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Original poster

So my mum just died. What a bastard of a year.

158 replies

Changeofname1949 · 20/12/2020 16:41

Yesterday. She was only 72. She was in hospital so I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks. In the run up she was in a lot of pain and I had her sobbing on the phone to me whilst I tried to completely ineffectually make it better. I got to see her for 10 minutes and hold her hand while she passed away and when I try to go to sleep my brain helpfully puts me back in ICU to re-live that. I am so sad and I don't know what to do with myself (although I still have to sort out Christmas for the kids). Lockdown isn't helping as you can imagine. It's quite frankly, pants.

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 20/12/2020 16:42

I am so so sorry love. I’ve been through similar four years ago now. Your Mum will always be there in some way x

Sn0tnose · 20/12/2020 16:44

I cannot begin to imagine how fucking awful things are for you right now 💐

Would you like to tell us about her?

SirVixofVixHall · 20/12/2020 16:44

I am so sorry, 72 is not very elderly so this must be a big shock. I lost mine five years ago, and I sympathise deeply. I am so sorry.
Flowers

dubyalass · 20/12/2020 16:46

I’m so, so sorry for your loss, and in such awful circumstances. I lost my mum a few years ago, so I know something of what you’re going through. Do you have any support over Christmas? How old are your kids? If they’re old enough, I’d be having an honest conversation and saying you need their support/help this week. Lots of love to you.

FadedRed · 20/12/2020 16:46

Flowers So sorry for your loss.
You are absolutely right, it’s shit.
Do whatever you need to do (or not do) to protect yourself and your children. Take it a minute, an hour, a day at a time.

Paperdolly · 20/12/2020 16:46

I am so sorry for you. How awful. There is never a right time but this is definitely the wrong time. You’ll need all your resilience to get through Christmas but you WILL do it!! Sending virtual hugs. 🤗

BikeRunSki · 20/12/2020 16:47

I’m so sorry x

MrsMyreton · 20/12/2020 16:47

I'm so sorry @Changeofname1949

Thanks
PatchworkElmer · 20/12/2020 16:47

So sorry for your loss OP Flowers

GlowingOrb · 20/12/2020 16:47

There is no sugar-coating this, It’s going to be a rough few weeks. Christmas will make it both better and worse. You will smile at using your mom’s recipe but then sob that she is not there. Let yourself have those moments. I found holding them in only makes it worse. It also helped to remind myself that my mom’s body had given out and her death was a relief for her, even if she didn’t want to go. I was happy she wasn’t in pain anymore, even though I still miss her.

HavelockVetinari · 20/12/2020 16:49

I'm so sorry for your loss, 72 is no age at all these days Sad

It's been a properly shit year, for you more than most. Be kind to yourself and try to make time for self care.

NanTheWiser · 20/12/2020 16:50
Flowers
Ghostlyglow · 20/12/2020 16:50

So sorry for your loss Flowers

partystress · 20/12/2020 16:52

I am so sorry. I hope you are able to somehow be with or in contact with people who can look after you and listen to you talk about happier times with her.

Redfox · 20/12/2020 16:52

I am sorry for your loss.
What was your Mum’s name?
Please don’t say if don’t want to
Someone asked me what my Dad was called when he died and I have never forgotten it, and I found it made him a real person

gamerchick · 20/12/2020 16:52

I'm so so sorry OP. Flowers

profilechange · 20/12/2020 16:54

I'm so terribly sorry to read this. Sending gentle hugs x

Toomanyparsnips · 20/12/2020 16:55

I'm so, so sorry. How awful for you. I lost my dad at the peak of the first lockdown, he was only 69 and I miss him all the time. I also spent months reliving his final moments in my dreams and whenever I relaxed; it's a trauma that you will need to process and may need help to do so. My heart goes out to you xxx

QueenofLouisiana · 20/12/2020 16:55

I’m so sorry. Flowers

Puffthemagicfanjo · 20/12/2020 16:57

I’m so sorry Flowers

My mum died earlier this year at the age of 68. It was before lockdown so I was able to be with her. I can imagine what you must be feeling having to go through that under the present circumstances.

Take time, and some very deep breaths. Cry as much or as little as you need to. Accept all the help that is offered to you.

AdaColeman · 20/12/2020 16:57

I'm so very sorry that you have lost your Mum, the pain and sadness must be so hard for you to bear. All my very kindest thoughts to you @Changeofname1949.

Doodlepip23 · 20/12/2020 16:57

Really sorry for your loss. My mum went four years ago in hospital. The memory of your mum’s last moments will fade in time. Flowers

FluffyPinkSocks · 20/12/2020 16:58

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Be glad you were with her at the end, she knew you loved her Flowers

dollyknocker · 20/12/2020 16:58

I'm so sorry for your loss. Xxx

indecisivewoman81 · 20/12/2020 17:00

Oh how awful. I'm so sorry. This year has been so horrific for so many people.

I'm sending you all my love.