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Original poster

Do you have any secrets that could ruin someone's life?

237 replies

LivingInAPrettyWorld · 10/01/2021 11:33

Just something I've been thinking about. A few years ago in my mid 20s I was friends with a much older man at work, who I saw as a fatherly /grandfather figure. I was going through a rough time with my mental health, plus bereavements and I had no friends or family support. He was there for me and I used him as a confidant and shoulder to cry on, so to speak.

I was naive and really did think saw me in a similar way - like a daughter or niece or something. I was also emotionally all over the place so I didn't see the signs, which looking back were there. One day in his car he held me against the seat and kissed me on my mouth, and put his hands up my thigh, and up the back of my top. I was so stunned and tried to move back but he wouldn't let me move and kept moving my head back. Fortunately it didn't go any further than that. He then told me he was in love with me and never felt like that about anyone.

I didn't tell anyone because I think people would have thought I led him on as I put myself in that situation. I never met him alone again, and he turned quite nasty towards me as well as tried to manipulate me. He has a wife who obviously hasn't a clue. It would bring her world crashing down if she knew and I'm sure if she did, she would blame me as I know she was besotted with him. It will be a secret I take to the grave as I'm so ashamed about it and how dumb I have been.

OP posts:
Callcat · 10/01/2021 22:58

A nasty something about a BBC reporter. He's a scummy predatory hypocrite.

PrankedByLife · 10/01/2021 23:00

Ignore - read update about footballer and friend not having a secret family together.

SlightlyJaded · 10/01/2021 23:01

A few.

I work in film and it can get a bit incestuous when you are long shoots with the same cast and crew for months a time. I know of several married actors who have cheated whilst filming.

I also know of one British actress who can't stop shoplifting. We had a long conversation about it. She doesn't do it because of money - it's like a compulsion and she is very ashamed but can't seem to stop Confused

But the one that really bothers me is a more personal secret from when I was younger. We were a group of three girlfriends (aged around sixteen) and Friend A came to me and told me she was having an affair with Friend B's dad. It went on for several months and they tried to use me - dragging me into their deception by getting the 'dad' to drop us home but always drop me first (even though that made no sense) so they could shag in the car afterwards. It was gross. I was equally close to both friends and their parents and the whole thing made me feel sick.

Freaksandgeeks · 10/01/2021 23:02

Yes.

BettyAndVeronica · 10/01/2021 23:06

I knew someone who was gay and married. In the public eye. He was / is married.
Was persistently messaging a young man (19yo) who had worked with him briefly. Wasn't shy about it at all!! Young man began to feel harassed and v uncomfortable.

He came out publicly last year. Lots of praise for him, people wishing him well etc. Tabloids loved it.
All I could think was, you're a predator lunging for teenagers decades younger than you.

CrazyCatLazy · 10/01/2021 23:10

@BettyAndVeronica

I knew someone who was gay and married. In the public eye. He was / is married. Was persistently messaging a young man (19yo) who had worked with him briefly. Wasn't shy about it at all!! Young man began to feel harassed and v uncomfortable.

He came out publicly last year. Lots of praise for him, people wishing him well etc. Tabloids loved it.
All I could think was, you're a predator lunging for teenagers decades younger than you.

Guessing this one will be figured out quickly 😂
Literallynoidea · 10/01/2021 23:11

Well it's quite clear who you're on about @BettyAndVeronica and not remotely surprising. I've read so much on that man and what he got/gets up to.

I don't care if he's straight or shags fence posts, but I do hate being lied to if only by implication

Jelly4444 · 10/01/2021 23:13

@BettyandVeronica that was much easier to guess than the first one! 🤣

thebestnamehere · 10/01/2021 23:22

In the 80s I worked with a married woman who was having an affair with our boss. She got pregnant by him and had a baby girl but never told him. Luckily the baby is a spitting image of my friend so no one or the DH was any wiser. She never went back to work, and a few years later got pregnant by her husband. The baby this time was a boy and the spitting image of the dad luckily, so to this day no one knows. They moved over seas so no one is likely to ever know. But everytime I see the daughter, I see our old boss...

Blessex · 10/01/2021 23:24

@BettyAndVeronica yep I heard that story at the time and now am unable to even watch him on tv with his whimpery voice saying what a ‘difficult’ time be has had of it all. His poor wife.

Kintsugi16 · 10/01/2021 23:26

These new DNA testing kits are going to cause a few problems

Backtoblack1 · 10/01/2021 23:31

I’m confused!

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 10/01/2021 23:36

@Plussizejumpsuit i have a very vague acquaintance who fits pretty much all of the criteria of your first secret 😬😬😬😂

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 10/01/2021 23:37

@Plussizejumpsuit actually, scrap that, my sunday night brain was combining both of your secrets!

jackstini · 10/01/2021 23:38

OP sorry you went through that. Mine similar to you but was 2 teachers
Over 30 years ago now and I was naive and drunk and stupidly blamed myself

Carouselfish · 10/01/2021 23:41

Yes, someone idealises their late mother but their father in a private and totally tactless moment, told me their mother had been very close with them until they were about 4 and then totally gone off them and been cold with them. Person in question obviously doesn't remember this at all/has created an alternate reality in their head.

CatVsChristmasTree · 10/01/2021 23:42

Not ruin, as such. But certainly mess with their head.
MIL told me years ago that FIL has a child he's never met, from a brief relationship before they got together. None of her 4 DCs knew. I did tell DH after a few years as I felt wierd knowing something about his family that he didn't, but I knew he would not be that interested. His sister however would probably find it really shocking and get quite emotionally involved in the idea. I was shocked because I feel that's out of order to abandon all parental responsibility and this poor person has no idea who their father is. I lost a lot of respect for FIL with that knowledge.

Pasithea · 10/01/2021 23:48

I know someone who has been having an affair for 14 years. 🤷🏼‍♀️

rebelwithoutclothes · 10/01/2021 23:51

@OnceIWasAnApe

Two spring to mind. The first is something I feel horrible about keeping to myself. I went to a well-known drama school, and had a well-known tutor. He mentally abused me and made my life absolute hell. He is a cruel fucking bastard. I vividly remember fainting from fear, and coming to with him standing over me hissing that I'd never achieve anything, that I was fucking worthless etc. I had a nervous breakdown. This was all witnessed by my fellow students and staff, but they were all terrified of him. Drama schools are weird like that- bullying is endemic. I did have a fellow student approach me a few years ago saying that he felt huge guilt for doing nothing, and if I ever wanted to report him, he would support me. Tutor has since been accused of sexual abuse of a student, and I can see how that would fit into the pattern of bullying and control I experienced. But I don't feel strong enough to speak up. Which is horrible.

The second is about a former friend of mine. She became a massive racist (saying things about "keeping the white race pure" and that sort of thing.) I told her what I thought of her and cut her off. She is now a well-known child psychologist that pops up on the radio and telly every so often. I wonder what people would think of her extreme views.

Please, please, please, can I have her name? I work in the field and have an inkling I know who you're referring to. She's quite often let's her mask slip if your lady is the same as the one I'm thinking of.
Ltdannygreen · 10/01/2021 23:54

I just thought of another one, my sisters father, well he got together with my mum whilst him and his now ex were apparently broken up, which turned out to be one of his many lies, well pretty sure she has no idea about my sister. That was 16 years ago, they got back together and had 2 more kids. The daughter looks the spitting image of my sister.
She probably wouldn’t be all that surprised to be honest because the guy is a total asshole. They haven’t been together for years. So his kids know nothing about thier sister. They are the only reason I’ve not reached out, it’s not fair for them this young to know what a dick there father is, if they don’t already.

Zombiememories · 10/01/2021 23:55

Yes.

Zombiememories · 10/01/2021 23:55

Many of these are no longer secrets now... they've been shared in the thread!

Ferrylights · 11/01/2021 00:15

Too many to list here... former premiership footballer now a presenter , shagged his way through the nineties and beyond including whilst his wife was pregnant - he was busy in the back of a car with my then mate. Too long ago to cause him any reputational damage now though. Wife is now ex and with a younger model he'd been shagging since she was a teenager.

Former boss, CEO of a large charity, cheating on his wife with a colleague whilst his wife had stage 4 cancer...that was horrible as he knew I knew.

ClaireP20 · 11/01/2021 00:29

OP, something similar happened to me, and was very common in the 90s. One boss used to put porn on his pc and ask me to watch it ("go on...I dare you'). I laughed it off but it was relentless. Another boss told me I had to practice slow dancing with him so he could impress his wife ("I'll pay you extra to help me learn"). I did it, with him pressing himself against me. The 50 year old with the 18 year old.

I still know them both as they still work in the luxury car business, so if I wanted I could possibly ruin their careers - luckily I'm too fat and old for them to assault me now....

changingnamesandkeepingsane · 11/01/2021 00:54

A few affairs from umpteen directions that could cause a few upsets.

And an ex acquaintance who did something to that could ruin her marriage and her business. Our paths keep crossing, and it causes me to spiral each time. I've only ever told my husband. I'm hoping karma sorts her out. I can't even think about her without shuddering.