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Original poster

Would you go to Aus and leave your kids for 3 weeks?

221 replies

Flyornofly · 18/01/2021 10:44

Hi - have NCed as feel guilty even thinking about this.

I am originally from Australia, married to an Englishman and have lived here for 20 odd years. 2 kids, daughter 4 and at nursery, son 2 at home right now. My family are all in Australia, my dad is 80 & mum 78, & I have a sister who is having a baby in may.

I haven’t seen my family for coming up to 2 years, I was meant to go in March 2020 when the lockdown happened. I now have a window where I could potentially fly and do the quarantines on either side (am a contractor and between projects). However, I am hesitating about bringing my kids as it will be 2 weeks cooped up in a hotel room and then only 2ish weeks with family before having to fly back. DH can’t travel with us as has to work.

Was thinking as an alternative to leave kids with DH and do the quarantine by myself, then spend just a week with my parents and come back. So would be away for 3ish weeks. I can get on a flight so no probs there.

Would you do it? I feel awful about even thinking about being away from them for that long. But am worried the Australian borders will remain shut for another year or more, and I won’t have the ability to take 3-4 weeks off once this gap between jobs finishes. And my dad, in particular, isn’t getting any younger.

I can’t figure out whether I’m being utterly ridiculous to even contemplate this or I should just GO and the kids will survive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyornofly · 18/01/2021 14:08

@holidayoncorona if U.K. hotel quarantine came in id have to abandon the whole idea - with or without kids. 4 weeks is way too much.

@mamma3568 that’s a good point re separation. I think you’re right and I’d have to take them. Deep breath...! The alternative would be to wait until the summer (assuming things are easier in the U.K. by then/we are vaccinated) and go by myself - without kids I can work while in quarantine so it’s just about doable altho painful.

I fucking HATE this, this is not what I signed up for as an immigrant

OP posts:
Cissyandflora · 18/01/2021 14:12

I did it recently. You won’t get stuck out there because they will want you to leave. It’s the coming in they don’t like. And the U.K. won’t stop you coming back because the U.K. is absolutely useless at protecting borders. I say this as someone who has travelled extensively in the last 6 months.

Bumpsadaisie · 18/01/2021 14:13

I suppose it depends a bit on your personal family dynamics. Are you and DH equally involved or are you still the "special parent" to whom they're both most attached?

If the latter then unless it was an absolute necessity- eg a relative dying - then I wouldn't until both were primary school age. Three weeks will be an eternity to your two year old and he will struggle to understand.

Sorry as I know not what you wanted to hear! I would take them with you no matter how much of a pain. I wonder if you'd enjoy the trip more too, deep down. Though I can quite see that flying to Aus alone with two small children is enormously daunting!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MarshaBradyo · 18/01/2021 14:13

@Cissyandflora

I did it recently. You won’t get stuck out there because they will want you to leave. It’s the coming in they don’t like. And the U.K. won’t stop you coming back because the U.K. is absolutely useless at protecting borders. I say this as someone who has travelled extensively in the last 6 months.
Cissy what’s the process for getting a quarantine spot?
zzizzer · 18/01/2021 14:16

What would you do if your family caught covid, a child ended in hospital, and you were somehow stuck on the other end of the world?

Cissyandflora · 18/01/2021 14:21

@MarshaBradyo the quarantine was just automatic. If you get the flight you get met by the army and taken to quarantine. I didn’t book it.
I did have to arrange the flight and there is a strict quota per day. I presume op will have made sure she can fly in though. I’m Australian too

Cissyandflora · 18/01/2021 14:23

The other issue is when leaving Australia op you will need to ask for permission from the government. And you’ll have to agree that you won’t be coming back in for a few months and that you will pay any costs incurred if you catch Covid. But you probably know all of this. As you live in the U.K. they’ll be glad for you to leave.

user2021 · 18/01/2021 14:32

No way in hell would I quarantine for 14 days in a hotel room, with or without kids, only to have 1 week of freedom and then have to return to the UK.

As other posters have pointed out, there's no guarantee you won't be bumped off a flight (multiple times), strict caps, quarantine slots etc.

Also I'm fairly sure it's not allowed to just pop over for a visit?! Quarantine or not. Don't you have to get approval/justify why you are flying there and why you are flying back out?

letsmakethetea · 18/01/2021 14:33

Ooh that's a tough one. Could you take the children and pay your nanny crazy overtime to come with you, to help with the two weeks in a hotel bit? Could you book an apartment to do the quarantine in, or even a house with a garden?

letsmakethetea · 18/01/2021 14:35

FWIW I would definitely stay in a hotel for two weeks if it meant I got to see my family for a week, especially with the convenient in between jobs timing.

eatingfor2drinkingfor0 · 18/01/2021 14:40

First of all OP.

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place and I'm sure before you made your decision to emigrate you had no idea there was a pandemic about to happen.

If it's just 3 weeks then I'm sure your dp can cope.

But there is always that added risk of being stuck and not being able to get back, you must be missing your sister and probably sad that you are going to miss out on your niece or nephew.

What ever choice you make please lose the guilt. Whether is parental/ covid related etc.

You're following the guidelines of quarantine. Is it possible to book up in a few months once the vaccine roll out has happened and things are looking a bit more stable?

Good luck. No judgments here.

Merename · 18/01/2021 14:44

Sadly my parents aren’t nearly as important to me as my kids, so I’d never put my kids through this for my parents’ sake, or need to see parents that much for myself. I think only you can decide your own risk/benefit analysis on this.

Skippinginthesnow · 18/01/2021 14:45

I left 1 DC at home with DHand went to Oz for 2 weeks with the other s few years back, so the leaving kids in the UK to see family in Oz wouldn’t both me. I’d be worried about you getting sick there or DH or DC getting sick in the UK. Also UK considering hotel quarantine here for 2 weeks on return, so in total you’d have a month stuck in a hotel room and a week with your family. I’d still probably go though.

MarshaBradyo · 18/01/2021 14:49

[quote Cissyandflora]@MarshaBradyo the quarantine was just automatic. If you get the flight you get met by the army and taken to quarantine. I didn’t book it.
I did have to arrange the flight and there is a strict quota per day. I presume op will have made sure she can fly in though. I’m Australian too[/quote]
Thanks Cissy I assume you get what you’re given rather than booking a house etc as pp posted

I have been thinking about it recently as similar position to op. The flight with three year old is pretty bad in itself but it’s a hotel room with no outside space that’d be really difficult on them.

reluctantbrit · 18/01/2021 14:51

I wouldn’t. Not so much because of the 3 weeks but more because I would be afraid of being stranded if the situation worsen on either side.

There is also the costs involved in the quarantine.

I am from Germany and have several German colleagues who went to Germany over Christmas and are now stuck and can’t easily come back to the UK. I also haven’t see my mum or in-laws for nearly two years as all trips in 2020 were cancelled and they are too afraid of catching it and we don’t want to spend our time on quarantine.

It is not easy but at the moment the idea is ridiculous.

Titsywoo · 18/01/2021 14:51

Yes - at those exact ages DH and I went to Aus for a friends wedding - we were gone 16 days. The kids were fine with my mum.

InsertRudeWord · 18/01/2021 14:51

@Nomaigai

You might not care, but how are you justifying it not being a breach of lockdown rules?
I don't think the rules apply to OP ...
redsquirrelfan · 18/01/2021 15:03

I think your post is largely hypothetical OP: www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/news/australias-borders-to-remain-shut-until-2022-despite-vaccines-wbnxkq79d

chuntersalot · 18/01/2021 15:10

I'm currently working in a South American country. UK national, home and family there. I came home for Christmas. As I was travelling back to the UK everything changed with the British variant. My South American country banned arrivals from the UK and my flight back was cancelled. Ban on UK arrivals was then lifted but the more direct flight routes were not reestablished. I had to return via a second South American country. The day I arrived back everything changed again because of the South American variant. I'm not 100% stuck here but the time and expense needed to return to the UK for anything other than an emergency is prohibitive.
My point is that things change and quickly. Could change for the better but more likely to change in a way that leaves you stuck in one destination or another. Trying to patch together a route when airlines need to take destination restrictions into account was horrendous.

raspberrysundaes · 18/01/2021 15:13

[quote redsquirrelfan]I think your post is largely hypothetical OP: www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/news/australias-borders-to-remain-shut-until-2022-despite-vaccines-wbnxkq79d[/quote]
OP is an Australian citizen so she can technically still travel.

Whatisthisarghhh · 18/01/2021 16:09

Really feel for you OP. I am also from that part of the world and what felt like only a 24 hour flight away is now almost impossible. It is heartbreaking. My parents are mid 70s and mostly well but I dread the thought of a phone call with bad news. So much so that I have discussed with my siblings who will deliver news (there are a few of them and some are more sensitive than others!!).
As much as I would love to go at the moment, there are just too many uncertainties. The thought of getting stuck over there (as much as I would love it!) and not with my DC would scare me. Obvs you could take them with you but it may be harder to get tickets and not have the cancelled. If one of your transit destinations on the return flight has a new variant you may end up essentially stuck there. Lots of scenarios that would tough to handle alone and even more stressful with kids.
I havent seen my family in nearly 2 years now. Parents were due to come over in June 2020 and we were going to go there this year. Looking like it will be 3 years until I get to see them. My kids are only 5 and 9 and I feel like they have forgotten about my family. And I find it so tough when my MiL says how she's hardly got to see the grandkids at all over the last year (she's seen them 4 times for at least 4 days at a time). I wish she'd be a bit more sensitive when she says crap like this.
We are going all out for Australia day this year - buying a load of stuff from the Australia Shop and only watching Australian tv shows and movies all week. Will also sit around listening to my favourite Oz songs and get drunk and cry! Also planning a great holiday abroad over summer (know it might not happen but got to plan).
Australia and your family will be there once things have changed a bit. I am hoping that with WFH being more acceptable now that I can WFH for a week or so in Oz and have an extended break. Also will take kids out of school if needs be for a longer time.
All just horrible isn't it. Hoping you manage to make a decision and it all works out. I'm usually inclined to say if the opportunity is there go for it but at the moment there are so many factors to consider

Ewentheawakesheep · 18/01/2021 16:14

Honestly I wouldn't want to leave my children this long, and would also be worried about risk of getting stuck out there longer if any flight/ travel issues developed.
Not a judgement on your choice just my concerns if it were me.

Original poster
Flyornofly · 18/01/2021 17:45

@Whatisthisarghhh sympathies, it’s so tough isn’t it. I also dread that phone call re my parents, one of my friends in Oz died recently and it was so frustrating not being able to get back there for the funeral as obv they weren’t going to wait a fortnight for me to quarantine even if I could make the logistics work, which I couldn’t. My parents were also due to come in June 2020 and now am questioning if they’ll ever be able to come again.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 18/01/2021 17:58

I wouldn't, and I totally get what you mean by that this isn't what you signed on for as an immigrant, being from NZ.

Things change just too fast, and never for the better.

A friend of ours, their child went back to SA, and they were there about three days before they were frantically trying to find a flight to get him home via Europe before the borders shut.

user2021 · 18/01/2021 19:47

@letsmakethetea

Ooh that's a tough one. Could you take the children and pay your nanny crazy overtime to come with you, to help with the two weeks in a hotel bit? Could you book an apartment to do the quarantine in, or even a house with a garden?
Erm.... you're met when you get off the plane and bused to your quarantine facility and you cannot leave your room for love nor money. If it was so easy to just rent an apartment or house, we wouldn't have this problem in trying to get back home.