Alan Partridge- Let battle commence.

[MaraThorn]

Best opening line for sex ever?

Has anyone had a better line?

Keeps the wolf from the door so to speak.

"I don't want to be part of your sex festival"

@Monkeytennis97

I live near the 'cracking owl sanctuary' and regularly walk where it was filmed and yes I have a photo of me doing the hip thrusting Alan does to Jill there😂

You’re mad, you are!

@SingleHandSue 😂

Oasthouse deserves to be up there with the classic quotes, everyone needs to listen, it's Classic Alan.

What are you doing here on Christmas Day, don’t you have a house?

*Sunday Bloody Sunday’. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn’t it?

I really hate to do this to you, but it's actually a song about a massacre in Derry in 1972*

Now I'm not sure whether you're joking! Oh, the irony.

‘Lynn, this is hotter than the sun!’
‘Lynn the fat envelop’

Some excellent Micheal ones too.

‘I gan t’ Cardiff to have sex with a lady. She wore a G-strap’

‘I hoyed a monkey in the sea’😂

@tuttifuckinfruity

That was the best Valentines Day I've had in 12 years.

What did you do 12 years ago?

Just had a better one.

Went to Silverstone, shook Jackie Stewart's hand... my marriage fell apart soon afterwards

Mousse from a bowl is very nice but to put it on a person is demented. To an unwitting member of staff it could look like some sort of dirty protest

She’s talking about selling this stuff down at the covered market.
It’s a disaster! I don’t want my face on this! (cushion) I might put it on a jar of pasta. Did you hear back from Dolmio about my pasta gravy sauce?

@Izzysmummy13
I hoyed a monkey in the sea

I love this chat with Michael, it's bloody amazing

Alan: You threw a monkey in the sea. That’s awful. I was fishing for some sort of funny story. That’s just upsetting.

Michael: Well, you know, I wasn’t thinking straight, right. I just kind of got the red mist in front of me eyes and just grabbed the monkey and hoyed it in the sea.

Alan: Will you stop saying you threw your monkey in the sea. All I can see is a monkey spinning towards the water.

Michael: Well, it didn’t go straight into the water, it bounced of a rock.

Alan: Oh, Michael! That’s such a pointless death. At least when they experiment on them, they sort of get something out of it. Nice perfume or something.

Michael: Aye. You know, I’ve often wondered, right, why is it that they put the perfume in the monkey’s eyes, right? Why not just put it on its wrists, like you know, posh ladies, in department stores?

Alan: It’s just cruel isn’t it. Mind you, if you’ve been to Knowsley Safari Park, and they’re pulling the wipers off your windscreen and nicking your hub-caps, you lose sympathy.

Michael: Maybe the monkeys are trying to collect enough parts together, to make a complete car, right. And they’ll all just pile in it and break through the gates and escape.

My dear old DM finishes every phone conversation with 'and on that bombshell...' she doesn't add A-haaaaa though.

@Bangable that is perfect - but only when read in a Geordie accent! I love Michael, he's so childlike and a perfect foil to Alan's pomposity (is that a word?)

But I didn't kill him that was the tragedy - I had to go back and finish him off with a jack

And who can forget the classic:

‘Crash, bang, wallop... what a video’

‘Look what this idiot did, in America’

'Lynn, I was thinking of getting a substitute wife, and I'd love you to go down to Sol Dangerfield's casting agency and tell them to get me a 40 year old scorcher. And do use that word!'

"What's rude about a body?"

"Tits?"

Stop going on about Benjamin Netanyahu Lynne. You're never going to meet him.

[quote Whylurkwhenicanjoinin]@Bangable that is perfect - but only when read in a Geordie accent! I love Michael, he's so childlike and a perfect foil to Alan's pomposity (is that a word?)

But I didn't kill him that was the tragedy - I had to go back and finish him off with a jack[/quote]
Yes

@Butterymuffin

'Lynn, I was thinking of getting a substitute wife, and I'd love you to go down to Sol Dangerfield's casting agency and tell them to get me a 40 year old scorcher. And do use that word!'

"Partridge, you wanker!"

I've made my husband promise to wear a black Castro's GRX bomber jacket to my funeral (bet he doesn't and I'll have to haunt him)

@BentBastard I love this 😄

"No offence, Lynn...."
"Oh, none taken"
"Well, hold on, you haven't heard what I'm going to say yet..."

"Go to London; I guarantee you'll either be mugged, or not appreciated."

King Road......10,King Road........Ipswich

It's good this isn't it even though we're just listing Partridge quotes...

Can I shock you... I fell asleep to IAP1 playing away on my phone last night because of this thread.

@Monkeytennis97

It's good this isn't it even though we're just listing Partridge quotes...

Can I shock you... I fell asleep to IAP1 playing away on my phone last night because of this thread.

Hello Lynn I’ve been eating a lot of Toblerone - I’ve eaten 4, and I’ve got 2 white ones left