Page 4 | DH is in hospital and really struggling with some of the other patients

Honeyroar · 15/01/2021 22:30

These dementia patients that are stuck in hospitals without the care they need. I’m totally sympathetic even if I haven’t worded my post suitably for lollipoprainbow. My mother in law has suffered from it for the last decade. I don’t blame the dementia patients - I know they can’t help it. I don’t blame the nurses either, they’re run off their feet. It’s just a big, underfunded mess. But it is also tough for someone without dementia, who is ill enough to be hospitalised, to cope with the extra stress that someone in the next bed who is confused brings. I feel sorry for them too

CostaDelCovid · 15/01/2021 22:31

@canigooutyet

If you want a private room you have to pay to go private. Even then it's not guaranteed.

Disturbance from other patients is part of the territory when you are in hospital.
Disturbed sleep is part of the territory because the system runs 24/7. Last time I was in, one ridiculous woman moaned that I landed on the ward around 2 am.

Visitors are limited not banned. You need to phone the ward and arrange a time.

It is manic at the moment, but they should have some idea of what is wrong with him.

Does he really need so much stuff out that it cannot be put into the cupboard? I only use the bit that faces me, and get the chair wedged in front of the cupboard.

Visitors are not limited they are BANNED! We're in lockdown FGS!

AcornAutumn · 15/01/2021 22:33

Maverick "Carers, nurses and doctors are just that, they're not miracle workers."

As I said, dad was one, so I know. Often they are battling bureaucracy that doesn't help anyone and uses NHS money.

Turnedouttoes · 15/01/2021 22:33

Gosh that sounds awful! A few years ago I was on a trolley in A&E for almost 24 hours before they took me to a ward at 2am. I had no idea wards were mixed sex until the man in the bed next to me pulled back the curtain separating us to peer at me while I was trying to sleep. As an early 20s female this was terrifying.

I cried with relief when the porter came back for me 20 minutes later to say he’d taken me to the wrong place and I was actually supposed to be in a private room!

SinkGirl · 15/01/2021 22:33

Hope he’s okay OP - awful when you’re in pain and you don’t know why. Have had several stays like that myself. When I was 17 I was in with viral meningitis and in a single room. There was a man in a nearby room who had fallen down the stairs and had a head injury - poor man kept being sedated then coming round, no idea where he was, terrified and running into my room asking where his clothes were, where he was. Wasn’t his fault at all but was very intimidating as he was a big guy, took several staff each time to get him out of the room and i was really quite scared. Ward staff have such a hard job, I really feel for them, and the patients with difficulties too but doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Last time I had surgery they turned the cupboard round and pushed my bed up to it so I could put things in the top bit. Not sure if this is feasible for him.

canigooutyet · 15/01/2021 22:34

If they are having to lift him to change his pad, put his pj top on and off, why don't they change the sheets at the same time?

He needs to raise this with the ward manager.

He could ask the domestic staff for a bag that he can put his things in. Nurses/hca might also have some ziplock bags or patient possession bags.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 15/01/2021 22:35

@alreadytaken

Yes the OP has said why he is there. He is in a lot of pain, can't move, needs the care and a diagnosis. The hospital wouldn't be keeping him in if they thought that he didn't need to be

OP, that sounds really hard. I don't really know what to suggest. Are the nurses aware?

CheeseMongrel · 15/01/2021 22:35

I love how people are demanding you justify why he’s in hospital 😂

Original poster

Doffodils · 15/01/2021 22:37

@canigooutyet

If they are having to lift him to change his pad, put his pj top on and off, why don't they change the sheets at the same time?

He needs to raise this with the ward manager.

He could ask the domestic staff for a bag that he can put his things in. Nurses/hca might also have some ziplock bags or patient possession bags.

He is having the sheets changed, but they're doing it with him in the bed. I was just making the point that I'd need a lot of help and equipment to be able to have him at home.

OP posts:

CrocodilesCry · 15/01/2021 22:38

[quote lollipoprainbow]@Honeyroar "these dementia people" really ?? [/quote]
She said "these dementia patients" not "these dementia people".

PickAChew · 15/01/2021 22:38

I can sympathise. It can be so stressful. The last time I saw mil, she was on a ward with a lady who spent the entire time shouting at someone who wasn't there. Unfortunately, despite a busy visiting hour, no one was there for her.

CostaDelCovid · 15/01/2021 22:38

[quote lollipoprainbow]@Honeyroar "these dementia people" really ?? [/quote]
Honey roar said "These Dementia patients" not people

Miljea · 16/01/2021 03:23

I read half, and cut to the end.

Until you've experienced a ward at night in an NHS hospital, you have no idea.

I mean, in 2021, why isn't the norm individual en-suite bedrooms? Why 8 bedders? With, inevitably some poor confused, disruptive dementia patient?

If you took a motel room, would you choose to share your room with some random? So why in our NHS are you required to basically share a room with 5 strangers? It isn't Scout camp!

But yes, obviously, I can tell you why; it's successive right wing governments (you can bet your arse none of them or theirs encounters a screaming, naked old man smearing faeces over himself, in the bed next door, at 3am) and the sanctity of the NHS.

And I am frontline NHS. And recognise that the model we have is not working. We need insurance.

I would move heaven and hell, and pay out ££ to keep any of my family out of a NHS 'general ward' overnight, once their 'emergency' had passed. Not because I don't have 'faith' in the NHS- there are many, many wonderful and amazing staff in the NHS- but the chances of getting a good night's sleep in most 'general' wards is low.

24HoursInPoliceCustody · 16/01/2021 03:25

@Doffodils

He's been in a week, is in a lot of pain, can't sit up by himself and hasn't been out of bed since he got there.

He's on a general ward where most of the other patients are elderly with some level of dementia. For the first few days there was a man who kept stripping naked and trying to "escape" with lots of disruption during the night, which was irritating and amusing for DH in equal measure.

Now there's a man who seems to think all DH's possessions belong to him. DH is "joking" but he said he'll have to sleep with one eye open. It must be really stressful for him knowing he can't move to defend his stuff. He's keeping everything in reach because if he puts it in his locker he has to call a nurse to get it for him when he wants it.

I can't visit, so haven't seen it myself and haven't spoken to the staff but what should happen in a situation like this? It's obviously a very sad situation for the man concerned and difficult for the staff but surely DH should feel safe in hospital?

Welcome to the NHS, if you want private you know what to do!

24HoursInPoliceCustody · 16/01/2021 03:27

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

This person also shouldn't be allowed to keep approaching him, I'd say in hospital, social distancing is even more important.

The patient has dementia ffs

Miljea · 16/01/2021 03:28

And stop picking holes in the 'dementia' terminology. Patient? Person? Sufferer?

'They' want you to do that. Those who will not pull up their big girl pants and announce the serious tax/NI hikes needed to afford the complexities of dementia sufferers to be met in a way that affords them the right care; and allows others to not have to have their recovery disrupted by having poorly managed dementia sufferers on the ward. Due to the understaffing we, in voting Tory- endorse.

raspberryfield · 16/01/2021 03:30

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

This person also shouldn't be allowed to keep approaching him, I'd say in hospital, social distancing is even more important.

Have you any idea how difficult that is when it's a patient with dementia ? Of course they shouldn't be doing this but short of a member of staff sitting with them 24/7 it's not going to happen when their dementia is at a certain stage if that's what they are doing.

24HoursInPoliceCustody · 16/01/2021 03:32

@YesMeLady

I sympathise, it's awful not being able to relax and recover but this seems the norm in hospitals. Can you afford to move him to a private room if they have them. Is he in a bay. Could the staff arrange for a member of staff to always be in the bay. I personally would contact PALS and infection control for a solution, it's really distressing.

Do you really think we have the resources to have a nurse in every bay 24/7?

Pals will do fuck all because every patient deserves to be treat with the same level of care and dignity, including the poorly ones wondering around confused with dementia.

@Doffodils I suggest your DH locks his personal possessions away, like he was told to on admission when he signed the disclaimer!

Pyewhacket · 16/01/2021 03:32

I’ve worked in hospitals in several other countries and I’ve only ever seen this type of thing here. It’s like something from the 1950’s.

24HoursInPoliceCustody · 16/01/2021 03:33

@Scaredykittycat

Can he get a private room?

No because private rooms get the same level of care and side wards are for poorly patients or those isolating.

timeisnotaline · 16/01/2021 03:39

Very stressful. I’d get him a little drawstring bag he could put book phone water bottle glasses in and tie around his wrist to sleep. I used to do this when in a hostel without a locker or overnight carriages in trains with other people.
Ideally of course staff would stop it but I appreciate health care staff are stretched everywhere now!!

acrossthebrooklynbridge · 16/01/2021 03:43

Visitors are limited not banned. You need to phone the ward and arrange a time

ALL visitors are banned from hospitals in my county and have been for some months. ALL visitors in ALL wards. Only exceptions, one visit for an end of life patient and a partner whilst a woman is in active labour (but kicked out after baby is born).

TooManyKidsSendHelp · 16/01/2021 03:46

Normally I would recommend that he press the assistance button every time something happens so he can tell the nurse. That way they are aware of the severity of the problem and hopefully understand the justification for that patient to be in a different space where they can be more closely managed, for everyone's benefit. Also, more cynically, it annoys the staff into having to do something about it.

However, these aren't normal times. I'm guessing you're in the UK? Which probably means that the hospital is bursting at the seams and certainly won't have any extra resources to accommodate a difficult patient.

I think your DH might have to just put up with it and keep his buzzer close to him in case anything serious happens. Sorry OP, it sounds really shit.

TooManyKidsSendHelp · 16/01/2021 03:48

@acrossthebrooklynbridge

Visitors are limited not banned. You need to phone the ward and arrange a time

ALL visitors are banned from hospitals in my county and have been for some months. ALL visitors in ALL wards. Only exceptions, one visit for an end of life patient and a partner whilst a woman is in active labour (but kicked out after baby is born).

This exactly what has been the case for several people I know - giving birth, end of life, and less serious stuff, all in different parts of the UK.

I haven't heard of anywhere that people are allowed to visit someone in the hospital outside of the circumstances you describe.

Miljea · 16/01/2021 03:50

@TooManyKidsSendHelp

Normally I would recommend that he press the assistance button every time something happens so he can tell the nurse. That way they are aware of the severity of the problem and hopefully understand the justification for that patient to be in a different space where they can be more closely managed, for everyone's benefit. Also, more cynically, it annoys the staff into having to do something about it.

However, these aren't normal times. I'm guessing you're in the UK? Which probably means that the hospital is bursting at the seams and certainly won't have any extra resources to accommodate a difficult patient.

I think your DH might have to just put up with it and keep his buzzer close to him in case anything serious happens. Sorry OP, it sounds really shit.

With respect, that won't happen.

'Pressing the buzzer' doesn't magic up more appropriate staffing.

Where have you been for the last 30 years if you think 'complaining' in a setting like this will change anything?

Don't. Vote Tory.

And stop mythologising and aggrandising the NHS.

It's bloody amazing, in general, but, as a previous poster said, aspects of it are 1950. Like 8 bedder wards.