Can anyone explain flashing to me?

[Shinylikeglass]

I run in our local woods, often on my own, there's no peace like it.

From time to time, running friends, will warn lone female runners that a flasher is operating in them there woods. TBH, I'm never sure if it's actually true and whilst I agree it's off and probably traumatic in the moment to come across a flasher, I'm not sure what's so dangerous that I should stop doing the thing I love most in the world, just in case I come across him?

Or does "flasher" mean something other than just showing off his bits?

It is actually very disconcerting to be alone somewhere with nobody else around when you suddenly see a man flashing his genitals at you (and/or masturbating). Even if chances are he won't actually touch you, you can never be sure, and it just feels like a gross invasion of your privacy. I used to feel like you before my "encounter".

I may not give up running in the woods because of rumours of a flasher, but I would certainly stick to busier times and keep my wits about me (no headphones etc).

I’ve been flashed at many times when I was a teenager. Once in the woods. It as really scary. As an adult I would be much more likely to call it out. I have no idea why men flash their willies. They obviously find it sexually stimulating. I definitely wouldn’t let the possibility of it stop me running.

Flashers often move on to much worse stuff and that will probably be his offending area

I'm sure flashers do exist but a lot of the time I suspect it's an urban myth

When I was at secondary school, the cross country route we had to do in PE went through some woods and there were always rumours about a "flasher" but I never met anyone who had ever actually seen him

I love running and walking on trails and footpaths (much nicer than roads IMHO) and while I'd appreciate being warned about any genuine attacks or threats I would tend to ignore vague rumours unless a named person could provide a first hand account

It can be a power thing for these men. They get off on the shock caused to those they expose themselves to.
It's easy to think that you'd make loud jokes about cocktail sausages or needing a magnifying glass but in reality the unexpected nature of it can make for quite an intimidating experience

I always thought I'd laugh and call him out. Then when it actually happened I felt so scared and vulnerable.

He wasn't some sad pathetic old man, but young, tall, strong and fit.

I was alone, isolated and I knew immediately that if he decided to take it further there's no way I could outrun or overpower him.

I would never stop running but I do now think carefully about my routes, times etc.

I got flashed at as a young teenager and it was really shocking and upsetting as it feels very much like a threat of rape.

Sorry, I should rephrase that. He was clearly a sad pathetic man, but not in stature.

I'm like you OP, though in my job I occasionally speak to people who are extremely traumatised by seeing one.

If I ever happen to come across one, I am resolved to lean a little closer and say "ooh, it looks like a penis only smaller"

In the main the thing for the flasher is the thrill of being seen and they have no intention of harming you. It's possible they do move on to other types of offending, but generally I think you are not at risk from them, however unpleasant an experience it may be.

I was flashed at in hospital after day surgery. I couldn't walk after an epidural so was a captive audience. It was so disconcerting it still bugs me now.
They get the kicks where they can.

I have had 2 experiences of flashing. Once at a bus stop with my mum (high school age). A girl started to cry and scream because the man openly flashed in front of people it was awful!.

You need to be careful OP. They seem quite confident flashing themselves.

A police officer told me to always report incidences of flashing because the perpetrator's behaviour WILL escalate. It isn't a harmless activity.

First, ask these people for their evidence.

If it's all rumour and hearsay, I might ask them to have a think about why they are so keen to pass on gossip, in the service of curtailing women's freedom. (I would certainly be thinking this and it might change my opinion of the gossiping person).

Woods. People are completely loopy about woods. Many, many people have a deeply embedded, irrational fear about terrible things lurking deep in the woods.

That deep, irrational fear means that people are much more likely to believe scary rumours about bad things happening in woods. They view these rumours are merely confirming their latent suspicions.

I have found, as a runner, that a lot of people are horrified at the idea of a woman running alone in woods, at all, ever.

So, weigh the evidence for yourself. Make your own decisions about acceptable risks vs benefits.

Me and a friend were flashed at when we were teens. A man walked past us with his sad little pecker hanging out. I was a gobshite teenager and shouted 'oi mate, you've got egg on your chin' to indicate to him that his fly was open. Obviously he knew full well it was but he soon scuttled off very quickly.

We thought it was hilarious. Went home told our parents and were taken to the police station for an interview. It was about 30 years ago.

I got flashed at as a young teen - first time I had ever seen a penis, and it was a dirty, unwashed hairy man masturbating as I walked home from school while staring at me.

It was a horrible experience.

champagne thats not true and dangerous advice.

I've not been flashed at in the classic sense but in my job as care assistant have dealt with (basically young or middle aged mentally normal) men who let their dicks hang out of their boxers or pjs.
When I was younger I was too embarrassed to say anything but now I'll put a towel or a blanket on them saying let's cover up your dignity, often they'll take it off again so I just put it back!
Or I tell them straight I want you to cover up as there are ladies present including myself; often they'll start with the 'but you've seen it all before..' and I just say look it's not appropriate.
If a man was really sleazy I would report him to management obviously.

Elderly men with eg dementia can be uninhibited so I deal with it the same way but I feel sorry for them as they usually would never behave that way before they got dementia.

Sorry meant to say this is in a hospital environment

It’s not just the distress of someone flashing you. I get for some it would be irrelevant, even comical, for others very traumatic, but the additional issue is that flashers often escalate their behaviour, and it can escalate to assault or rape

We had a flasher in the woods when I was at uni, there was a cut through the woods that all the students took to their flats. The police came and warned us all not to use the short cut, and put posters up and also ran some self defence classes as they were concerned there would be an incident.

I got drunk one night and had a fall out with my friends, I stomped off home and took the short cut. When my friends realised I was gone they went searching, but with bad timing, they checked the flat just before I got back and were too far behind me in the woods to see me there either. So they thought I was missing.

The police were called and the union shut down and the bouncers sent to look for me, as the police made their way there.

I was in the flat standing at the window watching all the police cars and blue lights, loads of people. wondering what was going on, when a friend burst, who was sent to check again and was shocked I was there. The large scale of the police response was solely because they thought I had went missing in the woods to the flasher who they felt was going to escalate. I of course had no clue they were searching for me. It was before mobile phones.

So the reason it’s dangerous is not because you’re going to see some randoms dick as such, it’s in case he escalates to sexual assault or rape when the opportunity presents itself

I've been flashed at in my own home by a Curry's delivery driver and I agree that you think you will be witty and deal with it in a contemptuous way but in reality it's shocking and you immediately feel vulnerable.

If it's all rumour and hearsay, I might ask them to have a think about why they are so keen to pass on gossip, in the service of curtailing women's freedom. (I would certainly be thinking this and it might change my opinion of the gossiping person)

Very unusual response. Why would you possibly think someone is making it up to curtail her freedom rather than to protect her.

If someone told me there was a flasher in a desserted area where my friend ran, I’d not ask for evidence them keep it quiet in case of being accused of gossiping. I’d tell my friend snd ask her to be careful.

It feels like a mild sexual assault. I don’t think I’m being dramatic there. It’s somebody getting off on exposing themselves to you in a sexual way without your permission. They want to shock you and it’s absolutely a power move. They have far more control than you and are doing it to make you feel uncomfortable.

I worked in a girls’ school for a while and we had several different men who used to do this. As staff we always shooed them away but we absolutely hated them. I hate that for some of our girls that was their first experience of seeing a man in a sexual way in real life. That power move was completely the reason the men were there.

Yeah, it’s not rape- but it’s only a couple of steps away.

Interesting the posters that think prevalence of flashers is an urban myth.

I’ve seen numerous flashers over the years. Like @Crabwoman mostly not the grubby looking old man in a mac but more often physical fit, youngish men, often in running/sports kit.

Being faced with a man who even if you could rationalise wasn’t going to hurt you is getting his kicks from intimidating you is frightening.

@Champagneforeveryone

I'm like you OP, though in my job I occasionally speak to people who are extremely traumatised by seeing one.

If I ever happen to come across one, I am resolved to lean a little closer and say "ooh, it looks like a penis only smaller"

In the main the thing for the flasher is the thrill of being seen and they have no intention of harming you. It's possible they do move on to other types of offending, but generally I think you are not at risk from them, however unpleasant an experience it may be.

You don't have a clue about trauma reactions, those being fight, flight and freeze. It is so easy to smugly say you would do something in a particular scenario and then act completely differently if it does happen to you. It's exactly the same as the people who don't understand why rape and assault victims don't fight back.

OP, whenever there have been reports of flashers to the police here they take it very seriously and put out big appeals to help find the man. I wouldn't know whether or not to listen to rumours about a flasher unless I had it backed up by someone I trusted.

Op you can phone the police and ask if there have been reports of a flasher in the area. They will tell you. Police are very up front about this kind of thing as they are looming to protect and know there is a risk of escalation.