DH is in hospital and really struggling with some of the other patients

[Doffodils]

He's been in a week, is in a lot of pain, can't sit up by himself and hasn't been out of bed since he got there.

He's on a general ward where most of the other patients are elderly with some level of dementia. For the first few days there was a man who kept stripping naked and trying to "escape" with lots of disruption during the night, which was irritating and amusing for DH in equal measure.

Now there's a man who seems to think all DH's possessions belong to him. DH is "joking" but he said he'll have to sleep with one eye open. It must be really stressful for him knowing he can't move to defend his stuff. He's keeping everything in reach because if he puts it in his locker he has to call a nurse to get it for him when he wants it.

I can't visit, so haven't seen it myself and haven't spoken to the staff but what should happen in a situation like this? It's obviously a very sad situation for the man concerned and difficult for the staff but surely DH should feel safe in hospital?

Husband was on an orthopaedic ward for 4 days not so long ago and he was the youngest there by about 50 years. It was very similar to what you describe with patients frequently getting out of bed, trying to take clothes off etc and he had no sleep.

@Doffodils

It's more subtle than that Puzzled. The more priveledged people don't use the NHS, the less reason there is for it to be fit for purpose . Those with influence don't care because they dont use it.

But you obviously do care about it, to be asking in the first place, so that doesn't apply to you personally, so if you don't go private it's about objecting to the system of funding private care which may then lead to de-funding the NHS? In that case the 'damage' is already being done by having the private insurance as that's when the private care is paid for - DH should either refuse to have private insurance or at least use what he's paid for so that private funding is having to be depleted rather than NHS funding surely?

I've worked for private care in the past, what part of the country are you in? In London there are some very good private hospitals with very good ICU's in them.They handle some pretty major operations equivalent to the NHS and have very good resuscitations teams etc. I'm not so sure about the private hospitals outside London admittedly.

DH just has to speak to his consultant or consultants secretary - he may very well have a private practise, lots do.He should have admitting rights to certain hospitals and can transfer DH, he just needs to request it. Is DH in recovery stage, has he had the op? He can be transferred for recovery/recuperation if so.

Also depending on your coverage you are right, he may get pay back for nights spent in NHS bed. You will obviously need to speak to your insurance company for details, any admitting private hospital will have a finance department who can check it out before admission,

I understand your principles but I thin you should look into it - his own quiet side room will be an enormous relief, and the NHS is under strain at the moment as we all know so actually freeing up another bed will probably be a help to them.

Sounds a typical in-patient experience I would say. Nigh on impossible to rest in hospital IMHO. You could enquire as to cost & availability of a private room, many NHS hospitals have a private facility also. I hope your DH is better soon & gets home ASAP.

@Doffodils

Also, he was admitted via A&E, I've no idea how you'd go about transferring him to the private sector now, even if he wanted to. Again, it seems all wrong to take advantage of the NHS ambulance and A&E and then buy priveledge.

I think you need to look at it differently. If he’s in a private bed it frees up an NHS one for someone else.

@Doffodils

He could go private, he's had insurance for years and never used it. TBH it doesn't sit well with us but also, the thing that started all this off was an operation that the surgeon strongly advised us not to go private for. "The operation carries significant risk of death, needs to be done where there's ICU, I wouldn't want to do it in a private hospital".

Which is one of the reasons I object to private cover. People still expect the NHS to be there for the big stuff.

Don't be so ridiculous! Why on earth have you not called his insurance company by now? Get him the fuck out of there!

Why on earth would you pay for insurance not to use it 🙄

OK, I've spoken to DH, hes had a good night, the nurse appointed to guard troublesome patient didn't get a moment's rest but did get him to behave. DH (and I) absolutely understand that it's tragic for these confused men and he thinks the staff are heroes for their patience in dealing with them.

He doesn't want to move to a private room, there's a younger man who's arrived now so he has someone to talk to and says the nurses, who are good fun, spend more time on the ward. He'd be bored in a private room.

He's also very happy with the medical care he's getting and doesn't want to consider switching.

He doesn't pay for the insurance.

If you have private cover, use it! It's not conducive to recovery to be stuck on a ward like this one and if you have other options you'd be mad not to take them.

Hope your DH is up and about soon, what operation did he have?

Your husband's happy with the situation today, but how about tonight when they don't have spare nurse to sit with the dementia patient, or when the younger man he talks to goes home?

To be honest, if it's a choice between your husband's health and wellbeing on the one hand and something that "doesn't sit well" with you on the other, I'd go for health and wellbeing every time. As for the logistics of moving to private provision, just phone hospital management (having phoned the insurers first, of course).

@Arobase

Your husband's happy with the situation today, but how about tonight when they don't have spare nurse to sit with the dementia patient, or when the younger man he talks to goes home?

To be honest, if it's a choice between your husband's health and wellbeing on the one hand and something that "doesn't sit well" with you on the other, I'd go for health and wellbeing every time. As for the logistics of moving to private provision, just phone hospital management (having phoned the insurers first, of course).

Well yes, but I think he should get a say

I started my nursing career in the eighties in a big Victorian psychiatric hospital ..now a vast housing estate...we had many wards full of people with dementia , who would have a surgical procedure in the local general hospital.then back to us for comprehensive nursing care . Those hospitals with hundreds of patients with dementia and special needs werent always great but did offer a place for respite and care away from even then overstretched general hospitals .

Why is your husband in hospital? If he's having tests or treatment then he'll just have to cope, if not what is he doing there.

Today's prize for Most Extraordinary Post. Do you seriously imagine, @alreadytaken, that any patient is in hospital at the moment for the fun of it, let alone one who can't sit up or get out of bed on his own? It's not as if OP hasn't explained perfectly clearly why her husband is there.

Noise cancelling headphones and a sleep mask!

@Doffodils

He doesn't pay for the insurance.

It's free is it? The insurance company pays for all the private care out of generosity? I said refuse to have it not stop paying for it because I suspected he may not pay for it, it may be a job benefit or something. He's still choosing to have it, if you're both that morally opposed to using private care you equally shouldn't be using private insurance, even if you're not paying for it because you're still causing it to be paid for. If everyone who had it through work refused to use it, it would stop being offered and paid for. Either don't have it or, now you have it and have already given the money to the private sector, use it and leave the NHS with a bed to use.

@Nonamesavail

Noise cancelling headphones and a sleep mask!

Great idea so he can’t see his stuff being stolen!

Could you get him a backpack with a zip, and a small padlock? Sorry that he’s having such a harrowing time

Can't help yourself Puzzled? Whatever the rights and wrongs, why would you want to give people in our current situation a battering? We're just muddling through.

Best wishes to your DH, chronic underfunding of the NHS means issues like these were common, but obviously exacerbated by the pandemic. My friend's DS received a diagnosis of leukaemia at a local hospital and before being moved to specialist care in London, had his phone stolen from the ward. He was only 17 and they never got it back. I hope you can have him home soon, safe and well.

I started off by saying I thought you'd be in the right to stay in NHS if that's what you/DH wanted but would equally be absolutely justified to go private, that it was ok. You were the one arguing it was about supporting the NHS, so I pointed out how either going private when you have insurance or not funding the insurance in the first place actually made more difference. I'm not out to batter you at all and was only too happy to support either option but don't throw it back at me to argue the moral high ground if what you're doing doesn't actually fit it.

In my experience (10 plus hospital stays) medical wards are always like this and have always been. There are more elderly people in hospitals and many of those have dementia or infections that cause confusion.

Even 30 years ago my first experience as an adult on a general medical ward was an eye opener. Level of noise, people wandering around. Even when asleep the noise of snoring is all around and can send you up the wall.
It’s the same as if you have to stay in maternity hospital due to c-section you are going to get woken up by babies crying- it’s just that’s the nature of the ward you’re on.
You have to expect it. Take ear plugs. Do not go into hospital with anything you can’t afford to loose. Pay for a tv voucher or card while you’re in but avoid taking gadgets. If you have to have a phone ask the ward staff to lock it away when you go to sleep. Keep small amounts of cash for ward trolley (do they still do those?) but don’t have a credit card
That isn’t to do with covid. It is what happens on open wards and particularly in general medical wards.
Ask of they have a private room or amenity room you can pay for if you can afford it- if you have something like autism or ahdh make ward staff aware so they can try to find you a room or small bay off main ward. There’ll be a shortage of those I assume right now but if there is medical reason then you can always ask.
It’s not a nurses job to confine or restrict movements of people they treat unless they are directly harnessing or interfering with another patient. Hospitals by their nature are full of vulnerable and often disturbed people - they’re the ones that have the most health issues.

Harassing not harnessing

If he gets private insurance through his job I assume he will be paying tax on it.

For those saying it is down to the Tories, I don’t remember Labour getting rid of wards and everyone having their own private room.

Never having been in a hospital in another country are wards a thing of the past for example in other European countries?

@Doffodils

OK, I've spoken to DH, hes had a good night, the nurse appointed to guard troublesome patient didn't get a moment's rest but did get him to behave. DH (and I) absolutely understand that it's tragic for these confused men and he thinks the staff are heroes for their patience in dealing with them.

He doesn't want to move to a private room, there's a younger man who's arrived now so he has someone to talk to and says the nurses, who are good fun, spend more time on the ward. He'd be bored in a private room.

He's also very happy with the medical care he's getting and doesn't want to consider switching.

He’ll get out quicker and recover quicker in a private room probably. Sleep is critical for recovery as is not being stressed. He’s not there for a social visit or to joke around with nurses🤦‍♀️

Doesn’t your DH have a lockable cupboard/unit, thought they had those in most hospitals.