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Original poster

How to share custody of 6 month old breastfed baby

79 replies

Roxy1988 · 30/01/2021 22:11

Hi I'm going through a breakup and my ex says he wants to have our 6 month old baby every weekend (2 days and 2 nights). Our baby is exclusively breast fed although has just started weaning. I am baby's main carer and she wakes a few times a night to be fed/comforted. My ex doesn't seem bothered about the breastfeeding and keeps threatening to give formula. I don't want to be unreasonable but I feel that she is too young to be away from me for such a long period of time each week. I would also have to give up breastfeeding I guess. Also once we break up there will be 2 hours between us which means baby will be going up and down the motorway each week for a total of 4 hours. And advice would be much appreciated!

OP posts:

MrsSmith2021 · 30/01/2021 22:13

Well the answer is just no isn’t it. Not possible yet. It’s all well and good hon threatening that but my babies wouldn’t take a bottle! Ebf babies don’t understand that bottles have food in just like bottle fed babies wouldn’t know what to do if you shoved a boob in their face.

Original poster

Roxy1988 · 30/01/2021 22:20

@MrsSmith2021 how would you propose my ex see our daughter?

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 30/01/2021 22:27

Who is moving house, you or ex?

Contact has to be what's in the best interests of the child. For a 6 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed, that means no lengthy separation from the mother. Your stbx might not like that but he'll have to lump it.

If you want reassurance on this, get legal advice.
Good free sources are Rights of Women and Child Law Advice, both have good informative websites and helplines too.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families

Santaiscovidfree · 30/01/2021 22:28

Let courts decide. Threatening to remove a baby from it's food source isn't a man being a good df...

Butterymuffin · 30/01/2021 22:29

He's going to have to see her in short periods between feeds for now. Her wellbeing comes first and you should be able to continue feeding in that way for a while yet if it suits you and baby.

lunar1 · 30/01/2021 22:30

She's too young to be that far away if she's BF.

chestnutSquash · 30/01/2021 22:32

At that age vusits would usually be short and frequent. A couole of hours at a time and certainly not overnight. Not all mums can express and not all babies will take a bottle.

partyatthepalace · 30/01/2021 22:33

No, the baby won’t have to travel up and down the motorway. That would be hugely disrupting. His access will have to work around the baby’s routine including feeds so I think he’ll just have to visit for now.

Anyway don’t get into this with him till you know exactly where you stand. Women’s aid would be a start as well as the sites suggested above.

Wishitsnows · 30/01/2021 22:33

Don't worry the courts would never let this happen. He clearly does not have his child's best interests at heart. It would be cruel to the baby. He is a terrible father. Let him take you to court.

AnotherEmma · 30/01/2021 22:35

This should be helpful
www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-contact-cases/

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/01/2021 22:36

I would let him apply through the court for access. The Judge will decide and he'll have to comply.

Viviennemary · 30/01/2021 22:37

He can't have the baby overnight. End of. Short visits for the foreseeable future.

MixedUpFiles · 30/01/2021 22:38

He sees her a couple hours at a time very frequently. Moving 2 hours apart is a bad idea and you should both review your options to try to avoid this.

titchy · 30/01/2021 22:38

Contact is always centred around the best needs of the child. Overnight weekend contact is very unlikely to be ordered for a child under 2. He should come and visit baby a couple of times a week. One of those times can be a weekend and he can take him out for increasing lengths of time around breastfeeds.

Onestep2021 · 30/01/2021 22:40

My friend didn’t breastfed but would not allow overnights until her son was over 2years old. It didn’t go to court as the father accepted it could potentially disrupt the child too much. They did small regular visits; then lots of day visits, building up to an overnight stay and probably a year later weekends.
They both accepted the slower and steadier it was done the more chance it had of being successful.
I only write this as a comparison.
To go to weekends away from primary cater at 6momths old feels way too young for me.

minniemango · 30/01/2021 22:41

I'd offer 3 or 4 afternoons a week.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/01/2021 22:43

I wouldn't allow this if you are still breastfeeding. He can see her when she's with you.

It's not about what's best for the adults, it's about what's best for the child. A breastfed 6 month old baby needs to be with the mother.

Jeremyironseverything · 30/01/2021 22:45

A couple of hours at first, building up gradually.

Original poster

Roxy1988 · 30/01/2021 22:46

Thank you for all the replies! Just to clarify I would be moving back with family as we (baby and myself) are basically being chucked out. I have said I would rather try and live together amicably until our daughter is older but he doesn't want that. I have nowhere else to go apart from moving back to my home town to stay with my sister.

I really do not want to go through the courts but I feel I may have no other choice. He would hate me as well as all his family but my daughter comes first.

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:

Marley20 · 30/01/2021 22:48

A 6 month old is too young to be away from you. Your Ex will only be able to see her for a couple hours at a time with yourself (and I would recommend a chaperone). You absolutely should not stop BF to please your ex. You need to think of your babies best interests. Don't agree to anything, go through the courts to agree access. No court would give an exclusively BF, 6 month old to the father for overnight stays.

Rtmhwales · 30/01/2021 22:49

I'd strongly suggest that if/when you do think 2 days and 2 nights is good that you suggest two week days. Or one weekday and weekend day. I don't see why mom always gets lumped with the weekday childcare (and childcare costs) while dad gets the unrestricted weekend time (and no costs). It might make him think twice anyway. And I wouldn't be offering to drive baby to his house or halfway, if he's the one that moved away.

Marley20 · 30/01/2021 22:51

Also you absolutely should not be taking your baby a couple hours up and down the motorway to see him. He's made you both homeless FFS, if he wants to see his child then he comes to see you, every single time, you do not go to him!

Viviennemary · 30/01/2021 23:06

If he's the one who made you and the baby homeless he's the one who should be doing any travelling. In your shoes I wouldn't be bending over backwards to facilitate contact. If he's going to be awkward maybe a court decision is best.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/01/2021 23:11

*Thank you for all the replies! Just to clarify I would be moving back with family as we (baby and myself) are basically being chucked out. I have said I would rather try and live together amicably until our daughter is older but he doesn't want that. I have nowhere else to go apart from moving back to my home town to stay with my sister.

I really do not want to go through the courts but I feel I may have no other choice. He would hate me as well as all his family but my daughter comes first.

Thank you everyone*

If he's making you and your DD homeless, absolutely make him apply through the Court. Make sure he knows that you want him to see DD but you think it's best getting a Judge to decide the arrangements as she's so young.

And don't offer to do the driving either. Make sure the Court knows that you were made homeless and moving away was your only option.

If he's so keen to have her, he'll do the application and the travelling.

MizMoonshine · 30/01/2021 23:19

He can fuck off!

Move out. Tell him he can visit when he likes. He can go to court for anything more.

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