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Original poster

How to help my partner with his dirty nappy aversion?

407 replies

Cleaneatingisawesome · 24/01/2021 09:49

My partner is a wonderful father to our 6 month old son.

The only thing he's got a big, big problem with is changing dirty nappies. He's okay with urine, but if our son does a poo my partner always starts to gag, like he's about to throw up. The smell and look just makes him feel very sick.

He always calls me for help then, even if I have a lie in.

I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

He's had an aversion against dirty nappies his whole life and we hoped it would change with his own child, but it didn't.

OP posts:
DuzzyFuck · 24/01/2021 21:42

Just mentioned this thread to my DP. His response was to roll his eyes and suggest that your DH grow up and start acting like a Man and a Father.

If he needs to wear a disposable mask with lavender oil or vicks on the inside then so be it, but he needs to get over it and get on with it.

Same4Walls · 24/01/2021 21:50

I agree with you all though that it isn't sustainable not being able to change dirty nappies due to a phobia.

But it's not a phobia is it? If he wanted to fix the problem he would have attempted to do so in the last months. Instead he's out right told you this is your job. Seriously think how you would feel if your son grew up thinking he was too important to change his own child's shitty nappy?

SinkGirl · 24/01/2021 22:01

I guess the equivalent would be asking someone with a fear of spiders to put their hand into a box of spiders. Of course, part and parcel of having kids is dealing with poo, so I've had to deal with it!

I am absolutely terrified of spiders but if I’ve been on my own I’ve had to deal with them usually by vacuuming them up while weeping, but I did it

I also wouldn’t buy a tarantula and then expect someone else to take care of it. The fact that kids poo shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

My twins are 4, both autistic and still in nappies which is likely to be the case for some time yet. They went through a poo smearing phase which was earth shatteringly horrible at times - DH scrubbing one in the bath while I scrubbed shit off cot bars (cots are very hard to clean poo off, I should add). The smell was eight hundred times worse than a nappy. Bleugh.

OP, of course you could assemble flat pack furniture. They literally come with instructions. Anyone can assemble a piece of furniture unless they have a disability which prevents this. You seem very sure he’s a good bloke but he sounds like a massive dickhead.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families
SeahorseoramI · 24/01/2021 22:19

I will ask him to a dirty nappy change tomorrow on his own so that he can get used to it.
And when he refuses, or makes you finish the job, then what?

WeAllHaveWings · 24/01/2021 22:22

@Cleaneatingisawesome

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.
What a prince, you are so lucky Hmm

what did you reply to that gem?

OhToBeASeahorse · 24/01/2021 22:23

But it isn't the same as spiders, is it? Because one assumes he is ok to wipe his own shit? Or does OP have to do that as well?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 24/01/2021 22:26

OP I don't think any of those qualities make him an 'amazing' person - you're supposed to look after your ill wife after she's given birth no one gets cookies for this - just not a shit one...until the nappies thing where he IS a prick. Presumably he wipes his own shitty bum with no gagging?

SeahorseoramI · 24/01/2021 22:31

It is really sad op that you think doing the basics of being a husband and father makes him amazing.

When deciding whether something he does is amazing or just the basics, ask yourself would someone be amazed if you did the same. Would you be considered amazing for looking after your dh if he nearly died? Are you amazing for looking after your own child in an evening?

BornInAThunderstorm · 24/01/2021 22:44

How nice of him to care for your child now and then and sort the flatpack out.

How about you tell him to do the nappies from now on and you build the furniture?

Honestly I think my vagina would seal shut permanently if I saw a “d”p shouting and heaving over their own baby’s nappy, how incredibly unattractive

Hugoslavia · 24/01/2021 22:54

He cannot physically pass out because of a bad smell. Far from it. In fact, scent is a brain stimulant (hence why ladies in tight corsets used to use smelling salts to bring themselves back round). So, the next time that he feels faint, you need to grab something with a strong pungent smell and stick it under his nose....such as a dirty nappy!

GabsAlot · 24/01/2021 23:27

has he always been sexist-and what did he do when you were ill just not change his nappy?

FlyingPandas · 24/01/2021 23:42

It is not a phobia, OP, it's a sexist piss take.

As others have said, he's more or less told you straight that this is your job. He's basically going to tantrum and perform diva strops and pretend to pass out until you give up and give in and basically do every single pooey nappy because it's just easier for you to do it than nag him to do it.

This is what he is banking on.

He wipes his own bum. He will, almost certainly, as an adult male, produce far more rancid smelling poo than your six month old baby.

The point is he doesn't want to do it, he thinks it is your job. This will probably also be the case when your baby gets his first sickness bug and throws up all over the cot/buggy/highchair. It'll be your job to clear it all up.

He really doesn't sound all that wonderful, sorry.

sortmylifeoutplease · 25/01/2021 00:15

Just wanted to say that with the exception of the nappy thing which I'm sure you guys can tackle, he sounds like a great dad and partner. Good luck OP.

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 25/01/2021 00:26

He needs to get a grip. That's what he needs to do.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 25/01/2021 00:46

If you got ill, and needed help with personal care, you now know you can't rely on the one person who you should be able to. If he can't deal with baby shite, he sure as hell wouldn't be able to cope with an adult who needed help with toileting. It's not something you ruminate on every day, but when push comes to shove, he won't have your back. You need to nip this in the bud. (And its not just when you're old either - I never thought that in my late 30s I would be nursing my DH in end of life care when he had gone senile because of brain tumours.)

Sorry if that sounds dramatic, but it sounds like his extreme aversion to his own flesh and blood's bodily fluids would extend to yours...

ItsGoingTibiaK · 25/01/2021 00:49

Tell him to grow up and get on with it.

Arobase · 25/01/2021 01:05

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

I really struggle to understand how anyone could scream if they were gagging, or indeed if they were feeling faint. I have a sensitive gag reflex, and when I'm gagging the most noise I can make is a quiet retching noise. If you can take in enough breath to scream, it's highly unlikely that you would be feeling faint.

Arobase · 25/01/2021 01:16

@Cleaneatingisawesome

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.
If he can change a nappy that's been peed in, he's got the required skills. I hope you laughed at that pathetic excuse.
BendyLikeBeckham · 25/01/2021 01:26

this thread is so depressing.

Is he from a 'traditional culture' i.e. misogynistic?

FunkBus · 25/01/2021 01:29

"After birth, I was also very poorly ( I lost 2 litres of blood) and he looked after him many nights despite having to go to work the next day."

That is just normal. If you honestly think he is amazing because of that, you severely need to up your standards. I hate this 'he has to woooork' excuse that women give for their partner not doing anything around the house/with the baby. What are you doing all day with a 6 month old? Sitting on your arse?? Taking care of a young baby is a full time job, the same as any other.

On the dirty nappy front, what is going to happen when you're elderly/get sick and have care needs? Is he going to gag and puke if he needs to clean you up if you have an accident? I think this is the type of question we need to ask when we meet someone. Romance is great but true happiness comes from knowing you have someone who's going to help you no matter what.

Wasn't there some awful statistic about many men getting divorced from their wives because they (the wives) got cancer? Something like they were 10 times more likely to leave than women? This is all part and parcel of the same thing imo.

sortmylifeoutplease · 25/01/2021 01:29

And another tip that used to help me, especially for the really full nappies that go everywhere...although it was v wasteful, but cheaper than therapy!...

  • put gloves on
  • carrier bag and sick bowl next to me
  • undo nappy
  • hold baby down with one hand, put other hand in carrier bag, close eyes, cover and flip nappy in (poo texture and sight was hard to deal with too - and to PP it is completely different to wiping my own bum or seeing my own poo in a loo). Agree this sounds silly as again does the sight of someone screaming cos there's a spider in their house - aversions aren't always logical.
  • put another nappy down straight away further up back for chunks to fall onto. Pull nappy away gently wiping with it and add to carrier bag
  • put another Muslin or changing towel on top of other towel
  • pull envelope top down
  • try not to cry or shriek involuntarily
  • sometimes be sick, sometimes not
  • if all clumps gone, then clean baby with wipes or cotton wool and water. If not, then fold and wet a flannel and gently get clumps off. Target the flannel and close eyes! Bin flannel. Sometimes bin baby vest. Clean baby.
  • put another load in the washing machine!

To all those saying it's not a real thing. It really really is! I would change and check baby regularly and would feel so anxious and shaky if it was a bad poo. I'm a lot better now, but like most aversions, you can learn to deal with it if you have to. With my current baby, I don't need all the steps above - I can do it, even if I still feel more than a little sense of dread sometimes. Partner will still change more poos than me if he's home as he's just a lot better with dealing with it. He'll deal with vomit, but I'd jump in to take over if haven't seen it first as I know I'm much better with that than he is. There's hope for your partner OP!

FunkBus · 25/01/2021 01:29

"Is he from a 'traditional culture' i.e. misogynistic?"

So like every single culture in the world then?

FunkBus · 25/01/2021 01:33

"Cleaneatingisawesome
"
I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.

If he can change a nappy that's been peed in, he's got the required skills. I hope you laughed at that pathetic excuse."

Both parts are pretty pathetic tbh. Unless you have severe cognitive issues, you can assemble flatpack furniture. It may be trickier for some than others, but it isn't science.

Like the nappies, it's just a matter of will and practice.

sortmylifeoutplease · 25/01/2021 01:33

It's not just men! I'm female!

Cocogreen · 25/01/2021 01:38

Unfortunately OP you’ve let him get away with it for six months and it’s going to be hard work for you. I wish you luck.