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Original poster

DH is in hospital and really struggling with some of the other patients

203 replies

Doffodils · 15/01/2021 19:39

He's been in a week, is in a lot of pain, can't sit up by himself and hasn't been out of bed since he got there.

He's on a general ward where most of the other patients are elderly with some level of dementia. For the first few days there was a man who kept stripping naked and trying to "escape" with lots of disruption during the night, which was irritating and amusing for DH in equal measure.

Now there's a man who seems to think all DH's possessions belong to him. DH is "joking" but he said he'll have to sleep with one eye open. It must be really stressful for him knowing he can't move to defend his stuff. He's keeping everything in reach because if he puts it in his locker he has to call a nurse to get it for him when he wants it.

I can't visit, so haven't seen it myself and haven't spoken to the staff but what should happen in a situation like this? It's obviously a very sad situation for the man concerned and difficult for the staff but surely DH should feel safe in hospital?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 16/01/2021 03:53

Being opposite drug users etc was quite an eye opener for my very sheltered mum! She loves people watching and found it fascinating. Although she was feeling pretty rotten. We've currently got a dad with horrendous sleep apnoea who we've had to banish to our side room before the other parents explode!

TooManyKidsSendHelp · 16/01/2021 03:59

Did you actually read what I wrote? I'm a bit confused about your reply as it doesn't really follow on from what I said at all. Maybe you meant to quote someone else?

IHaveBrilloHair · 16/01/2021 04:04

I've experienced similar.
Also mot being able to use the toilet correctly, which was only cleaned once a day.
I only go to the bigger hospital now which had all single en suite rooms.
MY consultant of ten years is based there anyway.

Forthelols321 · 16/01/2021 04:12

Some of the replies on here are wild. He's an old, demented, deeply tormented soul if he is that confused and agitated. He likely is not dangerous, just quite annoying to everyone else who is fortunate enough to be orientated. Hospitals up and down the country are full of patients like this, and yes, younger fitter people who have never been in hospital before are shook by the revelation that these people exist and are ALLOWED to behave like this. Nurses don't physically restrain or argue with dementia patients because it makes things worse.

Also, ringing the buzzer constantly and asking to see a consultant (annoying staff into doing something about it) doesn't make a difference. In my experience, consultants don't take much interest in if you are happy with your bedspace or not.

Forthelols321 · 16/01/2021 04:13

Hope your husband feels better soon. 🤞🏼

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/01/2021 04:35

[quote Bargebill19]@3rdNamechange

Actually it does - a lot. Everytime my mil ended up in Good Hope hospital in Birmingham, we were expected to stay with her 24/7. The last time was February 2020 for two weeks. It was a nightmare. But we did it as she was not safe to be left alone for even five minutes.
We were provided with a chair, a pillow and a blanket. My DH and I took it in turns to sit with her.[/quote]
Exactly.

Unfortunately this is the state of the nhs op. I’ve lived in several countries, been in hospital myself in a couple. Their hospitals are far better funded and it shows. Is your dh being given painkillers? If he is given decent ones and can move after that, could he come home?

NSt21 · 16/01/2021 04:41

NHS bashing again...Hmm

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 16/01/2021 05:38

@NSt21

NHS bashing again...Hmm
Not the staff, but the system & the lack of funding. Do you have a problem with that?
PeggyHill · 16/01/2021 06:25

What's wrong with "NHS bashing"? It is very different to bashing the people who work for the NHS. As someone who used to work for the NHS, and ended up emigrating to another country mainly so that I could continue to practice medicine without having to work for the NHS, I can confirm that a lot of people who work for the NHS "bash" it on a daily basis. They do that because it's fucking shit, for staff and patients.

SheeshazAZ09 · 16/01/2021 06:36

Sadly my experience is that this is the norm in hospitals. However occasionally they do have private rooms available and I was once moved to one. So do ask the nurse in charge if this is a possibility. They can only say no.

Original poster
Doffodils · 16/01/2021 07:07

@Doffodils I suggest your DH locks his personal possessions away, like he was told to on admission when he signed the disclaimer!

And I've explained why he hasn't done that. I've also explained that he only has a few things out.

MN at it's best (worst) here. A woman posts about how to try and make a desperately and terrifyingly ill DH more comfortable, a DH she's been unable to see for a week and you lot turn on her for asking the question. Nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doffodils · 16/01/2021 07:08

Also FWIW, if you read the thread, you'd know that the NHS have done exactly what you're all telling me is impossible.

OP posts:
RedFrogsRule · 16/01/2021 07:26

@Doffodils you’ve had some really crap responses. I think the best advice was the string bag so he can keep his belongings together but close.

Sorry you have the worry of a sick DH during Covid. The hospital wouldn’t be keeping him in unless he needed to be there. It’s bizarre that some are implying he’s being unreasonable by needing care!

Yes some wards can be really difficult because of the mix of patients and lack of staffing. Our local hospital has specialised dementia wards to try and leave surgical and neurological to specialist patients but as dementia is now so prevalent obviously it crosses over.

I well remember being strapped to a spinal board with a 7yr old stood beside me post RTC and a woman off her head on drugs was screaming and chucking stuff around in the same bay. I felt helpless and vulnerable

lomojojo · 16/01/2021 07:49

I'm sorry you're having such a scary and difficult time. It must be so frightening to be kept apart from your husband when all you'll want to to do is be with him and look after him. Flowers

Mindymomo · 16/01/2021 08:02

So sorry for you and your husband and what you are going through and hope they find out soon, what he is suffering from. When both my parents and in laws were in hospital, they always seemed to have at least one patient that was hard for staff to deal with. My husband was also in hospital last April/May and experienced the same. He said nighttime was bad with different agency staff on each night who didn’t know the patients or their needs.

SheSellSeaShells · 16/01/2021 08:11

Your poor DH, how awful for him, I hope he's feeling better soon and they find out what's wrong. Not a great time to be in hospital :-( General wards are often disruptive and noisy.

I have stayed in a few, the worse many years ago when I was just 24, and was wheeled up in the morning after having my appendix removed after being admitted to a&e the previous day - they told me there were no beds on the women's ward so they had to put me on the mens!!! They stuck me in the corner and pulled the curtain round - I sat there sobbing - the poor nurse was mortified. I was moved into a women's ward by night time luckily otherwise I think I'd have discharged myself.

I've private medical (through my employer) now and my god the difference - I think I'd try to continue the insurance even if I left this job. Just for the privacy alone and no snoring/disruptive people keeping you awake.

I think all the noises of people and alarms etc. on the general wards (and the others you can hear in the distance) can be quite scary to some patients keeping them awake when trying to recover . I hope they can help him and get him home to you soon. Finger crossed for you Flowers

Tickthosefleas · 16/01/2021 08:19

We had an dementia patient who thought my dads bed was his and kept trying to push him out of it. My dad was very weak and terrified.

Can you still drop of parcels for him? I would get him spares of low value items incase they get nicked. Sorry it’s awful and not conductive to rest

Original poster
Doffodils · 16/01/2021 08:23

He could go private, he's had insurance for years and never used it. TBH it doesn't sit well with us but also, the thing that started all this off was an operation that the surgeon strongly advised us not to go private for. "The operation carries significant risk of death, needs to be done where there's ICU, I wouldn't want to do it in a private hospital".

Which is one of the reasons I object to private cover. People still expect the NHS to be there for the big stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doffodils · 16/01/2021 08:29

Also, he was admitted via A&E, I've no idea how you'd go about transferring him to the private sector now, even if he wanted to. Again, it seems all wrong to take advantage of the NHS ambulance and A&E and then buy priveledge.

OP posts:
LickEmbysmiling · 16/01/2021 08:42

Miljea,

When you say, pressing a buzzer doesn't magic up staff and then, don't vote Tory, this confuses me.

There was a major national midwife shortage after a decade plus of a Labour government, nearly every day mw shortage issues were plastered across every paper, I even wrote to my mp about it because I have a fear of labour, and the NHS was in major crisis.
I couldn't even access one hospital because it kept closing its doors, the other was too dangerous to be admitted too.

I'm thinking therefore it's not a labour /tory problem and making it so is what continues problems.
. The NHS and school should have special cross party teams and funding because my god, if you think a Labour gov will do anything...

Puzzledtenant · 16/01/2021 08:52

@Doffodils

Also, he was admitted via A&E, I've no idea how you'd go about transferring him to the private sector now, even if he wanted to. Again, it seems all wrong to take advantage of the NHS ambulance and A&E and then buy priveledge.
I don't know how you'd transfer but I don't think it sounds wrong if you were to, and I'm all about supporting the NHS. By going private you wouldn't be taking anything away from the NHS, you're not buying a doctor or a nurse that would otherwise be on an NHS shift, they'd be employed to do the private shift whether your DH was there or not. If anything you'd be freeing up a bed and allowing the NHS to focus on someone else - not saying your DH is doing anything wrong at all being there, he's just as worthy of being there as they next person, but you certainly wouldn't be doing anything wrong going private either.
CallmeAngelina · 16/01/2021 08:55

@Doffodils, I don't see why you object to people paying for private cover and then using the nhs as well, "for the big stuff." We all still pay National Insurance, which pays for the nhs, so why would anyone be denied treatment?

Original poster
Doffodils · 16/01/2021 08:55

It's more subtle than that Puzzled. The more priveledged people don't use the NHS, the less reason there is for it to be fit for purpose . Those with influence don't care because they dont use it.

OP posts:
CallmeAngelina · 16/01/2021 08:57

By the way, if your dh has private insurance and isn't using it, check the policy to see if he qualifies for a payout for the nights he spends in an nhs ward. When I was in hospital for a week after surgery for a broken leg, I received £120 per night.

AmandaHoldensLips · 16/01/2021 09:01

If your husband has private cover, I would phone the insurance company and discuss the situation with them. The difference in treatment can be huge. Lack of diagnostics in the NHS is a real problem. I hope your DH gets a diagnosis soon and can be treated effectively.