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Original poster

DH is in hospital and really struggling with some of the other patients

203 replies

Doffodils · 15/01/2021 19:39

He's been in a week, is in a lot of pain, can't sit up by himself and hasn't been out of bed since he got there.

He's on a general ward where most of the other patients are elderly with some level of dementia. For the first few days there was a man who kept stripping naked and trying to "escape" with lots of disruption during the night, which was irritating and amusing for DH in equal measure.

Now there's a man who seems to think all DH's possessions belong to him. DH is "joking" but he said he'll have to sleep with one eye open. It must be really stressful for him knowing he can't move to defend his stuff. He's keeping everything in reach because if he puts it in his locker he has to call a nurse to get it for him when he wants it.

I can't visit, so haven't seen it myself and haven't spoken to the staff but what should happen in a situation like this? It's obviously a very sad situation for the man concerned and difficult for the staff but surely DH should feel safe in hospital?

OP posts:
Original poster
Doffodils · 15/01/2021 22:05

@alreadytaken

Has it somehow escaped your notice that there is a pandemic? Normally a nursing assistant would be keeping an eye on the person with dementia inbetween doing observations on other patients. But there is a pandemic raging and the NHS has a lot of staff off sick as well as trying to deal with double the number of patients they'd have with flu.

So expecting a normal level of care is ridiculous.

Why is your husband in hospital? If he's having tests or treatment then he'll just have to cope, if not what is he doing there.

You might like to read the thread before such a post. Or perhaps you really think DH is just in hospital for the giggle? Where did I ever say I expected anything? I was asking what I should expect.
OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 15/01/2021 22:05

Liz I know they don't always work and can cause more pyschosis

But there's been a swing towards "don't even try meds" which worries me.

canigooutyet · 15/01/2021 22:06

If you want a private room you have to pay to go private. Even then it's not guaranteed.

Disturbance from other patients is part of the territory when you are in hospital.
Disturbed sleep is part of the territory because the system runs 24/7. Last time I was in, one ridiculous woman moaned that I landed on the ward around 2 am.

Visitors are limited not banned. You need to phone the ward and arrange a time.

It is manic at the moment, but they should have some idea of what is wrong with him.

Does he really need so much stuff out that it cannot be put into the cupboard? I only use the bit that faces me, and get the chair wedged in front of the cupboard.

naomi81 · 15/01/2021 22:06

@naomi81

It's horrendous, I slept with my phone under the pillow and because I was there for a while I moved to a bay with a window. Also headphones/earplugs/eye masks are essential. Hope he's back soon xx
And that was before a pandemic! The staff were over run several years ago, I had nurses crying by my side one night, so sat with her and shared my snacks and had a chat with her!
notangelinajolie · 15/01/2021 22:10

I have spent a fair few months in hospitals and I am afraid your DH's experience is fairly common.
I had one particular lady who spent all day driving the other patients and nurses round the bend looking for her lost handbag and all night trying to climb into my bed. She had white hair and a white nightie and the first time she did it, well it was a bit of a shock. I won't lie Blush, I think I screamed louder than she did.

There are times I have buried my head under my pillow in tears. Some things you see and hear are truly horrible. I would not be a nurse for anyone right now. The job they do is amazing .

You just have to give your head a little wobble and remember that you aren't the only sick person in there and pray they send you home soon.

I wish your DH a speedy recovery.

Poppingnostopping · 15/01/2021 22:10

The longer he is in there, also the risk of covid (unless he's had it already).

I always used to really annoy staff by asking for updates/to see the consultant in rounds, but that way we tended to get discharged quicker. Sometimes it can take ages just to do all the procedures (like home assessment, physio assessment, can't get the right meds) and it gets put back by a day or two just for that reason, also if you need an ambulance to get home, the wait on those is long.

As the other poster said though, in a pandemic the normally stretched NHS is really run ragged. The nurses and HCA's didn't stop on those wards, just constantly behind, constantly on the move, constantly just managing the most urgent stuff. It must be such a stressful job.

AcornAutumn · 15/01/2021 22:10

Canigooutyet "Does he really need so much stuff out that it cannot be put into the cupboard? I only use the bit that faces me, and get the chair wedged in front of the cupboard."

OP has said that due to his condition, he cannot reach the locker.

Original poster
Doffodils · 15/01/2021 22:12

Visitors are limited not banned. You need to phone the ward and arrange a time.

It must be different at different hospitals then because it's very clear here that visitors are only allowed for end of life patients and thankfully we're not there yet.

As unexplained he has his stuff out because he can't move, so he needs to ask for help everything he wants something, he's trying to avoid imposing on the nurses. It's not a lot of stuff, his PJ jacket, his book, earphones and tablet, some food.

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 15/01/2021 22:12

@3rdNamechange

Actually it does - a lot. Everytime my mil ended up in Good Hope hospital in Birmingham, we were expected to stay with her 24/7. The last time was February 2020 for two weeks. It was a nightmare. But we did it as she was not safe to be left alone for even five minutes.
We were provided with a chair, a pillow and a blanket. My DH and I took it in turns to sit with her.

LickEmbysmiling · 15/01/2021 22:13

Yes op df had this also, someone came over and rifled through his stuff millions of times a day!
Someone else was shouting out, it was extremely stressful as he was dying and couldn't move.

Maverickess · 15/01/2021 22:14

@AcornAutumn

Liz I know they don't always work and can cause more pyschosis

But there's been a swing towards "don't even try meds" which worries me.

Yes, public outcry if patients are sedated or given something to keep them calm and stop them hurting themselves and others, but Christ, don't have them in the same place as other people because their behaviour is unacceptable.
Let's blame the staff or carers though, they should be able to do something right? As I said to a relative once "Do what? Cure dementia, sedate them or lock them in the cupboard?" Carers, nurses and doctors are just that, they're not miracle workers.
unbotheredbutbewildered · 15/01/2021 22:14

I hope you're okay OP and your husband gets better soon.

Honestly though, theft is rife in hospitals. My nan was rushed in a few years ago (stroke) and on the first night had her wedding ring and engagement ring stolen. We complained at the time and basically got told 'tough luck, claim on the insurance.' Same thing happened to my dad last year when he got rushed into hospital with COVID-19 - wedding band and watch stolen.

If they're valuables/sentimentally valuable, you should immediately ask to speak to a member of staff about it and if possible your husband and take anything of value out of there. If it's something non-sentimental and easy to replace then, it sucks, but I wouldn't kick up a fuss - it won't get you anywhere except 'we're snowed under...'

LickEmbysmiling · 15/01/2021 22:14

Needs a little soft bag, like a draw string bag... That he can keep wrapped around his wrist..

canigooutyet · 15/01/2021 22:14

If it's wedged right up to the bed, the cabinet can be reached to get to the open compartment. If he cannot reach, the next pad change he can ask to be moved a bit closer to the cabinet.

frumpety · 15/01/2021 22:15

The vast majority of disruptive patients are not doing it out of spite, they are also someone's Mother, Father, Brother, Sister etc , they need gentle and kind treatment, reassurance and to be kept safe.
As does your DH Doffodils , I hope they get to the bottom of what is causing his pain and he his back home soon Flowers

infinitediamonds · 15/01/2021 22:15

Agree with what has been said above - in normal times hospitals rely on family to do a lot of what would have been considered nursing, if visitors are limited there is just no-one to do it.

When my Mum was in hospital a few years ago there was an elderly lady on her ward and staff let her sons visit at all hours and stay at long as they needed to - she had dementia, was frequently distressed and also would not eat unless spoon fed. The staff didn't have time to calm her and then sit with her to feed her - basically she needed full time 1:1. Not great having men at night on a female ward but there wasn't a better option.

alreadytaken · 15/01/2021 22:16

Oh I've read the thread - lots of entitled people who think when the NHS is on its knees and cancelling urgent cancer care there are private rooms available. Nope - they are being used for the cases that look and sound like covid but have a negative test. And there arent enough to go around.

I notice you havent replied to whether he is getting tests or treatments and what he is doing in there.

Honeyroar · 15/01/2021 22:21

It’s a sad normality of hospitals nowadays. There just aren’t enough staff to be able to keep these dementia patients supervised. My husband was in hospital for ten weeks last year and there was a constant stream of patients that kept everyone awake all night. One of them had to be wheeled out into the corridor at night, he was vile and very sexist/racist towards the nurses. My husband is incredibly patient and even he was getting wound up. I’d have murdered him.

Original poster
Doffodils · 15/01/2021 22:22

I have said why he's there

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 15/01/2021 22:23

Thank you @frumpety well said

lollipoprainbow · 15/01/2021 22:24

@Honeyroar "these dementia people" really ??

canigooutyet · 15/01/2021 22:25

As others have said,family/friends did care before CV.

That's a shame that all visitors are banned. Here if in for days allowed one visitor over the age of 18 providing no temp etc. End of life are still allowed someone with them 24/7.
Visitors and patients regularly tested.

SuperHighway · 15/01/2021 22:26

@blue25

Every time a member of my family has been in hospital, there have been similar patients. Shouting out, distressed, confused, vomiting everywhere. It’s really horrible, but seems to be almost normal unfortunately.
Yep, that's been my elderly mother's experience this year. Also the men's bay was on the same ward as the women's and a male patient kept following her to the toilets. We had to speak quite firmly to the nursing staff about that issue.
LizFlowers · 15/01/2021 22:30

@Doffodils

DH has multiple diagnoses, most of which are terrifying but none of which should be causing this particular pain. He can't come home because he can't get out of bed, at all. They're not even getting him up to change his sheets. For him to be at home it would mean more than "a bit" of help. Plus they do need to find out what's wrong.

Anyway, thank heavens for the NHS (again). He's just text to say they've borrowed a nurse from another ward who's going to sit with this man all night, so DH is going to sleep.

Thank goodness for that.

I do hope a solution to his pain is found soon, it sounds nightmarish.

CostaDelCovid · 15/01/2021 22:30

@alreadytaken

Has it somehow escaped your notice that there is a pandemic? Normally a nursing assistant would be keeping an eye on the person with dementia inbetween doing observations on other patients. But there is a pandemic raging and the NHS has a lot of staff off sick as well as trying to deal with double the number of patients they'd have with flu.

So expecting a normal level of care is ridiculous.

Why is your husband in hospital? If he's having tests or treatment then he'll just have to cope, if not what is he doing there.

Wow you're spectacularly lacking in compassion
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