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Original poster

How to help my partner with his dirty nappy aversion?

407 replies

Cleaneatingisawesome · 24/01/2021 09:49

My partner is a wonderful father to our 6 month old son.

The only thing he's got a big, big problem with is changing dirty nappies. He's okay with urine, but if our son does a poo my partner always starts to gag, like he's about to throw up. The smell and look just makes him feel very sick.

He always calls me for help then, even if I have a lie in.

I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

He's had an aversion against dirty nappies his whole life and we hoped it would change with his own child, but it didn't.

OP posts:
Witchend · 24/01/2021 15:43

Dh didn't like doing dirty nappies, so I made the most of it.

"Dh, could you just change this really horrible dirty nappy, while I go and do

gamerchick · 24/01/2021 15:46

Tell him while looking him dead in the eye that if he whinges one more time he can do all of them until he's over himself. Desensitising works.

SnoozyLou · 24/01/2021 15:54

*I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?*

Yes. Leave him to it for a day so he HAS to manage, and he will.

I would do this sooner rather than later. Baby poo is not half as bad as toddler poo. It won't get better. He just needs to crack on, like you and everyone else here has.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families
nostaples · 24/01/2021 16:22

'I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.'

Somebody didn't real say this did they?

Goes away to check that we really are still in the 21st century.

DragonPoop · 24/01/2021 16:33

With all due respect if you weren’t there to fix it for him I can guarantee he would eventually change it. His sons comfort and welfare should come first, even if he is vomiting whilst changing it i guarantee he would get it done. I’ve gagged numerous times at a dirty nappy and I have a mild ‘phobia’ of vomit, however when my child is sick I am sick whilst cleaning his sick up but I get it done without saying a word and I fully comfort my child - as a parent that is my job!

Excited101 · 24/01/2021 16:36

I used to suffer from this, it was awful. Eyes streaming, gagging etc. I found that wearing disposable gloves and air freshener made a huge difference. A few weeks of that and I was able to ditch both. Now I can change any nappies with absolutely no issues.

goldielockdown2 · 24/01/2021 16:36

This is one of the reasons my ex is my ex. Shit fathers kill all the respect I had for them and I couldn't look at him in the same way again. He was/is pathetic in my eyes.

goldielockdown2 · 24/01/2021 16:37

I should say, he outright refused to do nappies. It's not like he did them gipping and actually tried.

YouokHun · 24/01/2021 16:38

Have you ever asked him @Cleaneatingisawesome if he actually wants to overcome his problem? If he does (mmm...) then there are a lot of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) protocols for treating “disgust” and gag reflex problems with emetophobia (vomit phobia) which are adaptable. Have a look at the CBT register, better still have him look for a therapist that can treat him and he can (and should) take charge of his problem which is very possible to improve.

If he’s not willing to change it then you’ve got another problem. In the meantime push back a bit more. He’s an adult and he needs to look for adult solutions.

Snowdrop30 · 24/01/2021 16:39

My DH had this (has sensory sensitivities due to ADHD), he just had to keep opening the window until he got used to it. It was never easy for him, but he got on with it.

LIZS · 24/01/2021 16:41

I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

You just need to go out and leave him to it. The longer he fusses the stinkier it will become. A quick removal and roll away usually gets rid of the worst. If your ds is not weaning yet sort it sooner rather than later. Milk based poo is far less offensive than part digested food. Try deodorisers and tips above.

Yohoheaveho · 24/01/2021 17:01

His sons comfort and welfare should come first
you say that but he will play brinkmanship thinking it's a safe bet that if the child comes to harm she will feel more guilty than he does...therefore he cant lose

Daisychainsandglitter · 24/01/2021 18:04

Goodness me- my DH would be given short shrift by me if he started that.
What will happen when your DS is potty trained and is confronted by great big toddler poos?!
Baby poo by comparison is nothing!

Original poster
Cleaneatingisawesome · 24/01/2021 19:24

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.

OP posts:
OhToBeASeahorse · 24/01/2021 19:27

Is he having a laugh?
Doesnt have the skills?

OP you must realise he is taking the piss?

Stompythedinosaur · 24/01/2021 19:28

He sounds like a dreadful drama queen. Absolutely pathetic.

What does he say if you point out that poo also smells bad to you, and he is forcing you to do twice as much of the work by refusing to do his share?

Being honest, men who love their partners and children don't act like this.

SueEllenMishke · 24/01/2021 19:29

@Cleaneatingisawesome

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.
So he's misogynistic?

Assembling flat pack furniture is a doddle. He's just telling you that all things child related is women's work.

Sounds like you have a real problem here. What are you going to do about it?

SmileyClare · 24/01/2021 19:30

He shouldn't have to parent his child properly because he put a wardrobe together once?

Nappy changing is not a skill. I used to change my sister's nappy when I was a 12 year old child. It doesn't require "skill".

He's sexist and thinks it's beneath him.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/01/2021 19:31

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.

Unless he has a learning disability he is perfectly capable of changing a nappy.

My guess is that he is a misogynist who believes that his female partner isn't his equal so should have to deal with things he feels are beneath him.

AaronPurr · 24/01/2021 19:32

@Cleaneatingisawesome

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.
Just when you think it can't get any worse. 🤦‍♀️

OP how often does he assemble flat pack furniture? I'd hazard a guess and say once or twice every few years. Now think about how often you have to change a shitty nappy. Yeah... not a fair trade at all. Not to mention i'm sure you do have the skills, if you had to do it you'd manage.

You really are being taken for a mug here. By all means carry on the way you are, but don't complain about him opting out of other areas in the future, you're enabling the behaviour.

Yohoheaveho · 24/01/2021 19:36

@Cleaneatingisawesome

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.
GASLIGHTING ALERT (admittedly so transparent you'd think the alert unnecessary)
Pandoraslastchance · 24/01/2021 19:38

Ahhh but its a skill that can be learnt!

ConspiracyOfOne · 24/01/2021 19:38

Fine so say you'll swap. You'll do the flatpack furniture from now on (you can take a course if necessary, one that might require a week away from home perhaps) and he can do the nappies.

You only acquire skills by practising them :)

Spottysausagedogs · 24/01/2021 19:42

His behavior would make me gag.

SeahorseoramI · 24/01/2021 19:44

@Cleaneatingisawesome

I spoke with my partner this afternoon and he said that he's the one in the relationship that for insurance assembles flatpack furniture as I don't have the skills to do it and that I should be the one changing nappies as he doesn't have the skills to change nappies.
Hmm so he has no intention of doing them then. So you can never leave you child until he is what? 5?