Sitting in Costa, trying not to cry

[bloodywhitecat]

While DP is undergoing his first session of chemo for advanced bile duct cancer. Surrounded by happy smiley people and feeling very scared and alone. Everything about this scary journey has been a battle. Every bit of news has been bad. I just wish I had a friend to lean on right now.

My dad had this and I understand that horrible fear and powerlessness and loneliness that you go through. Macmillan weren't much use until one wonderful senior nurse managed to push through some care for Dad that made a really helped; she was so empathetic and kind and just made all the difference. I hope you find someone similar who can make things just a little bit easier.

A big hug and some love from afar.

Im so so sorry,fucking dreadfull news to get any time of the year but I am aware everything feels all that more rare near Christmas time.

Sending hugs best wishes and prayers for you all

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed OP. Just to let you know my FIL had the exact same cancer, procedure and treatment. This was in 2014 and tomorrow I will be going to the in laws for my Christmas Dinner that he will be cooking. I know it seems bleak now but try and be hopefull xx

Really hoping the treatment helps your DP and that you can make the best of your Christmas.

That's very scary for you all. I hope that he comes through the chemo better than expected and more can be done for him.
If it's first chemo, he may be ok afterwards - but subsequent rounds may have a bigger effect on him.
I know with my Dad and his radiotherapy for prostate cancer, they warned him that he would probably feel ok to start with (he did) but after a few, the cumulative effect would make him SO tired, and he needed to rest. He was shocked at how tired he became - and it's not the sort of tiredness you can "work through" - you absolutely DO need to stop and rest. So that's my only useful bit of info, which he has probably already had from the oncology team.

Hope your Christmas is a peaceful one at least

Virtual hugs OP

@PeanuttyButter

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed OP. Just to let you know my FIL had the exact same cancer, procedure and treatment. This was in 2014 and tomorrow I will be going to the in laws for my Christmas Dinner that he will be cooking. I know it seems bleak now but try and be hopefull xx

Thank you, that made me cry a little. The figures for bile duct cancer are so bloody bleak and it lovely to hear of good stories like yours.

We're home. God knows how but we're home. Lots and lots of flood water, lots of doubling back on tiny back roads, one "Shit!" moment where steam came out of the front grill and all the parking sensors went nuts but we are home. DD has been sent packing so she can get home too as she lives in the Fens.

DP seems OK so far, he's just out fetching logs and giving the dog a run round our newly found lake (formerly known as the garden).

@bloodywhitecat

We have found Macmillan useless too (well up until yesterday when they received the paperwork to say he is life limited to under 6 months). So many people say how wonderful they are but it has not been our experience. We have had help from The Big C though. I am so sorry for the others that are going through, or have been through, this too.

Thank you for the support

I found the same thing when my mother had terminal cancer. Only available when it suited them, not when my mother actually needed them.

OP I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so hard having to stay strong for someone else while inwardly you are in bits. Please look after yourself as much as you can; you will be no use to DH if you run yourself into the ground. Wishing you strength.

I'm so sorry.

I recommend the website forums of Macmillan Cancer care. They have groups for every kind if cancer, groups for parients and groups for family members. You can get a lot of support there from people who have shared the experience.
You can also get expert one to one advice by phone or online from Trained Macmillan cancer nurses. Plus, they offer excellent books on every kind of cancer and how to cope with it at home.
When my DH had cancer , finding Macmillan was a turning point for both of us. At the time we had umpteen medical appointments and at them I was always conscious of having to hold it together so we could get all the answers we needed and did not distract medics by having my own meltdown. At Macmillan I could talk to an expert cancer nurse on my own, ask the worst questions and he let me cray as much as I liked. Their support helped me get my head together. DH is still in regular forum contact with other men in the same boat, I am pretty sure that's where he offloads the stuff he doesn't want me to hear. If you are within reach of a Maggies Cancer Centre ( look online) I recommend them too. Like Macmillan they offer support to patients and their partners.

      Hand hold and a hug.

I'm so sorry, OP. My thoughts are with you and your DH.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry. So glad you made it through the floodwaters. Look after yourself as well as your DP xxx

Sending you a virtual hug, here if you need to chat or vent. My mum has had Cancer for 5 years now and I recently lost my dad too. It is always worse at this time of year too 💐

@bloodywhitecat

Thank you all, I am overwhelmed by your kindness. Just being able to say and having people hear how I feel made it easier. He is almost done with his first session so I am slapping my smile back on and going to collect him.

Much love to all the other posters in our position and to those who have been there too.

There are lots of lovely warm posters on here wishing you well. Feel the love coming in huge waves from them to you and everybody else who is having a hard time for whatever reason. It will get better somehow Xx

That’s one session done - behind smiles there can be a lot of sadness in hospital - hope you both home safe and cosy soon xxxxx

Glad you are home now Cat, enjoy tomorrow. Fingers crossed your DH is one of the people it works for x

We are here.

OP - sorry to hear this. Cancer is hard for everyone. The patient and the partner. My dh didn't have chemo, but had an operation and radiotherapy. Ours news was grim as well, with every appointment giving more bad news. but somehow we got through it. It is hard though. From a partners point of view, there is so much to panic about. but you know what? People are nice, people will listen, people will be patient with you while you work through this. People will help. Let them. Have a lovely Christmas - your Christmas. Have it the way that suits you. Enjoy the day. Take care. xxxx

Thinking of you both.

@bloodywhitecat

It is nerve wracking and scary.
Life can be so unfair at times.
Wishing you and Husband well.

So sorry OP, thinking of you and your family sending hugs

Sending positive thoughts and good wishes to you both, OP.
DH's first dose of chemo had few side effects and here's hoping it's the same for your DP.
It was a different cancer, but DH's prognosis was poor ("7 chances in 100 of 5 years" according to the oncologist). That was 12 years ago. He's cooking Christmas dinner tomorrow.

I have no wise words but sending love and hugs to all of you

Massive hugs and love ❤️

Sending love and strength to you. I loaded Mumsnet as I was feel sad and low this evening and this was the first thread I loaded. I second Macmillan can be really rubbish.

Take care and have the best Christmas possible under the circumstances.