If you're a feminist, why take your husband's name?

[OrIsTheWorldNuts]

I just want to talk. No judgements so no biscuits

As a feminist, why take your husband's name? I know some say it's because they want to have the same name as their children but why do the children have to have your husband's/bf's/partner's name not yours? Then your husband could change his name or better still both change names to something new as a family?

I know to each their own but just wondering how you reconcile some feminist beliefs with the old tradition of taking the man's name.

I didn’t like my maiden name, I never have to repeat or spell my married name.

Because I had my children young, pre career, pre true realisation of sexual inequality (certainly before I acknowledged feminism) so I'm not going to go to a ridiculous amount of effort to change my name all these years later to make a point. But I wouldn't have taken it if we were to marry today or in the last 3/4 years.

I didn't and I can't help but judge people who do.
Unless they have ridiculous surnames.

I didn't. It's not really caused any problems that I can think of. My eldest has my surname and my youngest has DH's. I would have preferred my youngest to have my surname, so as a compromise she has it as a middle name. I'm fine with that.

I like having two different surnames that I can use now I'm married - I use one for my professional identity and one for my personal/family life.

Because I liked his name, and I chose to take it. And now it's my name. And even if we divorced I'd keep it.

I kept my own name and took DH's name, but didn't hyphenate. DD has DH's name, but has pondered over taking mine too.

I didn't. Doesn't stop the world and his wife calling me mrs his name anyway though. Particularly schools. They just can't get their head around us being happily married but me having my own name, no matter how many times I pointedly correct them.

I wanted us and our children to have one name we all shared, and ultimately his name was more important to him than mine was to me. We debated it for some years before we married though, there was no assumption of any one option. If we’d have had children before marriage they’d have had my name though.

Not that close to my father, husband's surname was easier to spell (makes life easier in my line of work).

(Planning on changing mine after my wedding this year.) This is because I don't want my dad's name. I have nothing to do with him. I don't want to share his name. My mum doesn't even have the same name as him anymore.

I do love my fiance and he wouldn't be fussed either way if I did or didn't.

Also I like his more. It sounds nicer.

A lot of women weren't very analytical about their decisions in their 20s, which is the age at which many women get married. I wasn't going to change my name but my husband was hurt so I thought it doesn't matter either way, my surname comes from my dad, its his dad's and so on. Makes no odds which man's surname I have. I didn't really question why I did or thought things until systemic sexism hit home once I was pregnant for the first time, and when reflecting on the fairly traumatic dehumanising birth, and more so when discussing my return to work, and then in the context of having children and how both their biology and systemic sexism impacts them...

And I got married 26yrs ago and didn't really think about not taking DH's name. My unmarried name belonged to my Dad, so that's not very feminist either.

@Lyricallie

(Planning on changing mine after my wedding this year.) This is because I don't want my dad's name. I have nothing to do with him. I don't want to share his name. My mum doesn't even have the same name as him anymore.

I do love my fiance and he wouldn't be fussed either way if I did or didn't.

Also I like his more. It sounds nicer.

*did or didn't choose his name. I think he'd care if I did or didn't love him lol.

DH and I agreed double-barreling our names sounded stupid so that rules out that. I hated having to spell mine out, or be told I didn't exist on records because someone had inputted it incorrectly. Convenience won.

Why don't you ask ask men why they decided to keep their original surname after marriage?

I wish I hadn’t - although my maiden name attracts some teasing and my married name is prettier to my ears. I did keep my maiden name at work though so I’m glad about that. My passport notes I also use another name in the unlikely event I ever travel abroad with work.

Again, a mistake for me. We married fairly young, I thought hard about it but concluded it wouldn’t really bother me but it does now and I feel like I’ve lost a part of my identity. I went from an unusual rare name to a name so ordinary I know several. It’s just one of those things I have to live with.

A better question would be why do some women who consider themselves to be feminists take their husbands name in marriage and if you remove the personal you tend to get a broader and deeper conversation.

Isn't this what I asked in different words? I asked those who are feminists who took their husband's name why. Some are bound to be defensive but I'm appreciating those who are contributing. It's a conversation, not a judgment as I said.

Cause I want my family unit to all have the same name, and DHs surname is nicer than mine.

When i got married before, despite being a feminist, it just didnt occur to me not to. Internet age has made me think more about issues in greater depth than i would have 20 odd years ago

Well, I didn't take my partner's name and we chose not to marry.

But I strongly feel that the onus for change is on the oppressor rather than the oppressed party, so if a woman feels more comfortable taking her husband's name, or feels it would be too tricky not to then that is OK. The onus is on men to stop expecting it, or to start enthusiastically offering to take their wife's name.

I took my husband's name as my 'maiden' name was also part of a patriarchal system as it was my fathers!

Also did not want double barrelled names for my children

🤷‍♀️

I wasn't particularly attached to my name. Ds1 was registered with his dad's name, it felt right at the time. He was unplanned and somehow it felt right to do that because he was so completely mine that having his father's name somehow bound them together in the same way. Might not make sense to others but it did then and still does to me. So when we got married it was more logical to change my name to signify our little family unit.

Feminism isn't always about not doing things, it is about having the choice.

My maiden name is Dick...