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Original poster

DH is in hospital and really struggling with some of the other patients

203 replies

Doffodils · 15/01/2021 19:39

He's been in a week, is in a lot of pain, can't sit up by himself and hasn't been out of bed since he got there.

He's on a general ward where most of the other patients are elderly with some level of dementia. For the first few days there was a man who kept stripping naked and trying to "escape" with lots of disruption during the night, which was irritating and amusing for DH in equal measure.

Now there's a man who seems to think all DH's possessions belong to him. DH is "joking" but he said he'll have to sleep with one eye open. It must be really stressful for him knowing he can't move to defend his stuff. He's keeping everything in reach because if he puts it in his locker he has to call a nurse to get it for him when he wants it.

I can't visit, so haven't seen it myself and haven't spoken to the staff but what should happen in a situation like this? It's obviously a very sad situation for the man concerned and difficult for the staff but surely DH should feel safe in hospital?

OP posts:
LizFlowers · 15/01/2021 21:47

Does your husband really need to be in hospital right now? It sounds as though whatever 'treatment' he is having is worse than whatever is wrong with him. He might be better off at home, downstairs, with a bit of outside help, and could go back to the hospital for investigations and any necessary treatment. If it is possible to achieve that, please do.

AcornAutumn · 15/01/2021 21:48

Identifying "She was in the bed next to me and she kept leaping out of bed and trying to come through the curtains, it was terrifying to be honest, she was completely psychotic."

Unpopular opinion but these patients used to get more sedating meds but apparently there were complaints about that too.

IdentifyingCreamCake · 15/01/2021 21:48

Sorry just noticed you said dementia, it’s similar though, they have nowhere else to put them. No specialist wards. It’s shit.

LizFlowers · 15/01/2021 21:50

@AcornAutumn

Identifying "She was in the bed next to me and she kept leaping out of bed and trying to come through the curtains, it was terrifying to be honest, she was completely psychotic."

Unpopular opinion but these patients used to get more sedating meds but apparently there were complaints about that too.

They don't always work, in fact can cause psychosis.
IdentifyingCreamCake · 15/01/2021 21:51

@AcornAutumn I thought they would have considered that kind of thing too, she was on a ward full of other unwell people and was upsetting everyone but nothing was done. Even when she was trying to come through the curtains the security guy would only walk up to her and ask her to sit down, he was obviously not allowed to touch her in any way.

ChasingRainbows19 · 15/01/2021 21:51

Private rooms can’t be bought on nhs wards, sometimes on maternity maybe. But they are generally used for most infectious patients or those with low immunity.

HamSandwichKiller · 15/01/2021 21:52

It's normal on a general ward unfortunately. Most patients in hospital are very old and often have dementia or issues which mean they don't know where they are.

It's the reason why it's difficult to move patients like this back out of hospital as they're obviously so vulnerable.

Acute wards tend to have a younger patient profile.

lollipoprainbow · 15/01/2021 21:52

This is why there should be special dementia wards and I don't know why there isn't. My mum was in the early stages of dementia four years ago and ended up in a hospital ward after being found wandering in the streets in the early hours. The nurses had no idea how to deal with her.

VinylDetective · 15/01/2021 21:52

My dad found himself in a very similar situation, it’s utterly and completely demoralising and it must be hell on earth now. Is there any possibility of his being moved into a side room? The nursing staff were very sympathetic and arranged this when I complained.

3rdNamechange · 15/01/2021 21:53

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

This person also shouldn't be allowed to keep approaching him, I'd say in hospital, social distancing is even more important.
How would you ensure someone with dementia social distances ?
Newchances · 15/01/2021 21:53

I had the same experience on a ward. Was told they place people like that into 4 bedded bays so that we could keep an eye and alert them if they wander etc. Not great for your dh. But as they say we are all in it together ❤

PatchworkElmer · 15/01/2021 21:53

This happened to me- newly pregnant, on a drip and barely mobile due to HG. Woman in the bed next to me clearly had severe dementia, kept trying to pull out her cannulas, screaming, trying to get out of bed. It was just us 2 on a 4 bed ward and I was so flipping scared! I was in for 3 nights- the consultant wanted to keep me in for another “to make sure you’re rested and up to going home”. I was utterly exhausted from lack of sleep and cried with relief when I got home later that day.

LizFlowers · 15/01/2021 21:54

@Greysparkles

Can he get a private room?

Where?!

I was in hospital for over a week in April 2019 and was given my own room after a couple of days, it wasn't private. It does happen.

The entire hospital stay was a nightmare and I didn't start to 'get better' until I was home again. I felt as though I'd been abandoned, frankly.

I intend to do my best to stay out of hospital from now on and keep anyone of mine out of hospital too, as far as possible.

3rdNamechange · 15/01/2021 21:55

@Bargebill19

Ideally (in a perfect world) the agitated patient would receive one to one nursing/supervision. Even without COVID-19 this wouldn’t be achieved. A family member would be expected to stay 24/7 with the patient. Today wards are so stretched, and visitors not allowed.... I don’t know what the solution could be.
A family member would not be expected to stay 24/7. Ive been nursing over 20 years. This doesn't happen in the UK.
Original poster
Doffodils · 15/01/2021 21:55

DH has multiple diagnoses, most of which are terrifying but none of which should be causing this particular pain. He can't come home because he can't get out of bed, at all. They're not even getting him up to change his sheets. For him to be at home it would mean more than "a bit" of help. Plus they do need to find out what's wrong.

Anyway, thank heavens for the NHS (again). He's just text to say they've borrowed a nurse from another ward who's going to sit with this man all night, so DH is going to sleep.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 15/01/2021 21:55

When my dad was in hospital nearly 10 years ago we had a problem patient like this who kept taking Dad's and other patients' things and disturbing people.

When we complained the staff were very apologetic but said there was nothing they could do except track down missing belongings as they weren't allowed to restrain these patients. Hmm

One patient's relative was so angry he got his dad discharged and took him home.

3rdNamechange · 15/01/2021 21:56

@YesMeLady

I sympathise, it's awful not being able to relax and recover but this seems the norm in hospitals. Can you afford to move him to a private room if they have them. Is he in a bay. Could the staff arrange for a member of staff to always be in the bay. I personally would contact PALS and infection control for a solution, it's really distressing.
Not enough staff. No private rooms, all side rooms are in use for Covid or other infectious pts eg diarrhoea
Astormofswords · 15/01/2021 21:57

This happened to my DH before Covid, another patient kept touching my Dh stuff and even woke up to this gentleman spooning an elderly man in the bed opposite.

No help really, hospital wouldn’t do anything luckily he was only on that ward a few nights after being on a different ward. DH nearly broke down in tears which is unusual as he hated it so much.

Sorry I’m not much help just know he isn’t alone in this situation. It completely sucks, 💐

3rdNamechange · 15/01/2021 21:57

@Scaredykittycat

Can he get a private room?
Not in an NHS hospital, they (mine) is full of Covid pts.
Fifipop185 · 15/01/2021 21:58

When I spent a while in hospital there was a very elderly, very confused lady on the ward who kept stealing the plastic wash bowl of the lady in the next bed, placing it on the floor in the middle of the ward and pee in it. She would do this multiple times a day and nothing that the nurses did made a difference.

It's awful to see and people in this mental state, and they can be very unpredictable and you feel very vulnerable.

I hope you DH gets treated and is home soon OP. Thanks

WeeDangerousSpike · 15/01/2021 22:00

That's good news OP, hopefully it will let your DH get some sleep. I can completely relate to all the PP saying they were worse off in hospital than at home. I had to have IV meds, if I could have just come in every 4 hours to have them and been at home in between I would have been so much better off. In fact I'd have been better sleeping in my car!

ancientgran · 15/01/2021 22:00

I was admitted to hospital after a car accident, woman with dementia in the next bed shouted out every couple of minutes, "Where's me handbag." Those words have lived with me for 40 years. One of the nurses told me the problem was many of the dementia patients come from homes where they are heavily medicated and in hospital they get less and become disruptive. Don't know if it is true, I work in a care home and it isn't true there but maybe it was different 40 years ago.

Poppingnostopping · 15/01/2021 22:01

This is my unfortunate experience on several general wards as well.

It's not just older dementia patients, it can be psychiatric patients especially on the wards for diagnosis, people with learning difficulties with their carers there, it's a nightmare for everyone because hospital is frightening for this group and everything about it worsens their condition- the lights, the noise, the unfamiliar people. They then disturb and upset people.

In the UK the best thing to do is get a diagnosis and a treatment plan and leave as fast as possible, because healing takes calm, good food, good nursing care, monitoring and so on, and only the most basic standard of this, just enough to keep you alive and sometimes not much more, is provided on some wards.

That said, I have had good experiences as well, mainly in quieter calmer wards (e.g. neurology or some of the cancer wards) and also in separate rooms which are by far the best obviously, because they are quiet and you can turn down the lighting.

Hospitals are good for mass and cheap treatment in the UK and that's what you get. It's awful when you are actually in them.

alreadytaken · 15/01/2021 22:02

Has it somehow escaped your notice that there is a pandemic? Normally a nursing assistant would be keeping an eye on the person with dementia inbetween doing observations on other patients. But there is a pandemic raging and the NHS has a lot of staff off sick as well as trying to deal with double the number of patients they'd have with flu.

So expecting a normal level of care is ridiculous.

Why is your husband in hospital? If he's having tests or treatment then he'll just have to cope, if not what is he doing there.

naomi81 · 15/01/2021 22:03

It's horrendous, I slept with my phone under the pillow and because I was there for a while I moved to a bay with a window. Also headphones/earplugs/eye masks are essential. Hope he's back soon xx

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