Sitting in Costa, trying not to cry

[bloodywhitecat]

While DP is undergoing his first session of chemo for advanced bile duct cancer. Surrounded by happy smiley people and feeling very scared and alone. Everything about this scary journey has been a battle. Every bit of news has been bad. I just wish I had a friend to lean on right now.

Sending you a virtual hug and a hot chocolate ❤️

Sorry this is happening to you
It sounds incredibly tough.
Do you have anyone in real life to talk to?

I'm so sorry Whitecat. My thoughts are with you and I'm sending an in Mumsnety hug.

Reaching out to you with a warm hug, arm rub and strength to deal with this terrible situation. So very sorry you are both dealing with this.

Oh OP You poor thing. DP also has cancer and I know that feeling of looking around in a public place and thinking oh my god I wish I could be having fun like you.

Big hugs to you, treat yourself to a nice drink and a cake. Be kind to yourself. You are so brave.

I really hope the chemo helps your Dp

Awh sorry @bloodywhitecat that sounds so tough. Have some to go with your coffee.

My friends sister has been through similar and is now out the other side. Take it a day at a time x

Also sending an unmumsnetty hug. . So sorry.

I'm so sorry. Sending you a virtual hug.

Ah you poor thing. Tell us about it. How's he doing? How are you feeling?

Whitecat, if I was there I'd bring my coffee over to your table and sit with you.

Hi, happy to be leant on if you would like to chat. About how crap this is for you and dh, or just about random crap to keep you feeling busy.

Sending a handhold, I had chemo yesterday and on my way in for radiotherapy today.
Maybe talk to Macmillan, they have some great support and resources.

I've been where you are at this same time of year. It's very scary but the best thing I found was to stay positive. I blocked all negative thoughts when I could. Let the tears our and make sure you have all the support you can get so you are strong enough to support him x

You've got us OP, we'll be here every step of the way

@bloodywhitecat , I have been following your story from the start. I wish you and your DH the best Christmas you can have and strength for the days ahead.

I’m so sorry, whitecat. I remember the surreal feeling of sitting in the Pret A Manger hospital when my mum was touch-and-go, drinking overpriced espressos in order to get enough pound coins for the stupid car park meter and enough caffeine to get me home after a long day at work. I put on a smiley face myself, although I was in little tiny pieces inside, because crying in Pret - even a hospital Pret - somehow didn’t seem to be the thing to do.

I think crying in public should be a lot more acceptable than it is.

Sending you my very best wishes and hopes, xx

Sending love

Physically he looks well, he had a Whipple's procedure in Oct and we were hoping for good news after that but they found cancer in his liver and his margins weren't clear. The tumour is too near a major blood vessel. His cancer does not respond well to chemo so he's been given a prognosis of months. He's only 56 so quite young to have bile duct cancer. We have driven through floods to get here today and my poor lovely daughter, who came to babysit our baby (we are foster parents) is going to struggle to get home this afternoon. I just want him to be here next Christmas.

I am so so sorry to hear of your tough times. I wish strength and peace for you and your DH.

Hi, I'm really sad to read this. I remember your post back in the summer and thought about you both often. I'm also sad you are on your own right now and feeling alone. Wishing I could be there to sit with you. I'm here all day doing nothing much really. I'll send you another private message if you would like some virtual company to chat. Sending you a big hug x

Big hugs!

I've been following too, British stiff upper lip is over rated, cry, let it out. It does help.

This is hard enough in normal times, right now is seven kinds of hell.

Look after yourself & remember that while we can't be there physically we are all here with you xx

I’m so sorry @bloodywhitecat this is such a difficult time to be facing something as horrendous as this. Without people being able to hold your hand or give you a hug. Love and prayers for strength and comfort.