Is anyone else just right on the fking edge?

[asparagusspears]

I can't be the only one on the actual verge of losing my shit altogether right now?

Why is everyone else so calm?

This stupid woman in Scotland is closing everything down again, putting my job at risk again, we all know for a lot longer than what they have said it will be, leaving kids trapped indoors with nothing to do in the darkest, wettest, coldest months of the year, money is already tight and my employer's patience is already thin on the ground, I am already working throughout the 'holiday' period, there have been no holidays this year, no breaks for any of us, I have two disabled parents who cannot do anything without me helping them to achieve it (example - my dad's television "isn't working" ie he's pressed the wrong button, so I need to go over there and fix it for him) my beloved dog is terminally ill, my OH is absolutely on my last nerve and all he cares about is our friends backing out of the new years party that had been planned, now he's pissed off he'll be stuck in with me, my MIL is an absolute arse from hell, and I have just had e-fucking-nough and it feels like I am the only one who is pissed off and angry and tearful?

Why is everyone else so shruggy and "oh well" and it's just what we have to do, and well that's 2020 for you and at least this, and at least that...?

Why is no one else ready to punch the next person they see???

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Where did you get your autocorrect from? I want one. My autocorrect is very strict on not swearing.

I haven't been able to cry about Covid's impact... I'm starting anti depressants Christmas Eve... I've had them a year but was reluctant to take it but can't take any more...

Christmas invite withdrawn by family member who was being spiteful but still all smily to me.... they have form for being selfish at Christmas...

I know I'm very fortunate compared to some but feel lonely and imagine this is what many of my Christmas' will be like in the future.. alone.

It's so hard going through the motions every day by yourself...

Hoping we all feel happier and in a better place by Spring....

I think we're all just hoping if we grin and bear it for a short while then it will all go away and we can go back to normal. As time goes on and the government act increasingly irrationally, that stiff upper lip starts to loosen a little.

At the moment we have Christmas to look forward to, even if it isn't the Christmas we all want.

Come January when the government reveal schools won't be reopening just before they are due to go back, and nor will pubs, shops or restaurants, and more people get fed up of traipsing round their town or village in the freezing cold with increasingly confused and unhappy children, things will get really bad. So I'm holding on to emotions and getting through it because i know it's going to be worse in a few weeks.

i am pretty resilient and am starting to feel frustrated. I can't imagine how more sensitive people are coping this year.

There's such a thing as toxic positivity, the person doing it might have good intentions but it can just make others feel like their pain and upset is being dismissed or denied. There's a time and place, and understandably right now a lot of people need space to vent and work through their more painful emotions without being told to cheer up.

DownstairsMixUp
"If one more person tells me to go for a walk I'll drop kick them"

I heartily agree with this statement. In what has been, and continues to be, a proper shit year, that made me laugh.

Yep, I'm with you too. I dislike being around everyone right now. Especially dh and kids most of the time! I'm craving solitude. Currently sat in the car as arrived early for my smear test - see thats how much I crave it

One of the things that can cause the most mental harm is the feeling of instability that comes from good things being yanked away from you at the last moment. It means you don't trust the good and become hyper-vigilant even when things seem positive.

That for me is the hardest part. If I was told at the beginning, "look--it'll be 9 months of shit and then things will be better, and you just have to get through these 9 months," I'd have had a horrible time but things would be cope-able.

But it's the part where as soon as things are going better they start to go worse that I find so difficult.

Oh OP hun so many are in the same situation as you. I suppose pride and empathy stops people from losing it in general though. If you don’t shrug and get on with it what is the alternative?

May I gently suggest contacting your GP they may be able to help you cope better. Drink plentry of water, get your sleep patterns nailed and eat lots of good vegetables, you should start to feel the calmness 🙏🏻again.

@Thewiseoneincognito

Oh OP hun so many are in the same situation as you. I suppose pride and empathy stops people from losing it in general though. If you don’t shrug and get on with it what is the alternative?

May I gently suggest contacting your GP they may be able to help you cope better. Drink plentry of water, get your sleep patterns nailed and eat lots of good vegetables, you should start to feel the calmness 🙏🏻again.

🙄 Yep I'm sure chomping on some kale will make everything better

Yep I've had enough.

I rang my mum this morning and started off with "I'm just ringing for a rant, I don't want you to try to make me feel better, I'm not expecting you to fix anything, but can I just yell at you for a bit please".

She was great . She even refrained from ranting back. I told her she could call me and moan tomorrow when I'm sure I'll have regained a bit of perspective.

You're not the only one, I am raging.

But unfortunately someone will be on soon with the "but at least you're alive/not suffering from long Covid/count your blessings " nonsense.

@TurquoiseBaubles

Yep I've had enough.

I rang my mum this morning and started off with "I'm just ringing for a rant, I don't want you to try to make me feel better, I'm not expecting you to fix anything, but can I just yell at you for a bit please".

She was great . She even refrained from ranting back. I told her she could call me and moan tomorrow when I'm sure I'll have regained a bit of perspective.

What a lovely mum! Mine would have told me to "go for a nice walk" and drop kicking your mum is frowned upon round here

@Vintagevixen what exactly are you raging about? The global pandemic? What’s the point? You do realise your rage is misplaced don’t you? Have some self respect and calm yourself down, seriously it’s no good for your wellbeing at all.

OP I hope that most of the responses to your post are making you feel less alone. Some people identify as sensible copers who help other people. Which is good up to a point, but it's just pride. For them the thought of being on the receiving end of help would somehow equate to failing in the competition that is life.

FWIW I am struggling not to dread the winter in level 4 scotland. This is despite the fact that my household has been very minimally affected by the situation. The fact of having to teach online, hardly see anybody and be with my autistic but doesn't admit it husband24/7 is utterly depressing. Even though I realise and am very grateful for how lightly we've been affected I still feel like just sitting down and wailing at the sky to make this situation stop.

I totally get your fed up attitude to people exhorting others to be mindful/safe/hunker down and be cosy blah blah. I actually felt quite hurt by my inlaws absolute lack of sympathy for me being unable to see a close relative who lives a few miles away in a different council authority. One of them said we must keep on smiling. I felt like saying, right you come and live with your difficult sibling and see almost nobody else and see if you're still cheerfully being inspired by endless quotes.

In fact, I think it's quite incredible and frankly concerning that people will change their profile pic to one of them wearing a mask and post the latest government restrictions. We all bloody watch the news. We don't need our friends and relations reminding us to follow the rules. They may as well say, I'm a goody goody and you should be too. Actually I am pretty much following all the rules even the ridiculous ones, but no way would I post about staying safe blah blah and enjoying time with my grown up son and making sourdough bread/taking up new hobbies blah blah. Mostly I go about in a cloud of anger and generalised anxiety about the future. There's hardly any recognition that protecting the NHS and the vulnerable is being achieved by effectively sacrificing people like yourself. I'm normally somebody who says we have an ageist society and I often speak up to defend people who are in difficult circumstances but I really bloody hope the very elderly population are grateful for the enormous sacrifices that this criminally incompetent government and useless government are forcing so many people to make. Some people are astonishingly unsympathetic and astonishingly keen to be seen as conformist. In my opinion. OP you're not alone and I really really take my hat off to you for coping with everyone you're coping with.

[quote Thewiseoneincognito]@Vintagevixen what exactly are you raging about? The global pandemic? What’s the point? You do realise your rage is misplaced don’t you? Have some self respect and calm yourself down, seriously it’s no good for your wellbeing at all.[/quote]
And lo! ...my prediction is fulfilled in two posts!!!

I cannot believe someone has suggested drinking plenty of water and eating vegetables. I mean FFS. Just stop with this shit. Seriously.

@WentworthPrison

What's the point in wallowing in this misery. You need to adapt what life is like now and make the most of it: lovely walks, new Covid friendly hobbies, new years drinks/party on Zoom etc. It's not going to last forever and you need to get over it really. Sorry to be blunt but you're making yourself miserable.

The same lovely walks that we've been doing all fucking year only they're now really muddy and strewn with soggy slippery leaves. It gets old.

I think we are all going through the 5 stages of grief. Greiving for our former day to day life. People are in different places. I'm in anger too OP. If you have reached acceptance, lucky you.

It is awful, so so rubbish that things were looking up and now we’ve been pushed back into the shit. People are certainly on a hair trigger now, saw a woman shout at a young boy she had obviously misheard in the supermarket yesterday and when I saw her elsewhere later, I did wonder what was going on her life and her head to shout at a child just being a child.

Yep. The thought of trying to work at home again with a toddler is horrendous. I’ve cried several times since the announcement nursery was shutting.

@NorbertMeubles

If one more person tells me to go for a walk or look at the birds or learn to knit I will fucking scream.

This ^

I knit. I knit alot. Doesn't stop me wanting to stab people with knitting needles.

It's actually okay to be p*ssed off. I don't want to look on the brightside for a while. I own my self pity and it's okay. You do you!

@NorbertMeubles water is life’s elixir. It is proven to lift your mood. An excellent diet will also help to balance hormone levels. It’s fact.

I'm with you OP I'm fucking done. So many losses this year both personal and financial. I'm not angry, I'm numb instead. I just keep on going because I'm not sure of the alternative.

It's shit and I've had enough.