I want to be the thread police and give a virtual tazering to posters who…

[CandidaAlbicans2]

• Post non-AIBU stuff in AIBU rather than the relevant section, usually Chat. No point having sections if people keep posting in AIBU as default and effectively turning it into another Chat.
• Ask questions that are clearly answered in the OP’s first post (that appear on the top of each page!)
• Say “if that’s all you have to worry about…” etc
• Nit pick over irrelevant details rather than give any constructive help
• Resurrect zombie posts from years ago, especially time-sensitive ones, eg baby issue ones where the baby is now 10!

Yes I’m bored. Yes I have more important things to do and to worry about. Yes I know I’m being an awful pedant and should get a life/scroll on if I don’t like it/whatever. Yes, I’d love a zap button 😈

YANBU but MN has never been any different

You seem to have a problem with virtually everything on mumsnet. leave this forum and do meditations.

Can I join the force? I'd like to tazer posters who come on to threads about absolutely toxic relations and go 'well at least you still have a mum/dad/dog' (or maybe just give them a fine).

And the ones who go 'haven't read the thread but have you...' and proceed to give advice that has been given at least 200 times before i.e cancel the cheque.

Not aimed at you at all, but id also like to give the same treatment to posters who seem to go out of their way to be harsh, and justify it by saying 'im just being honest'. GRRRR. Rant over. Sorry for hijaking your thread.

In behind!!

Post non-AIBU stuff in AIBU rather than the relevant section, usually Chat. No point having sections if people keep posting in AIBU as default and effectively turning it into another Chat
I really agree with this!
"Please recommend a hoover" - that's what chat is for...hint, if you're post doesn't contain the question "AIBU?" It probably doesn't belong in this section.

Can I add the ones who can't help making threads about themselves by taking things personally and getting defensive.

OP: what's something you find annoying?
Mine is people who ring the doorbell at 4am

Always that one person: wow! Well I ring the neighbour's doorbell at 4am but that's because I'm the most special person in the world and no one else is going through what I am going through, perhaps you'd fine me annoying too!

I'm in!

Posters who say "Ok. I'll bite" on pg 7 of the thread.

Can I order a taser please OP?

Maybe we could have a taser emoji

Or a triple taser for anyone who says "can somebody summarize for me please as I don't have time can't be bothered to read the whole thread/previous thread"

People who ask a question that could easily be answered by simply opening another tab on their browser, typing www.google.co.uk into the address bar and then typing their question into the search box that magically appears.

For example, "how long do cats live?"

Oh I'll have a taser too please. Mainly for saying:

'I'm going to go against the grain here' while agreeing with literally every single post.

'Google it' to someone asking I perfectlu pleasant question and may just fancy a bit of a chat.

'Get your ducks in a row OP'.

'You sound very controlling' to someone who doesn't sound controlling at all.

'I just say what other people are thinking'. Fuck right off.

'I am shaking with rage/fuming/sobbing in distress'. Sorry, I'd like to be more sympathetic but calm the fuck down.

You appear to have awakened the rage in me OP.

Oooh yes OP, and we could do with an special tazer emoji to make it more fun, I'd just set mine to medium stun mode, enough to make them stop and think they are being ejits. Eg.

OP: "I bought a yellow sofa the other day, when it was delivered it was blue so I rang the shop to complain but there's no answer"

Reply: "Well why don't you stop moaning and ring the shop, honestly , are you useless have you nothing else to worry about?

OR the old chestnut that goes:-

OP ( in Chat, the clue is in the title) "I don't like that new programme on X channel with X in it, because.."

Reply: Well don't watch it then, you do have an 'off' button you know.

make that maximum stun mode...

h ha Sparky we had the same thought

Those who don’t read at least the OPs posts in a long thread and leap in with something already suggested/answered need zapping with a cattle prod.

Oh oh! Me again.

"Shaking/crying/snorting with laughter"

"I wet myself I laughed so hard"

Really? Is it THAT funny?

....because ive never read anything on MN THAT funny. Slightly amusing, yes.

You sound like hard work OP.

@Outwithreason

You sound like hard work OP.

Oh yes, this one too!

And the 'but that's just me' lot.

'Well personally I would never give my child a piece of chocolate until they're at least 35, but that's just me'.

'I wouldn't get out of bed for a job with a salary of less than 42 million, but that's just me'.

Those who seem unable to assume that the OP's comment (like "Children should really be taught to use knives and forks properly") isn't necessarily aimed at them and their child with complex special needs and disabilities. No matter how strongly someone may feel about table manners, I think you can probably assume that they aren't tutting away at the child in the a wheelchair being fed through a tube, without them explicitly having to say that.

Oooooh - another one.

People who do post in the right topic (non AIBU) but then phrase their thread title as if it is in AIBU so it is just a random statement.

I've checked my postbox twice this afternoon and there is still no taser

I might start a thread in chat titled "To want to know where my taser is"

I completely agree! Pow!

Competitive under/over eating needs a KPOW ZAP too, particularly when it derails a thread.

Post 'place marking'
Use the bookmark or watch the thread!

Another one, thread titles that are so foggy they make my foot itch eg.

'My Nextdoor Neighbour has just.....'

'DH just said...'

'I got up this morning to find...'

FFS put it on the tin so we all know what you are on about, is it that difficult?

Mine are:

HTH. It's never said to be helpful. Always snidey and unnecessary.

And bloody armchair diagnosing! I'll taser everyone who thinks all shite behaviour is a result of either dementia/ADHD/autism/NPD etc. No, it's more likely that they are just a knobhead or a rude twat.

How about this in the absence of a taser emoji 👮‍♀️⚡? Police with a lightning bolt 😆.

I didn't add the female symbol. It was a policewoman emoji!