Lodger has a ONS in his room

[EachandEveryone]

And normally it wouldn’t bother me but he’s already bubbled with his TA at work. I knew something was a miss when I got up at 530 for work and one of the stray cats from out side was asleep on my kitchen chair! Normally he’s so good he lets me know if someone’s staying and he hasn’t had anyone over since this lockdown. Should I say anything I can hear them having a good time or should I just turn the radio up and get ready for work?😃

@cricketmum84

The black and white one looks well shifty! I've got my money on him being the pimp.

I wouldn't be at all surprised, they're well known for it. Why do you think they scratch up the cat litter, it's not to hide their poops, they usually have a stash of hidden money from their ill gotten gains.

Can you clarify what TA stands for, OP?
I am loving the idea of your lodger managing to bring home the whole of the Office for National Statistics....

Dont say anything! You could want to bring someone back soon and then he'll judge you like you judged him lol. Live and let live.

It's a sex cat. All the Toms have them.

The cats look very defiant in that pic. I wouldn't mess with them, they'd make short work of you then stroll out for their jellied eels.

Throw them into the deviant bedroom and let carnage ensue?

Is ten to nine on Sunday morning too early to shout 'CLASSICS!' ?

Roger the lodger. Nope. He rogered her.

The black cat is actually a red herring.

Due to a cracked screen, i read this as "The black cat is actually a red thong."

@MiaMc

Is the cat some sort of pimp?

I'm crying

@PurpleWh1teGreen

Shiiit we have been battling with squirrels in the loft. What the heck does that mean?

🤣🤣

This is starting to remind me of the book Master and Margarita. Does the black cat play poker and have a monocle?

OP how awful you’re being blamed for this. Even if I were annoyed I’d do as you do and leave it for after work, first to find out the details by directly asking who was there and then decide calmly what to say and how to deal with it.

@DearTeddyRobinson

A local kitten sneaked into our house the other day when I was bringing in the shopping. I immediately divorced my husband for sleeping with prostitutes. Or the Territorial Army. Anyway. Blasted cats!

Thanks MN crying laughing this early in the morning is good for the soul.

What's the cat got to do with it? I don't understand how the presence of the cat alerted you to this

I was coping with the cats, the Office for National Statistics, the territorial army and the teaching assistant but now there’s a red herring as well?

@hauntedvagina

Was really struggling to understand why the Office for National Statistics was in your lodgers room.

@Bluesheep8 I think he normally guards the house from cats or locks a door etc and the fact he hadn’t alerted the OP.

For gods sake what’s this thread turned into

@tatutata

You guys are all smoking some good shit.

Chance would be a fine thing.

Definitely a classic Damnloginpopup. It's got:

Sex
Coronavirus and the 'rules'
Lodger dilemmas
And cat photos

Purists might insist on the inclusion of a diagram of the flat marking the cats' position in the hall and kitchen to ensure classic status but I think that's asking for too much.

I am assuming the stray cat had been asked to act as a look out but couldn't be bothered and went to sleep instead.

Omg it’s a good job I’m in the office😄 there was a terrible yowl at 515 and I thought my two were fighting I was getting up for work anyway so I went to investigate. I put the kettle on and there was a black cat in me kitchen. Asleep but my one was screaming at him to get up. Then I thought “how did that cat get in the kitchen when I locked up last night. So I went to run a bath when I heard giggling in the lodgers room. And talking. And I thought he must be on the phone to Cuba. He is very international has boarded everywhere. So I went outside with my coffee to get some fresh air. When I came back I heard two voices and you know the rest. I then fed all the cats, put my face on and came to work.

My friend is very senior at the ONS. I'm quite shocked at her behaviour to be honest.

This really depends on whether it is a cockney cat or Russian spycat.

Hiss 'Behemoth' at it Each. See if it twiddles it's whiskers and grows in stature. If it eschews tuna, it's not Russian. What NHS secrets are you harbouring?

@Damnloginpopup

Fuck me! A cat in the kitchen means a prostitute in the bedroom?

I never, ever cease to be amazed by you lot.

😂😂😂

LTB

"put my face on and came to work"

This made me think of the OP as being like Arya in GoT...

Your lodger was on the phone to Cuba? First all of the Territorial Army and the Office for National Statistics, now a whole country? Does your lodger always do things en masse and if so, are you The Doctor and is your 'flat' the Tardis? We need answers ...