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Original poster

Hidden phone

239 replies

wrigglewriggles · 02/02/2021 19:18

Possible reasons for my ex (who I unfortunately still have to live with) to be hiding a phone in my car?

OP posts:
Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 28/02/2021 10:24

I wonder if his offence could be cause to have him removed from the house (ie. recommended by the police)

Unfortunately not. I asked. Apparently it has to be something really serious for that to happen.

We have a few things to sort in the house and then it will be up for sale. This past year has put pressure on finances, like for many people, which is why it's not all moving as quickly as I would ideally like.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/02/2021 10:34

I would definitely go through your bedroom very carefully. So what is he asks what you are doing etc you can say anything from cleaning/tidying/packing/none of your business.

Remember cameras are tiny! Check the bathroom too.

Thanks
Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 28/02/2021 12:51

I would definitely go through your bedroom very carefully. So what is he asks what you are doing etc you can say anything from cleaning/tidying/packing/none of your business.

Now he knows I know I don't feel worried about searching.
I have asked him outright and of course he's denied it. If he did have something there hopefully he's had the good sense to remove it. Will be checking non the less.

OP posts:
MrsGarethSouthgate · 28/02/2021 20:42

So he was arrested then? If so, surely he has bail conditions not to contact you, and to live elsewhere?

Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 01/03/2021 05:15

No, not been arrested.
The police have the phone. Because it's his they had to call him to tell him they have it. I'm not sure if he's been in to be questioned yet. The police will put together he evidence and then pass that on to ... who decide if there's a case etc. I think if a case is brought against him then he has to be somewhere else.
We're not in the UK so I'm not sure if this process is the same as there. I never had anything to do with the police when in the UK and certainly didn't think I'd ever need to here either.

OP posts:
Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 03/03/2021 17:44

and so the inevitable "when are you going to drop the charges?" has been asked. "It's going to cost so much for a lawyer, I'll be finished in this country"

OP posts:
wandawombat · 03/03/2021 18:25

Meh, shouldn't have been a tit then...

RandomMess · 03/03/2021 18:32

Smile and ignore!!!!

He shouldn't have been a complete tit and done something illegal then all to try and get one over on you.

UrsulaBee · 03/03/2021 18:47

What a dick

okokok000 · 03/03/2021 19:08

@wrigglewriggles

and so the inevitable "when are you going to drop the charges?" has been asked. "It's going to cost so much for a lawyer, I'll be finished in this country"
Ignore him. Actions have consequences. He knew what he was doing and pushed ahead anyway. Cannot believe the audacity of him!

If you give in on this what else might he do?!

RandomMess · 09/03/2021 17:51

How are you?

Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 10/03/2021 03:38

am doing ok.

He would like me to give him some time so he can work on himself and fix his issues! I told him he needs to fix himself for him not in the hope of me giving us another chance as that is most unlikely to ever happen.

The police stuff now is all a waiting game to see if they do decide to press charges. They won't tell me anything when I call which is frustrating.
Also hate the knock on effect this will have on the children/our finances. His stupid actions and we all lose out. He sees it as being my fault. I should have just brought the phone to him and talked to him about it. He can't face up to the consequences of his own actions and take responsibility. I'm trying hard not to feel guilty for all this. It's not my fault, I didn't break the law but I'm the one left feeling bad.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/03/2021 08:05

I guess this is who he has always been - takes no responsibility, guilt tripping you etc etc

Engage less, refuse to discuss it with him beyond "it's over we're divorcing"

Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 10/03/2021 18:36

and so the true colours are back.

He's clearly been interviewed by the police today and by the way he's acting it didn't go as well as he had hoped it might.

I had started to feel sorry for him and like I had overreacted. I don't feel that way anymore. Just reminded of why I reported him.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/03/2021 19:12

No surprise!

okokok000 · 10/03/2021 20:59

Don't feel sorry for him. The creepy swine hid the phone banking on you not finding it. If you had gone to him, he would have just been more careful and ensure you didn't find it the second time round.

At best he was monitoring you, at worst he was hoping to gather info to use against you. He really doesn't deserve your sympathy.

This is on him. His choice. He needs to deal with the consequences. Totally not your fault.

okokok000 · 10/03/2021 21:00

And keep a record of his behaviour so you don't forget.

ClaryFairchild · 10/03/2021 21:01

Well done! What an arse, first recording you and then blaming you for getting into trouble for it. Clearly shows that he expects your role in life is to be forever running after him and cleaning up his mess no matter how awful he is....

Stay strong. We're here to hold your hand when're you need it!

Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 12/03/2021 15:55

He's an arse - that is all!

Playing the victim, trying to make me out to be the bad guy, saying things about me in front of the kids. It'll be a long weekend.

On a brighter note he has finally agreed to have the house valued so hooray for small steps to freedom.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 12/03/2021 18:18

@wrigglewriggles you’ve handled this so well, you know him and know what he’s capable off and you’re clear about his behaviour - both the abusive bits and the pattern of him apologising, trying to minimise his behaviour, the love bombing... you’re doing all you can just now to protect yourself and your children and in time can remove yourself and them from this awful situation. I just wanted to lend my support and say how much I admire you coping with all of this. I hope you have a safe weekend without too much unpleasantness.

notapizzaeater · 12/03/2021 18:21

Can you go out and stay away whilst he's like this ? You need to stay safe.

Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 12/03/2021 19:43

Oh, and he's started to ask if I'm recording his conversations with his family ... ummm, no, that's your department (idiot!)
I hope he sees the irony of his accusations.

OP posts:
Original poster
wrigglewriggles · 13/03/2021 13:07

@Jellycatspyjamas
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them. It's so hard to bite my tongue and not scream and shout at him. This shall pass, there is a distant light getting slowly brighter.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 13/03/2021 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

wandawombat · 13/03/2021 13:41

Yes, all things pass.

Do keep safe. Have a phone with you at all times. Does it have a silent emergency call function?