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Original poster

Is anyone else just right on the fking edge?

198 replies

asparagusspears · 22/12/2020 15:03

I can't be the only one on the actual verge of losing my shit altogether right now?

Why is everyone else so calm?

This stupid woman in Scotland is closing everything down again, putting my job at risk again, we all know for a lot longer than what they have said it will be, leaving kids trapped indoors with nothing to do in the darkest, wettest, coldest months of the year, money is already tight and my employer's patience is already thin on the ground, I am already working throughout the 'holiday' period, there have been no holidays this year, no breaks for any of us, I have two disabled parents who cannot do anything without me helping them to achieve it (example - my dad's television "isn't working" ie he's pressed the wrong button, so I need to go over there and fix it for him) my beloved dog is terminally ill, my OH is absolutely on my last nerve and all he cares about is our friends backing out of the new years party that had been planned, now he's pissed off he'll be stuck in with me, my MIL is an absolute arse from hell, and I have just had e-fucking-nough and it feels like I am the only one who is pissed off and angry and tearful?

Why is everyone else so shruggy and "oh well" and it's just what we have to do, and well that's 2020 for you and at least this, and at least that...?

Why is no one else ready to punch the next person they see???

OP posts:

CountessFrog · 23/12/2020 00:35

I feel as though I’ve had a year stolen. Effectively I feel as though my life has been shortened.

Babyroobs · 23/12/2020 01:32

I must admit I lost it today a little with a government department. I had just been passed from pillar to post in a phone queue for ever. In regards to work , every government department ( DWP etc ) seems totally overwhelmed and everything is even harder to fight for than normal for vulnerable people.

ElectriPfizing · 23/12/2020 01:53

I empathise OP. Im having anxiety attacks about potential school closure. I'm unfairly angry towards everyone who think that's at all tolerable.

MercyBooth · 23/12/2020 02:08

Im willing to bet the stress we are all being put through is contributing to the rise in infections. Its well known that stress lowers immunity. Something the Government and scientists are very reluctant to factor in.

RelicHominid · 23/12/2020 08:41

yep. I am barely coping. Lost my beloved 16 year old cat a couple of months ago. Devastated is just not enough to describe how I am right now. Lots of wine needed to get through this crap

BringBiscuits · 23/12/2020 08:45

I hear you. Constantly biting my tongue these days. I’m on the verge of losing it several times a day. One little thing and I feel I might just fall over the edge. I’m sick of everyone and fed up of never being on my own-ever!!

LadyLazaruss · 23/12/2020 08:57

Nobody said it's not shit. However, you can choose to deal with it positively or not. Up to you though. I'll bow out now and take care

It's not that simple just to 'choose' to deal with things positively. I've got borderline personality disorder, and can't just magically choose how I react to things. Piss off.

Unescorted · 23/12/2020 09:03

@coronafiona I have that door too. I know it is near to bursting open when I started to cry in relief at the days getting longer. To look at me I look like @wentworthprison - happy smiley, going out for walks and enjoying more time with my family. I just want to do things without having to plan who when and how. Or to plan things and not have to change the plan at the last moment.

@asparagusspears ranting is good for the soul. In the circumstances I would be tempted to take it out on your OH and his mother because everyone knows NYE is the most over hyped borefest.... take care xxx

MsAnnFrope · 23/12/2020 09:06

I’m not finding it terrible. I miss seeing people and my heart hurts for everyone having a shit time but I know I’m unusually lucky in having a healthy family, stable job etc. So many people right now don’t and I think it’s totally healthy to want to vent, rant, tantrum, “wallow” (hate that word)! When I’ve had awful things happen that’s exactly what I want to do.
Thinking positive when you have been shafted by the government or have mental health issues is not going to help! Much better to have a good meltdown on here!

MyGazeboisLeaking · 23/12/2020 09:09

Thank you so much for stating this thread, @asparagusspears.

As much as I'm very, very sorry that many of us are struggling, reading that I'm not the only one at the end of my tether makes me feel more normal than all those 'suck it up / it could be worse / at least you're not in a war posters.

LadyLazaruss · 23/12/2020 09:12

@MyGazeboisLeaking

Thank you so much for stating this thread, *@asparagusspears*.

I hate those. I wouldn't want to be in the bloody war nor this shitty pandemic!

Boxofsaltsachets · 23/12/2020 09:13

Yes, this morning I'm feeling it. I've been pretty philosophical about it all, had down days and worries, but coped really well with it all.
But today I feel like I'm ready to blow, had 3 lots of bad personal news in 2 days, friends going through some real tough times, fucking council threatening to move to 'enforcement' for a missed couple of months when I was up shit creek without a paddle due to income and job loss because of covid, despite regular and on time payments since I started earning again and the fact at the current rate I'll have cleared it before the new bill comes out. Never been behind with bills like that before, and my landlord and utilities have been great, and I've almost paid them off now, but the council is not interested, they want their couple of hundred quid in 7 days or else. Well they can fuck off. It will be paid, it's not by choice and I'm doing the best I can. Even a court can't make me pay what I don't have. They can put me in prison for all I care right now. I'm now a key worker, staff are dropping like flies, I'm exhausted from covering, I'm worried I'll be next, worried I'll take it to the vulnerable people I work with, take it home to my family.
I'm working Christmas Day so no family visits for me.
Generally I've coped well, but today I am having a moment, a bit overwhelmed with it all, and then I'll move on and get on with it again.
I hear you OP, we all need a vent now and again.

Happylittlethoughts · 23/12/2020 09:33

Jesus, I think its rather backward to blame NS for "closing everything down" ... IT'S A FECKIN PANDEMIC.

Darklane · 23/12/2020 09:35

It’s dreadful & getting worse by the day.
We were told we had to comply to save the NHS, well Im sick to death of hearing that. My DH has had very worrying symptoms fir weeks now, told our village GP is only doing telephone consultations but no body there will even pick up the phone! He’s tried & tried to ring but no answer. Even went round there but the doors are locked. Meanwhile his best friend who has liver cancer has had his chemo cancelled for the second time.
My DS who I haven’t seen since March is self employed & is really struggling to keep his small business going . Worried sick as he moved into the first house he’d saved enough to put a deposit on to buy last year after renting for years. His two DC have been home most of the year, one had reasonable online lessons but the younger one had just one email from his school in three months.

I get so cross at these people who say make the best of it, go for walks etc. Aren’t they concerned at all? What really really worries me is how all our freedoms are being eroded one by one. We’ve gone from being a free country a year ago to being a virtual police state where people are encouraged to snitch on their neighbours & we are under virtual house arrest. The screw is tightening more & more & I think that anyone who thinks we’ll ever get back the freedoms we did have are living in cloud cuckoo land. It was reported this week that two firms have been contracts to produce freedom passports that people will need to show that they have tested negative before being allowed not just to fly but to enter pubs etc. As the tests aren’t all that reliable how long before you have to show that you have had the vaccine. A vaccine rushed through in record time by firms that have been already given an amnesty against any legal action in the event of adverse effects.

Original poster

asparagusspears · 23/12/2020 10:33

Thanks everyone. It's the not feeling like I'm the only one who is not grinning from ear to ear with my eyes bulging out with positivity telling everyone it is what it is and we'll just have to get on with it.

This was all fine in March, April, May, a little less fine in June, July, August, it got hard in September, October, November and now it's just fucking ridiculous.

I get that covid can be serious and has affected younger people's lives, however on balance I think that lockdown restrictions is hugely negatively affective more of the younger half of the population, and I also think there is a bubble waiting to go spectacularly POP very shortly, that perhaps the politcians either are not thinking about, or are aware of but have put their hands over their ears and are going na na na na hoping it goes away...

the bubble is a mental health, behavioural, physical health, financial, infrastructure, gender balance/employment/equality/social bubble that is going to go BOOM and the shrapnel that hits is going to cause far more death and devastation for many more years to come than the virus ever will.

call me dramatic if you like, but ...

I think Q2 of 2021 this will hit.

Anyway, now I have a migraine and 4000 things to do plus work and a dying dog and I will need to go and do them or Christmas won't happen in our house. FML.

OP posts:

SwankySharky · 23/12/2020 10:35

the bubble is a mental health, behavioural, physical health, financial, infrastructure, gender balance/employment/equality/social bubble

Pretty much every single one of those applies to me - apart from infrastructure. I am desperately struggling this past two weeks. My heart feels like it is going to explode out of my chest and a hundred miles an hour and I trembling constantly. It's really horrible.

madcatladyforever · 23/12/2020 10:40

It's pretty shit, I work in the NHS and everyone is off sick so it's me working all over Christmas and New Year and I'm pretty damned sure a couple of them are swinging the lead, they asked for xmas off and didn't get it.
I haven't slept for days as I'm on new medication for my mental health problem, go to bed at 10, wake at 1am and am then wide awake until my alarm goes off at 6am. I will go insane if I don't get some sleep soon.
The cat is 19 and on her last legs, she trod in cat poo yesterday then frolicked all over my bed so the whole lot had to be changed and I had to give her a bath in the middle of the night.
I am all alone for Christmas as all of my relatives live in tier 4.
My DS hasn't answered his phone or emails all week, neither has my DIL so I have no idea what is going on at their house.
I really have had enough this week.

Darklane · 23/12/2020 10:44

Yes I agree. Anyone who thinks next year is going to be better than this one is deluded. There are many chickens waiting to come home to roost.

MacDuffsMuff · 23/12/2020 11:51

Yes I agree. Anyone who thinks next year is going to be better than this one is deluded. There are many chickens waiting to come home to roost.

Well. This has cheered me right up ...

MintyCedric · 23/12/2020 12:50

I'm worried I'll be next, worried I'll take it to the vulnerable people I work with, take it home to my family.

Me too...my dad is extremely frail and on end-of-life care.

I am petrified that I will either have the call to self-isolate or develop symptoms, then get a call to say he's dying and not be able to be there for him and my mum.

I'm an only child - there is no-one else if that happens.

TotorosFurryBehind · 23/12/2020 12:56

I'm ready to punch Boris. I have to avoid news sites and TV news as seeing his face gives me the rage every time.

Deathraystare · 23/12/2020 15:35

I am relatively ok, myself. So no lazy git of a husband getting on my last nerve/kids being a pain/MIL troubles. I usually work over Christmas. Quite enjoy it

However, I did not think Covid had affected me much but I really hate going shopping now. I can't help getting rattled with being penned in like a sheep and going through different entrance/exits. I know why they do it but it annoys me! Totally taken any joy out of shopping.

Just te fact tat I go to do something and cannot do it. I realise I am being whiney and there are people who haven't seen their family for ages/ can't go home for Christmas etc etc.

I haven't actually gone for a walk since jus before lockdown. I have an old lady bladder (does trickle, ore like the Angel Falls) Not many public loos around anyway so I am fining it hard going out anywhere.

However, I need to be slapped because I do not do a shopping list and do tend to shop more than once in a day. Normally I forget the tolet/kitchen rolls and have to go out again.

Alys20 · 23/12/2020 18:08

Had my little rant on this thread yesterday and feel a bit better now, so thanks OP.

Luckily they are still making wine, and chocolate.

I propose a toast and big thank you to all the lorry drivers, essential services workers, healthcare staff and business owners who've been through hell.

Instead, to Boris, Gavin, Matt what's his name, your creepy useless cronies and anyone else in Westminster who hasn't called for them all to resign immediately, here's a large virtual glass of prime Italian red, all over your smug incompetent lying faces. Europe dealt with this so much better than you.

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