14/02/2021 22:38

I did have a bit of 'talking therapy' but I didn't think it helped me really. Not sure why. I guess I wanted her to tell me how to get over the low self esteem but it soon became apparent that I needed to do it myself. It was a light bulb moment : nobody can do this apart from me.
I did improve a bit but this last year' the voice 'has been worse than ever. I think I'll have to live with it!

TitInATrance · 14/02/2021 22:39

I have an inner voice but it’s much quieter these days and not generally critical (it was when I was younger). Might be because I’m generally better behaved now. It is rather despondent and negative at the moment though.

4LeafClover21 · 14/02/2021 22:43

Try reading a few of Linda Field's books. Amazing advice on this type of issue [heart]

4LeafClover21 · 14/02/2021 22:44

OMG I'm new to netmums! Ignore the word heart lol!! I thought it would show a heart emoji instead!

bumblingbovine49 · 14/02/2021 22:49

@BarbarasStripedHands

My husband doesn't have one but I definitely do.

He was also astounded the other day that when people read books, they 'see' the scene and the characters. To him, it's just words, he doesn't visualise anything.

He's and avid reader and to think he doesn't experience that, baffles me.

I don't see on pictures either. I was astonished when DH told me he does. I often skip overly long visually descriptive text in books about places etc because it is hard for me to visualise it
ZZTopGuitarSolo · 14/02/2021 22:56

@vincettenoir

I think a lot of the people who don’t seem to have an inner critic block it out by blaming others for whatever might have made them feel uncomfortable.
On the contrary - when I had an inner critic, she usually had someone else's voice, not my own. I blamed others for things that they weren't even thinking about me.

I seem to have got past that stage in my life, thankfully.

noego · 14/02/2021 22:57

The problem is not that you are hearing the inner voice.
The problem is that you believe what it is saying!!

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 14/02/2021 22:57

I don't see on pictures either. I was astonished when DH told me he does. I often skip overly long visually descriptive text in books about places etc because it is hard for me to visualise it

I find this stuff fascinating - how the brain works and how we process information.

I'm almost the opposite. If I can't visualise it then I really struggle. I need those visual descriptions to make sense of things.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 14/02/2021 22:58

@LadyJaye

I've taken to thinking of my inner critic as Donald Trump.

Now, whenever it says something, I'm like OMG SHUT UP TRUMP YOU ORANGE NAZI and it works amazingly well.

I love this so much.
storminasnowglobe · 14/02/2021 23:23

@WillowSummerSloth

Do you think it's the voice you were spoken to when you were a child? I had very lovely parents so I tend to think very positive things about myself and I think it's their voices I'm replicating. I always internally praise myself for doing my best (even if I'm feeling a bit anxious, I'm still mostly quite kind to myself) And randomly, I always think 'what a lovely face' when I look on the mirror. I'm cringing writing that because it's not by any stretch of the imagination that I'm beautiful but I think it's my mum's voice in my head and it's lovely because it's mine.
This is so lovely and made me a bit teary.

I have a vicious inner voice who tells me I am a fat stupid idiot constantly. On the rare occasions that I start to feel happy or relaxed it will pop up to remind me of all my flaws and why I should never let my guard down to be happy (cos that's when something bad will happen. I never heard any of these things directly from my parents but they were emotionally and physically distant (as a result of a family tragedy that occurred when I was a toddler, really not their fault, they were just trying their best to cope and survive). Perhaps in my case the lack of parental voice and the fear/confusion/?guilt around the situation led my brain to fill the void in this extremely negative way.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 14/02/2021 23:32

I have a very quiet mind. There are times when I think how quiet it is and that's because I'm sitting in a silent house (not recently, ofc) and am not thinking of anything.

I don't love myself but neither do I hate myself and whilst I look at my body and think about how fat I am I don't think I hate it or tell myself how I'm rubbish or don't deserve xyz.

I know I'm good at some things and not great at others. I have confidence in my abilities but it is easily knocked.

NiceGerbil · 14/02/2021 23:41

'He is a nice person, but he powers on through life never looking back.. I'm the opposite,'

I'm like this tbh.

Some of the recent posters have mentioned aphantasia. I have this! The no pictures thing. Apparently it's 1 in 20 people so not uncommon.

I used to sit in things like. Close your eyes and imagine you're on a beach. Look out to sea. There's a boat etc etc.

I had no idea others could visualise this! I would sit there quietly thinking about these things but with no visuals- just black. I kind of wondered if I was doing something wrong or missing something but of course I had no idea what it might be!

It also made me think a lot about learning. It explains a lot about what I was good at or not at school. Recently I thought, maybe this is why I don't get poetry. The phrase painting a picture in your mind. Erm nope.

Sorry OP gone off track!

Ingvermama · 14/02/2021 23:47

Mine is constant and super loud 😔

wirldsgonemad · 15/02/2021 00:07

Mine is first person and not too bad, more like, I need to do x, now I need to do y, now I need to do z, I need to do a, I need to do b. I actually have adhd and have the longest to do list ever and never complete anything 🤷‍♀️

RacheyCat · 15/02/2021 01:17

I do have an inner critic, and it does tend to drift to second person vocalizations, which I think it a little dangerous, but it says very nice things as well as awful things, which makes it harder for me to abandon it. So, for example, when I'm at a yoga class, this voice is saying, "You're doing great!" or "You're the best in the room!", but then might start saying "Oh my god, focus though, RacheyCat! Don't fucking fall over because you've started thinking about how brilliant you are. JESUS CHRIST. Get a grip".

mywifi · 15/02/2021 01:35

Mines more of a character assassin than an inner critic, wish she'd fuck of Grin

the80sweregreat · 15/02/2021 08:49

I do 'see' the characters in a book and even if the author doesn't describe them in any great detail I'll still 'see' them , but fill in my own gaps!
I can visualize scenes in vivid colour and can place myself there. It's good to daydream I think as it does keep the inner voice quiet!
It's my experience that it's mostly women that can do this and men don't or can't but maybe that's just the people I know!