Does anyone NOT have an inner critic?

[HorseGallopingOnATomato]

Is it possible?

Agree with CBT

There is a message in there that says, basically, you’d never let someone else call you useless / crap / worthless etc so why do you let yourself do it? It goes on to basically internally disregard any of that negative speak (even out loud you say NO THANK YOU firmly) and replace it with more positive affirmations

I definitely do not.

My inner critic is horrendous. DP has no idea what I’m on about when we discuss it because he doesn’t have one. I find that amazing, puzzling and wonderful! I can’t help but wonder if girls are more likely to be overly self critical because of the way we are raised and society’s attitude towards females generally.

@ShirleyPhallus

Agree with CBT

There is a message in there that says, basically, you’d never let someone else call you useless / crap / worthless etc so why do you let yourself do it? It goes on to basically internally disregard any of that negative speak (even out loud you say NO THANK YOU firmly) and replace it with more positive affirmations

I have a slight variation on that which is no one could ever call me anything worse than I’ve called myself. So if people don’t like me or criticise me I tend to agree with them. It doesn’t hurt me and strangely makes life so much easier.

I don’t have an inner critic. The only inner voice I have encourages me to be reckless! Like “forget the bills this month and blow the money on something nice”, or “jump on a plane to Italy and meet the man you’ve been talking to on Facebook” (yes I did do this a few years ago and it was fine, but it was reckless). I have to force myself to be sensible and that’s becoming easier with age. But I still do sometimes slip up. I mean things haven’t always turned out bad, sometimes it’s good to be spontaneous and just do something unexpected. But sensible me does have to fight reckless me at times. Especially when it comes to finances.

It's strange , but I know two women who said they never had this inner critic. The one I mentioned down thread just blames everyone else ( her partner and his parents ,mostly) and one who has very high esteem ( not a bad thing of course, but she can be very blunt at times and tends to be a ' do as I say , not as I do ' sort and her empathy levels are more on a mans level !)
If they do have any insecurities, they cover it up very well or just don't let on.

I think it's how your parents think about themselves too, their confidence or self esteem.

Very interesting thread, had never occurred to me that other people might not be living with a bitch of an inner critic inside their head. I might ask DH later if he has one. Mine talks in the second person e.g "you really fucked that, you idiot." Mine is also going through phases of persuading me everyone would be better off without me which is worrying.

I love the person on the first page who now things of her inner critic as Donald Trump and talks back accordingly. That's amazing. I wish I could follow your example and do that too.

Someone earlier questioned whether the inner critic might come from how your parents spoke to you. I think mine is definitely an extension of that. My mother is very critical and was when I was a child and I have probably internalised her critical voice and added to it.

I did some self-hypnosis a few years ago to cut down on drinking, and the person whose book I read and cds I listened to identified the "inner critic" as part of the whole self-destructive loop you can get into - which is pretty much the same with food. You have several drinks, you feel like crap and your inner critic points out you're a total failure, so you have another drink etc etc. Being kind to yourself is pretty much the starting point to get out of that loop.

I don’t. Not in an arrogant way or that I blame others for things, but if something goes wrong my inner voice talks to me as I would talk to a friend. I’m extremely empathetic though (probably to a fault!) and nasty words never help a situation.

If I get upset about something stupid I’ve done it’s more a teasing “whoops you tit”, but the voice is joking with me to lighten the mood!

I had this chat with a close friend a few years ago who has an incredibly harsh inner critic. I told her to imagine it was me she was talking to in her head, and she said it’s helped! Because she’d never shout or swear at more over something objectively trivial.

Be kind to yourself! The world can be mean enough without you turning on yourselves.

I have really bad inner critic. I had incredibly critical and then neglectful parents as a child but this thread points out just how bad it is in comparison to some!

I don't think the compelte opposite is good though. My dad goes through life with no regrets and thinks all his decisions are Correct and Right and has 0 empathy for anyone else. He's quite happy himself but makes a crap father.

Ive just started a book on self compassion whcih looks great.

I think it is a lot of work to undo what are basically words spoken in your formative years. You can't just tell your brain to be different and it changes if there's a lot of undoing.

Theres a lot of work around ACEs which i think ties in - its shocking how having a difficult childhood can affect you for so long as an adult (who will put themselves forward for promotion/a good job and hwo is more likely to be riddled with anxiety...)

I don't have an inner critic but I do have an inner voice. It doesn't judge me, it is me. It displays the same characteristics: calm, mostly logical with a tendency to be melodramatic when hormonal, sometimes serious sometimes silly.

If something goes wrong, I'm quite good at separating emotions from logical thoughts which really helps. Sometimes I write reflectively to help this process. I find that helps separate out and deal with unhelpful thoughts. I tend to be very situational and think "that was a bad way to handle that situation" rather than "I am a bad person for doing that". Thinking about it as I write, I guess that's way most schools of parenting thought tell you to criticise the action not the person.

@badlydrawnbear

Very interesting thread, had never occurred to me that other people might not be living with a bitch of an inner critic inside their head. I might ask DH later if he has one. Mine talks in the second person e.g "you really fucked that, you idiot." Mine is also going through phases of persuading me everyone would be better off without me which is worrying.

I love the person on the first page who now things of her inner critic as Donald Trump and talks back accordingly. That's amazing. I wish I could follow your example and do that too.

Someone earlier questioned whether the inner critic might come from how your parents spoke to you. I think mine is definitely an extension of that. My mother is very critical and was when I was a child and I have probably internalised her critical voice and added to it.

Certainly some of mine comes from my father calling me lazy every time I was tired when I was ill. But most of it is just my life experience and me reliving the daily humiliations of my life.

I do genuinely hate myself at times.
I hate how I handled things in the past. It pulls me down to be honest. You can't change the past but I wished I could go back and do things differently maybe? It's silly because you can't.
My inner critical voice tells me off a lot.
How can you switch it off? That's a tough one.

Yes!!! It used to be constant! Iv been working on ignoring over the last few years.....about 2 years ago I decided to give 'it' a name...

So I called him Clive the C@nt!!!

So now when I hear him moaning I just tell him to f off! Makes it so much easier not to listen!

My inner voice is my best friend. She's never critical, but usually helps me examine problems and come up with solutions. She also provides a type of counselling and just someone to talk to.

I don't have a voice inside my head. I recently thought that it was just a saying and only found out you all have an inner voice! I also can't see images in my head. If I'm reading a book, I cant imagine what it looks like but my friends say when they read it's like they are watching a film in their head!

Pretty shit for me tbh! I'd love that! Must have been so much eaiser in exams to shut my eyes and bring up the picture of my text book!

My thoughts about myself are positive, accepting and mildly egotistical. To be fair my thoughts about other people are the same, I don't feel critical of others either very often and have an annoying capacity to see things from a variety of viewpoints or that there are no easy answers (and so sit on the political fence).

I don't visualise either. I do have a voice in my head - but it's me. I think in thoughts (duh) but it's like a thought "voice". I hear everything as I'm typing it, but it's not like I properly hear it, I just sort of hear it. I hear it in my head. I don't know how to explain it.

@BaggoMcoys

I don't visualise either. I do have a voice in my head - but it's me. I think in thoughts (duh) but it's like a thought "voice". I hear everything as I'm typing it, but it's not like I properly hear it, I just sort of hear it. I hear it in my head. I don't know how to explain it.

I hear 'the voice ' if I'm typing out anything. I also run through lists , it can be helpful to formulate a plan of action or what order to do things. It can be a positive thing ( mine is mostly negative though) I guess it is just ' thinking' that people are doing too. Maybe some think louder than others? I 'live ' in my head too much I suppose!

@LadyJaye

I've taken to thinking of my inner critic as Donald Trump.

Now, whenever it says something, I'm like OMG SHUT UP TRUMP YOU ORANGE NAZI and it works amazingly well.

I think Trump is an example of someone who DOESN'T have an inner critic and should do.

I have an inner voice but mostly she is fab to me/I am fab to myself.

The voice is sometimes just my thoughts and other time it's separate to my thoughts and might comment on them. She used to be unkind but I just decided not to be that way and to actively make the voice say kind things. I started with simple statements of encouragement. Telling myself 'well done' for planning ahead or for remembering a friend. Now it is so second nature that she is more like me on my best day, there helping me out with the days when in not my best. Like a firm but fair aunty. Anyway, for those who have a men inner voice, it can be changed.

I suspect i don't have one. How would you know?
I have an inner puzzler. Life is a puzzle.