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Original poster

Does anyone NOT have an inner critic?

215 replies

HorseGallopingOnATomato · 14/02/2021 20:48

Is it possible?

OP posts:
MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 17/02/2021 17:03

Eg @mmgirish Grin

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 17/02/2021 17:04

@TryingNotToPanicOverCovid

I think there can be negatives in the other directuon though, some people are so full of themselves they become entitled or just unaware of others feelings or sensitive to their suffering.
Oops! Quote didn't't attach for some reason.

(God I'm so stupid etc)

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid · 17/02/2021 17:07

Grin Grin Grin

Eckhart · 17/02/2021 17:14

@mmgirish

This thread is bonkers. No I don't have an inner critic!
What do you think is bonkers about it? Do you not think it's common to have an inner critic? Most people do.
Rosetrees · 17/02/2021 17:30

I find this so interesting - I have an inner critic who makes me anxious and unsure at work, and I often feel like I have imposter syndrome due to her. However she is kind to me about my appearance, friendships and how I parent my children... although I'm sure I'm very average!

I have wonderful loving kind parents, but my mum is always putting herself down and has low self esteem. Sometimes my inner voice is definitely mimicking this.

I try very hard not to belittle myself in front of my children as I definitely think their inner critic will be shaped by me.

Eckhart · 17/02/2021 17:46

@TrojaninTroy

But what makes our parents such severe critics in the first place? Is it because we fail to live out their own dreams of what they could have or should have been

I don't think it's anything to do with us as individuals. It's to do with their own unhappiness/dissatisfaction in life. When you think about it, miserable people can find misery even in the best of things. You know, 'the sunny, peaceful beach is too sandy, it's getting in my clothes', 'my luxury ice cream is too cold', 'this beautiful countryside walk with people I love is too tiring', 'my purse is too small to hold all my money' etc. There's nothing wrong with the things. It's the perception that's at fault.

TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 17/02/2021 17:52

[quote ThaimForTea]@HorseGallopingOnATomato nope I don’t.
It really baffles me, and makes me sad a little, that others do have this.
There is no voice in my head putting me down. No internal voice at all. I’m grateful for this.[/quote]
same here - I remember having this conversation about 40 yrs ago with exH and some friends. I was the only one who didn't have any inner voice, it's really quiet in my head. Then I talked to my best friend, and she doesn't have an inner voice either.

ExH would ask "what are you thinking?" when I was quiet - he just couldn't understand that I was telling the truth when I said "nothing" - sometimes I'm just not thinking about anything. I do HAVE thoughts, and I'm aware of them, but not all of the time and it doesn't feel like a voice in any way, it's just my own thoughts.

Inastatus · 17/02/2021 17:55

@mmgirish

This thread is bonkers. No I don't have an inner critic!
@mmgirish - just because you don’t understand something or haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it’s ‘bonkers’. How narrow-minded!
Eckhart · 17/02/2021 17:56

@TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish

Do you ever have thoughts that judge you? Thoughts, perhaps, where you're not sure if you should feel guilty about something or you did the right thing, for example?

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 17/02/2021 17:59

I have one that makes me think I'm better , funnier, smarter and better looking than I actually am .. sometimes it's a shock when I look in the mirror 🤣 but it's better than the opposite !

MistleTOEboughski · 17/02/2021 18:09

It's really interesting to read that some people don't have an inner voice or monologue and just shows how differently our brains can work. My inner voice is always chattering away as if I am talking to someone else, not always negatively. I don't usually talk to myself critically as if to another person (eg why can't you get that right) but I feel disappointed in myself and think "omg I really wish I could do this it shows how useless I am that I can't after so many years think how much better life would be if I could".

TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 17/02/2021 18:21

[quote Eckhart]@TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish

Do you ever have thoughts that judge you? Thoughts, perhaps, where you're not sure if you should feel guilty about something or you did the right thing, for example?[/quote]
I sometimes judge myself, and wonder if I did the right thing - but it seems odd to me to describe it as having "thoughts that judge you" as if they were separate from me. That's why I simply cannot identify with the idea of having a judgmental voice in my head. They are my thoughts and, for the most part, under my control. If I'm very anxious about something it might not feel that way, but I've never experienced it as anything other than my own thoughts.

I do wonder if there is an inherited component to this. ExH really suffered with intrusive thoughts and his inner critic. When it wasn't being a critic it seemed to have been hero-worshipping him and convincing him he could do no wrong. Two of our DC have suffered, at times, from intrusive inner voices. One was sectioned and is now on antipsychotic meds. Their experience went way beyond "inner critic" and was debilitating.

Ex's siblings all "got it" when we talked about inner critics, my siblings hadn't got a clue what we were talking about.

mmgirish · 17/02/2021 18:23

@Eckhart how would I know that "most" people had an inner critic? I can't hear the thoughts of other people. I also don't consider a thread on mumsnet to be an accurate survey of people's opinions of themselves.

I think it's bonkers to be continually critical of yourself. If you thought about it for long enough you might think that's bonkers too...

mmgirish · 17/02/2021 18:27

@Inastatus
I'm not narrow minded at all. Nor have I not understood anything. What I think is bonkers is that I find it unimaginable that people are so critical of themselves. These days people are so critical of others why add to that?

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid · 17/02/2021 18:31

Wow I hope you don't do any job that involves people. Or compassion or empathy or understanding.

Maybe have a google for a bit. Or do a mental health awareness course?

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid · 17/02/2021 18:32

And perhaps think on why it might not be a good idea to call someone who suffers from anxiety/low self esteem/constantly beating themselves up about perceived failings "bonkers."

FourTeaFallOut · 17/02/2021 18:32

No, not really. And my internal monologue is busy but it just doesn't not bug me very much. When the same nudge comes around frequently it usually means I have to change something rather than for the sake of being a dick.

badlydrawnbear · 17/02/2021 18:37

@PurrBox

My mother didn't tell me I was crap in so many words, nor was she abusive. She told herself she was worthless though, and that was a powerful example.
Now this is also an issue. My DC says “you are the best mummy ever,” and I replied “no, I’m not.” Because I think I am crap at being a mum. DH told me this was bad for DC to hear me say that. Incidentally, I asked DH if he has an inner critic after reading this thread yesterday, and was not surprised to discover he doesn’t.
mmgirish · 17/02/2021 18:37

@TryingNotToPanicOverCovid

And perhaps think on why it might not be a good idea to call someone who suffers from anxiety/low self esteem/constantly beating themselves up about perceived failings "bonkers."
I didn't call anyone bonkers...
mmgirish · 17/02/2021 18:40

@TryingNotToPanicOverCovid

Wow I hope you don't do any job that involves people. Or compassion or empathy or understanding.

Maybe have a google for a bit. Or do a mental health awareness course?

I think you should look at how judgemental your own statements are here.
TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 17/02/2021 18:40

[quote mmgirish]@Inastatus
I'm not narrow minded at all. Nor have I not understood anything. What I think is bonkers is that I find it unimaginable that people are so critical of themselves. These days people are so critical of others why add to that?
[/quote]
my understanding though, @mmgirish, after 40yrs of talking about this with my ex and family, is that people are not being self-critical - because it isn't experienced as self-criticism, it really does feel like a voice over which they have no control. They wish they could turn it off, but they can't.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 17/02/2021 18:45

@mmgirish do you think that people are consciously criticise themselves? On purpose?

Inastatus · 17/02/2021 18:53

@mmgirish - well I get that now you’ve explained it but that’s not what your first post implied. It is mad why we do it to ourselves but it’s not a conscious choice.

FourTeaFallOut · 17/02/2021 19:03

Honestly, I'm a little surprised that for some, self criticism is so loud that the thought of an internal monologue at all outside of it seems unlikely.

Inastatus · 17/02/2021 19:17

@FourTeaFallOut - mines not so bad as that. I try to keep her gagged and bound in the corner but she manages to escape sometimes!