Does anyone NOT have an inner critic?

[HorseGallopingOnATomato]

Is it possible?

It was certainly internalised abuse in my case. My parents regularly criticised and hit me and my sister, systematically destroying our self esteem.
What cured me was a) going no contact with my parents and
b) having CBT with an excellent therapist, who gave me a replacement mantra to say in my head, whenever the critical voice started up. Interestingly, he was foreign, and I still “hear” that mantra, and the relaxation exercises, in his foreign accent!

My inner critic sometimes explodes out of my mouth in a swear word - does anyone else have this? Going over a slightly cringey conversation or an embarrassing memory, and she'll/I'll exclaim "Oh you arsehole!" or some such. It's directed at me.

I'm trying to counter it by saying nice things, but it's hard work.

In 'how to talk to little kids will listen' they say the way to speak to your children will become their inner voice. I try to speak to my son really nicely!!

Oh God that's a sobering thought under lockdown Neversleeping when we've all been a bit short-tempered.

Mines a right killjoy. She needs to butt out!

I'd happily strangle mine

Mine never shuts up just rabbiting on in general, it's exhausting

I have an inner soother, that reassures me that I'm okay despite being imperfect and that nobody is as good as they think they are. I forgive myself for the stupid things I do - because everybody does stupid things.
I also had a kind mum, and I'm sure I get this soothing voice from her.

I also have a full running commentary going all day every day, now I need to do the laundry, next I'll make the beds, oh I'd better call my boss, my son needs new trainers. Its very hard to concentrate on one thing because my mind keeps throwing the full list at me. The only thing that turns it off is listening to the radio or TV, to replace my voice with someone else's. I'd love a quiet mind.

I switched mine off when I was 19. I didn’t think in English for around 6 months while living in Italy, and when I came back it was gone. I think it enabled me to break habits of thinking. I don’t have an inner sycophant either, it’s pretty quiet in there most of the time. I don’t have a voice in my head when reading either.

I’m just me in my head it’s a voice but it’s just one voice. Like others have said it’s often a narrative just running through jobs or what to cook for dinner.
I sometimes consider negative things like was I unkind when I spoke to so and so or god I look like an old hag,but it’s always myself not a nasty voice and a kind voice.
I don’t do a lot of self criticism I think you need to learn to mother yourself and support yourself if you do.
I don’t know how you do that but you need to have your own back be kind to you tell that voice to shut the fuck up and mentally muscle it aside.
Sure we can be constructive like me and the old hag comment I sort of think it in a jokey way like must use more moisturiser not in a people will laugh at you looking like an old hag kind of way.

@WillowSummerSloth

Do you think it's the voice you were spoken to when you were a child? I had very lovely parents so I tend to think very positive things about myself and I think it's their voices I'm replicating. I always internally praise myself for doing my best (even if I'm feeling a bit anxious, I'm still mostly quite kind to myself) And randomly, I always think 'what a lovely face' when I look on the mirror. I'm cringing writing that because it's not by any stretch of the imagination that I'm beautiful but I think it's my mum's voice in my head and it's lovely because it's mine.

I didn't realise an inner critic was a "thing".

I'm the same as @WillowSummerSloth, I can catch myself in the mirror and think "Oh you're looking good today"

And I know I can do anything I want to do, if I put my mind to it. My mum told me how wonderful I was. How loved I was. How proud she was of me. How special. Every single day.

I just hope my children don't grow up with that inner critic, sounds so sad. Wish there was a magic want to get rid of it all for you.

I am overly self critical and do talk down to myself. I really should read the chimp paradox.
I’ve have a horse and have been working on my showjumping. My instructor commented on how well I was improving after a few sessions. I said that I had gone home and ‘re-ridden’ the jumps I did wrong in my mind and how I could have done them better. She said I shouldn’t think like that, I should have thought about all those that I rode successfully. Makes so much sense.

I read this as "inner circle" and was just criticising myself for losing touch with friends

I'd say my inner monologue is more of a cheerleader, saying encouraging things to me and patting me on the back for getting through difficult situations. It must be hard work and draining living with an inner critic instead!

Fascinating thread I also had no idea some people’s brains berate and criticise themselves in this way it does sound exhausting - my inner self is usually quiet or just practical and focused on tasks etc. I am also very kind to myself and am my own cheerleader as a few others have also said. I wonder if there’s a correlation between perfectionist tendencies and the inner critic (I’m a ‘just good enough’ type person not a perfectionist).

I think its another reason why people assume people can help themselves out of homelessness/low income/obesity whatever deprivation it is this week where people want to blame the individual.

If you hear what their inner dialogue is like (especially anyone with high ACEs or depression/anxiety etc or who has been through trauma etc) life can be so difficult for them already. And you cant just say "well stop doing that then" as its an inner voice, as much a part of them as anything else. 30 years of being told you're crap wither by your parents or when the inner voice takes over takes some undoing. It is might might unfair for those who experirenced abusive childhoods as you suffer then and then again as an adult. It affects so much.

My mother didn't tell me I was crap in so many words, nor was she abusive. She told herself she was worthless though, and that was a powerful example.

I have a very severe inner critic. I've seen several counsellors over the past 27 years and they've all told me the same thing. It definitely started with my mother, and because I bought into it so much, at some level I could never tell the difference between justified and unjustified criticism from other people.

But what makes our parents such severe critics in the first place? Is it because we fail to live out their own dreams of what they could have or should have been?

@TryingNotToPanicOverCovid

I think its another reason why people assume people can help themselves out of homelessness/low income/obesity whatever deprivation it is this week where people want to blame the individual.

If you hear what their inner dialogue is like (especially anyone with high ACEs or depression/anxiety etc or who has been through trauma etc) life can be so difficult for them already. And you cant just say "well stop doing that then" as its an inner voice, as much a part of them as anything else. 30 years of being told you're crap wither by your parents or when the inner voice takes over takes some undoing. It is might might unfair for those who experirenced abusive childhoods as you suffer then and then again as an adult. It affects so much.

Yes - I’ve never really thought about this before but I think this is all true.

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid, that is so true. It is like trying to build a house on rotten and subsiding foundations- it doesn’t matter how much effort, or how good the bricks and tiles are, the house is doomed unless someone gets in there and does some serious remedial work and underpinning!
I feel that is what a good therapist does. They get you to explore the damage to the foundations of your ego structure, and give you the tools to repair it. And that is transformative for the whole “house”.

That's a really good analogy. I get so frustrated when people who are struggling are blamed (yet again confirming the individual's self belief that they are failing etc.)

This thread is bonkers. No I don't have an inner critic!

I think for me there is often a big gap between my intellectual ability and my physical abilities and life skills. So I often see people who are seemingly similar to me but so much more capable and it's hard not to judge yourself by that standard. I'm often thinking everyone else can do this, why can't I?

Lucky for you mmgirish!

I saw a lovely illustration today from a mh education charity. It was a cup of tea - "anxiety/tea" and it had lots of thought bubbles "Am I hot enough? Was I brewed long enough? What if they don't like me? Was there enough milk?" Maybe the inner critic version would include "Oh I never get this right, this will go like that time x years ago when I got it wrong, maybe best not to offer the cup of tea..."